EX BfBUOTHECA FRANCES A. YATES
Digitized by the Internet Archive in 2014
https://archive.org/details/satiresepistlesiOOhora
No. 17
THE SATIRES AND EPISTLES OP HORACE IN LATIN AND ENGLISH
QUINTUS HORATIUS FLACCUS
Born near Venusia, Italy, December 8, 65 B.C. Died November 27, 8 B.C.
Philip Francis, D.D. Died, 1773
The Latin text of this Edition is based on that of Muller's. It has heen edited by Mr. W. H. D. Kouse, formerly Fellow of Christ's College, Cambridge, now Headmaster of the Perse School, Cambridge, who has also added the Index of Names at the end of the Volume.
Dr. Francis's translation was published in 1747.
A.R.W.
HORACE
SATIRES AND EPISTLES
IN LATIN AND ENGLISH
THE ENGLISH VERSION BY
PHILIP FRANCIS
LONDON and NEW YORK UNIT LIBRARY, LIMITED LEICESTER SQUARE 1902
WILLIAM POLLARD AND CO. LIMITED, PRINTERS, EXETER AND LONDON.
SATIRES AND EPISTLES
SEEMONVM
LIBER PRIMVS. I.
Qui Ut, Maecenas, ut nemo, quam sibi sortem Seu ratio dederit seu fors obiecerit, ilia Contentus vivat, laudet diversa sequentes? 1 0 f ortunati mercatores ! ' gravis annis Miles ait, multo iam fractus membra labore. Contra mercator, navim iactantibus Austris, ' Militiast potior. Quid enim ? Concurritur ; horae Momento cita mors venit aut victoria laeta.' Agricolam laudat iuris legumque peritus, Sub galli cantum consultor ubi ostia pulsat. Ille, datis vadibus qui rure extractus in urbemst, Solos felices viventes clamat in urbe. Cetera de genere hoc (adeo sunt multa) loquacem Delassare valent Fabium. Ne te morer, audi, Quo rem deducam. Si quis deus 'En ego'! dicat, ' Iam faciam quod voltis ; eris tu, qui modo miles, Mercator; tu, consultus modo, rusticus: hinc vos, Vos hinc mutatis discedite partibus. Eia ! Quid statis?' nolint. Atqui licet esse beatis. Quid causaest, merito quin illis Iuppiter ambas Iratus buccas inflet neque se fore posthac Tarn facilem dicat, votis ut praebeat aurem? Praeterea ne sic, ut qui iocularia, ridens, Percurram (quamquam ridentem dicere verum Quid vetat ? ut pueris olim dant crustula blandi Doc tores, elementa velint ut discere prima ; Sed tamen amoto quaeramus seria ludo) ;
[Ille
2
S ATI UES
BOOK I.
r.
Maecenas, what's the cause, that no man lives Contented with the lot which Reason gives, Or chance presents; yet all with envy view The schemes that others variously pursue?
Broken with toils, with ponderous arms opprest, The soldier thinks the merchant solely blest. In opposite extreme, when tempests rise, War is a better choice, the merchant cries; The battle joins, and in a moment's fight, Death, or a joyful conquest, ends the fight.
When early clients thunder at his gate, The barrister applauds the rustic's fate : While, by subpoenas dragg'd from home, the clown Thinks they alone are blest who live in town.
But every various instance to repeat Would tire even Fabius, of eternal prate. Not to be tedious, mark the general aim Of these examples— Should some god proclaim, " Your prayers are heard : You, soldier, to your seas ; You, lawyer, take that envied rustic's ease : Each to his several part — What ! ha ! not move Even to the bliss you wisht?" And shall not Jove Swell both his cheeks with anger, and forswear His weak indulgence to their future prayer?
But not to treat my subject as in jest (Yet may not truth in laughing guise be drest? As masters fondly sooth their boys to read With cakes and sweetmeats), let us now proceed ; With graver air our serious theme pursue, And yet preserve our moral full in view.
3
SERMONUM LIBER PRIMUS
Ille gravem duro terrain qui vertit aratro,
Perridus hie caupo, miles nautaeque, per omne
Audaces mare qui currunt, hac mente laborem
Sese ferre, senes ut in otia tuta recedant,
Aiunt, cum sibi sint congesta cibaria : sicut
Parvola, nam exemplost, magni formica laboris
Ore trahit quodcumque potest atque addit acervo,
Quern struit, haud ignara ac non incauta futuri.
Quae, simul inversum contristat Aquarius annum,
Non usquam prorepit et illis utitur ante
Quaesitis sapiens, cum te neque fervidus aestus
Demoveat lucro neque hiemps, ignis, mare, ferrum,
Nil obstet tibi, dum ne sit te ditior alter.
Quid iuvat, inmensum te argenti pondus et auri
Furtim defossa timidum deponere terra ?
'Quod, si conminuas, vilem redigatur ad assem.'
At ni id fit, quid habet pulchri construe tus^ acervus ?
Milia frumenti tua triverit area centum :
Non tuus hoc capiet venter plus ac meus, ut, si
Reticulum panis venales inter onusto
Forte vehas umero, nihilo plus accipias quam
Qui nil portarit. Vel die, quid referat intra
Naturae fines viventi, iugera centum an
Mille aret ? 1 At suavest ex magno tollere acervo.*
Dum ex parvo nobis tantundem haurire relinquas,
Cur tua plus laudes cumeris granaria nostris?
Vt tibi si sit opus liquidi non amplius urna
Vel cyatho, et dicas 1 magno de flumine malim,
Quam ex hoc fonticulo tantundem sumere.' Eo fit,
4
iPlenior
SATIRES BOOR I
Who turns the soil, and o'er the ploughshare bends ; He who adulterates the laws, and vends ; The soldier, and th' adventurers of the main, Profess their various labours they sustain, A decent competence for age to raise, And then retire to indolence and ease. For thus the little ant (to human lore No mean example) forms her frugal store, Gather'd, with mighty toil, on every side, Nor ignorant, nor careless to provide For future want.
Yet, when the stars appear, That darkly sadden the declining year, No more she comes abroad, but wisely lives On the fair store industrious summer gives. For thee, nor summer's heat, nor winter's cold, Fire, sea, nor sword, stop thy pursuit of gold; Nothing can break the adventurous bold design, So none possess a larger sum than thine. But, prithee, whence the pleasure, thus by stealth Deep in the earth to hide thy weight of wealth? One farthing lessen'd, you the mass reduce. And if not lessen'd, whence can rise its use? What though you thresh a thousand sacks of grain, No more than mine thy stomach can contain. The slave who bears the load of bread, shall eat No more than he who never felt the weight. Or say, what difference, if we live confin'd Within the bounds by Nature's laws assign'd, Whether a thousand acres of demesne, Or one poor hundred, yield sufficient grain? Oh! but 'tis sweet to take from larger hoards. Yet, if my little heap as much affords, Why shall your granaries be valued more Than my small hampers, with their frugal store?
You want a cask of water, or would fill An ample goblet : whence the froward will To choose a mighty river's rapid course, Before this little fountain's lenient source ? But mark his fate, insatiate who desires
5
SERMONUM LIBER PRIMUS
Plenior ut si quos delectet copia iusto
Cum ripa simul avolsos ferat Aufidus acer.
At qui tantuli eget, quantost opus, is neque limo
Turbatain haurit aquam neque vitam amittit in undis.
At bona pars hominum decepta cupidine falso
4 Nil satis est,' inquit, ' quia tanti quantum habeas sis.'
Quid facias illi? Iubeas miserum esse, libenter
Quatenus id facit. Vt quidam memoratur Athenis
Sordidus ac dives, populi contemnere voces
Sic solitus : * populus me sibilat, at mihi plaudo
Ipse domi, simul ac nummos contemplor in area.'
Tantalus a labris sitiens fugientia captat
Flumina. Quid rides? Mutato nomine de te
Fabula narratur : > congestis undique saccis
Indormis inhians et tamquam parcere sacris
Cogeris aut pictis tamquam gaudere tabellis.
Nescis quo vaieat nummus ? quern praebeat usum ?
Panis ematur, olus, vini sextarius, adde,
Quis humana sibi doleat natura negatis.
An vigilare metu exanimem, noctesque diesque
Formidare malos fures, incendia, servos,
Ne te conpilent fugientes, hoc iuvat? Horum
Semper ego optarim pauperrimus esse bonorum.
At si condoluit temptatum frigore corpus
Aut alius casus lecto te adfixit, habes qui
Adsideat, fomenta paret, medicum roget, ut te
6
[Suscitet
SATIRES BOOK I
Deeper to drink, than nature's thirst requires; With its torn banks the torrent bears away The intemperate wretch ; while he, who would allay With healthy draughts his thirst, shall drink secure, Fearless of death, and quaff his water pure.
Some, self-deceiv'd, who think their lust of gold Is but a love of fame, this maxim hold, No Fortune's large enough, since others rate Your worth proportion'd to a large estate. Say, for their cure what arts would you employ? "Let them be wretched, and their choice enjoy."
At Athens liv'd a wight, in days of yore, Though miserably rich, yet fond of more, But of intrepid spirit to despise The abusive crowd. " Let them hiss on," he cries, " While, in my own opinion fully blest, I count my money, and enjoy my chest."
Burning with thirst, when Tantalus would quaff The flying waters— Wherefore do you laugh ? Change but the name, of thee the tale is told, With open mouth when dozing o'er your gold. On every side the numerous bags are pil'd, Whose hallow'd stores must never be defil'd To human use ; while you transported gaae, As if, like pictures, they were form'd to please.
Would you the real use of riches know ? Bread, herbs, and wine are all they can bestow: Or add, what nature's deepest wants supplies ; This, and no more, thy mass of money buys. But, with continual watching almost dead, House-breaking thieves, and midnight fires to dread, Or the suspected slave's untimely flight With the dear pelf ; if this be thy delight, Be it my fate, so heaven in bounty please, Still to be poor of blessings such as these! If, by a cold some painful illness bred, Or other chance confine you to your bed, Your wealth shall purchase some good-natur'd friend Your cordials to prepare, your couch attend, And urge the doctor to preserve your life,
7
SERMONUM LlBEH PRIMTJS
Suscitet ac reddat gnatis carisque propinquis ?
Non uxor salvum te volt, non filius ; omnes
Vicini oderunt, noti, pueri atque puellae.
Miraris, cum tu argento post omnia ponas,
Si nemo praestet, quern non merearis, amorem ?
An si cognatos, nullo natura labore
Quos tibi dat, retinere velis servareque amicos,
Inf elix operam perdas : ut si quis asellum
In campo doceat parentem currere frenis.
Denique sit finis quaerandi, cumque habeas plus,
Pauperiem metuas minus et finire laborem
Incipias, parto quod avebas, ne facias quod
Vmmidius quidam ; non longast fabula : dives,
Vt metiretur nummos, ita sordidus, ut se
Non umquam servo melius vestiret, ad usque
Supremum tempus, ne se penuria victus
Opprimeret, metuebat. At hunc liberta securi
Divisit medium, fortissima Tyndaridarum.
Quid mi igitur suades? Vt vivam Maenius aut sic,
Vt Nomentanus ? ' Pergis pugnantia secum
Frontibus adversis conponere : non ego, avarum
Cum veto te fieri, vappam iubeo ac nebulonem.
Est inter Tanain quiddam socerumque Viselli.
Est modus in rebus, sunt certi denique fines,
Quos ultra citraque nequit consistere rectum.
Illuc, unde abii, redeo, qui nemo, ut avarus,
Se probet ac potius laudet diversa sequentes,
Quodque aliena capella gerat distentius uber,
Tabescat, neque se maiori pauperiorum
Turbae conparet, hunc atque hunc superare labore t,
Sic festinanti semper locupletior obstet,
S
[Vt,
SATIRES BOOK I
And give you to your children and your wife. Nor wife, nor son, that hated life would save, While all, who know thee, wish thee in the grave. And canst thou wonder that they prove unkind, When all thy passions are to gold confin'd ?
Nature, 'tis true, in each relation gave A friend sincere; yet what you thus receive, If you imagine with unfeeling heart And careless manners to preserve, your art As well may teach an ass to scour the plain, And bend obedient to the forming rein.
Yet somewhere should your views of lucre cease, Nor let your fears of poverty increase, As does your wealth ; for, since you now possess Your utmost wish, your labour should be less.
Ummidius once (the tale is quickly told), So wondrous rich, he measur'd out his gold, Yet never drest him better than a slave, Afraid of starving ere he reach'd his grave: But a bold wench, of right virago strain, Cleft with an axe the wretched wight in twain.
By your advice, what party shall I take? Like Msenius live a prodigal, and rake Like Nomentanus?
Why will you pretend, With such extremes, your conduct to defend? The sordid miser when I justly blame, I would not have you prodigal of fame, Spendthrift or rake ; for sure some difference lies Between the very fool and very wise ; Some certain mean in all things may be found, To mark our virtues, and our vices bound.
But to return from whence we have digress'd : And is the miser, then, alone unblest ? Does he alone applaud his neighbour's fate, Or pine with envy of his happier state? To crowds beneath him never turn his eye, Where in distress the sons of virtue lie, But, to outspeed the wealthy, bend his force, As if they stopt his own impetuous course ?
9
SERMONUM LIBER PRIMUS
Vt, cum carceribus missos rapit ungula currus, Instat equis auriga suos vincentibus, ilium Praeteritum temnens extremos inter euntem. Inde fit, ut raro, qui se vixisse beatum Dicat et exacto contentus tempore vita Oedat uti conviva satur, reperire queamus. Iam satis est. Ne me Crispini scrinia lippi Conpilasse putes, verbum non amplius addam.
II.
Ambubaiarum collegia, pharmacopolae, Mendici, mimae, balatrones, hoc genus omne Maestum ac sollicitumst cantoris morte Tigelli : Quippe benignus erat. Contra hie, ne prodigus esse Dicatur metuens, inopi dare nolit amico, Frigus quo duramque famem propellere possit. Hunc si perconteris, avi cur atque parentis Praeclaram ingrata stringat malus ingluvie rem, Omnia conductis coemens obsonia nummis : Sordidus atque animi quod parvi nolit haberi, Respondet. Laudatur ab his, culpatur ab illis. Fufidius vappae famam timet ac nebulonis, Dives agris, dives positis in fenore nummis. Quinas hie capiti mercedes exsecat, atque Quanto perditior quisquest, tanto acrius urguet ; Nomina sectatur modo sumpta veste virili Sub patribus duris tironum. 'Maxime' quis non 'Iuppiter ! ' exclamat, simul atque audivit? 'At in se Pro quaestu sump turn facit hie* Vix credere possis, Quain sibi non sit amicus, ita ut pater ille, Terenti
JO
[Fabula
SATIRES BOOK I
Thus, from the goal when swift the chariot flies, The charioteer the bending lash applies, To overtake the foremost on the plain, But looks on all behind him with disdain. From hence, how few, like sated guests, depart From life's full banquet with a cheerful heart!
But let me stop, lest you suspect I stole From blind Crispin us this eternal scroll.
II.
The tribes of minstrels, strolling priests and players, Perfumers, and buffoons, are all in tears ; For ah ! Tigellius, sweetest songster's dead, And sure the soul of bounty with him fled.
Behold a wretch, in opposite extreme, So fearful of a spendthrift's odious name, He dare not even a sordid pittance give To raise a worthy friend, and bid him live. Or ask another, why in thankless feasts The wealth of all his frugal sires he wastes ; Then the luxurious treat profuse supplies With borrow'd sums : Because I scorn, he cries, To be a wretch of narrow spirit deem'd. — By some condemn'd, by others he's esteem'd.
Fufidius, rich in lands, and large increase Of growing usury, dreads the foul disgrace To be call'd rake ; and, ere the money's lent, He prudently deducts his cent per cent. Then, as he finds the borrower distrest, Cruel demands an higher interest, But lends profusely to the lavish heir, Whose guardians proves too frugally severe. All-powerful Jove, the indignant reader cries, "But his expenses, with his income, rise." No — 'tis amazing, that this man of pelf Hath yet so little friendship for himself,
XI
SERMONUM LIBER PRIMUS
Fabula quern miserum gnato vixisse fugato
Inducit, non se peius cruciaverit atque hie.
Si quis nunc quaerat ' quo res haec pertinet ? ' illuc :
Dum vitant stulti vitia, in contraria currunt.
Maltinus tunicis demissis ambulat ; est qui
Inguen ad obscaenum subductis usque facetus.
Pastillos Rufillus oiet, Gargonius hircum.
Nil mediumst. Sunt qui nolint tetigisse nisi illas,
Quarum subsuta talos tegat instita veste ;
Contra alius nullam nisi olenti in fornice stantem.
Quidam notus homo cum exiret fornice, ' macte
Virtute esto' inquit sententia dia Oatonis.
Nam simul ac venas inflavit tecta libido,
Hue iuvenes aequumst descendere, non alienas
Permolere uxores. 'Nolim laudarier' inquit
'Sic me' mirator cunni Cupiennius albi.
Audirest operae pretium, procedere recte
Qui moechis non voltis, ut omni parte laborent,
Vtque illis multo corrupta dolore voluptas,
Atque haec rara, cadat dura inter saepe pericla.
Hie se praecipitem tecto dedit, ille flagellis
Ad mortem caesus, fugiens hie decidit acrem
Praedonum in turbam, dedit hie pro corpore nummos,
Hunc perminxerunt calones ; quin etiam illud
Accidit, ut cuidam testes caudamque salacem
Demeterent f erro. ' lure ' omnes ; Galba negabat.
Tutior at quanto merx est in classe secunda,
Libertinarum dico, Sallustius in quas
Non minus insanit quam qui moeehatur. At hie si,
Qua res, qua ratio suaderet, quaque modeste
Munifico esse licet, vellet bonus atque benignus
Esse, daret quantum satis esset, nec sibi damno
Dedecorique foret. Verum hoc se amplectitur uno,
Hoc amat et laudat: 'matronam nullam ego tango/
m
SATIRES BOOK I
That ev'n the Self -tor men tor in the play, Cruel who drove his much-lov'd son away, Amidst the willing tortures of despair Could not with wretchedness like his compare.
But say, at what this tedious preface aims — That fools are ever vicious in extremes. While soft Malthinus trails a length of train, See that short robe ridiculously obscene. Rufillus with perfumes distracts your head : With his own scents Gorgonius strikes you dead. There are, all other passions who disclaim, Except the impurpled robe, and wedded dame : Others their safer, cheaper pleasures choose, And take a willing mistress from the stews.
When awful Cato saw a noted spark From a night-cellar stealing in the dark, " Well done, my friend : if love thy breast inflame, Indulge it here, and spare the married dame." Be mine the silken veil, Cupiennius cries, Such vulgar praise and pleasures I despise.
All ye, who wish some dire mishap may wait This horning tribe, attend while I relate What dangers and disasters they sustain, How few their pleasures, and how mixt with pain.
A desperate leap one luckless caitiff tries ; Torn by the fragrant lash another dies : Some are by robbers plunder'd as they fly ; Others with gold a wretched safety buy. Such various woes pursue these sons of lust, And all, but Galba, own the sentence just.
Far safer they, who venture their estate, And trade with females of the second rate. "Yet Sallust rages here with wild desires, As mad as those which lawless love inspires.* But had he been with less profusion kind, Had common sense his lavish hand confin'd, He had not now been wholly lost to shame, In fortune ruin'd, as undone in fame. But here's the joy and comfort of his life, To swear, he never touched his neighbour's wife.
13
SERMONUM LIBER PRIMUS
Vt quondam Marsaeus, amator Originis ille,
Qui patrium mimae don at fundumque Laremque,
* Nil fuerit mi* inquit * cum uxoribus umquam alienis/
Yerum est cum mimis, est cum meretricious, unde
Fama malum gravius quam res trahit. An tibi abunde
Personam satis est, non illud, quidquid ubique
Officit, evitare? Bonam deperdere famam,
Rem patris oblimare malumst ubicumque. Quid inter
Est in matrona, ancilla peccesne togata?
Villius in Fausta Sullae genero, hoc miser uno
Nomine deceptus, poenas dedit usque superque
Quam satis est pugnis caesus ferroque petitus,
Exclusus fore, cum Longarenus foret intus.
Huic si muttonis verbis mala tanta videntis
Diceret haec animus 'quid vis tibi? numquid ego a te
Magno prognatum deposco consule cunnum
Velatumque stola, mea cum conferbuit ira?'
Quid responderet? 'Magno patre nata puellast.'
At quanto meliora monet pugnantiaque istis
Dives opis natura suae, tu si modo recte
Dispensare velis ac non fugienda petendis
Inmiscere. Tuo vitio rerumne labores,
Nil referre putas? Quare, ne paeniteat te,
Desine matronas sectarier, unde laboris
Plus haurire malist quam ex re decerpere fructus.
Nec magis huic, inter niveos viridesque lapillos
Sit licet, hoc, Cerintha, tuo tenerumst femur aut erus
Rectius, atque etiam melius persaepe togataest.
Adde hue quod mercem sine fucis gestat, aperte
Quod venaie habet ostendit, nec, si quid honestist,
lactat habetque palam, quaerit quo turpia celet.
Regibus hie mos est, ubi equos mercantur : opertos
Inspiciunt, ne si facies, ut saepe, decora
Moiii fulta pedest, emptorem inducat hiantem,
14
[Quod
SATIRES BOOK I
Thus, to an actress when with lavish hand Marsaeus gave his mansion-house and land, My soul, thank heaven, he cries, from guilt is free ; The wedded dames are Vestal maids for me.
Actress or not, the crime is still the same, Equal the ruin of estate and fame; Equal the folly, whether in pursuit Of wife, or slave, or loose-rob'd prostitute ; Unless you mean, content to be undone, To hate the person, not the vice to shun.
Of Sulla's wanton daughter when possest, Villius believ'd himself supremely blest : To a dictator thus to be allied, Dazzled his senses, and indulg'd his pride : But sure, if vanity was fairly rated, Methinks poor Villius was full hardly treated, When buffeted and stabb'd the coxcomb dies, While in the wanton's arms a scoundrel lies.
But nature, rich in her own proper wealth Of youth and beautv, cheerfulness and health, In her pursuit of happiness disclaims The pride of titles, and the pomp of names. Be thine her wise economy to learn, And real from affected bliss discern. Then, lest repentance punish such a life, Never, ah ! never kiss your neighbour's wife ; For see, what thousand mischiefs round you rise, And few the pleasures, though you gain the prize.
What though Cerinthus dotes upon the girl, Who flames with emerald green, or snowy pearl, Is she beyond a common mistress blest With leg more taper, or a softer breast ?
Besides the public nymph no varnish knows, But all her venal beauties frankly shows, Nor boasts some happier charm with conscious pride, Nor strives a vile deformity to hide. When skilful jockeys would a courser buy, They strip him naked to the curious eye ; For oft an eager chapman is betray'd To buy a founder'd or a spavin'd jade,
15
SERMONUM LIBER PRIMUS
Quod pulchrae clunes, breve quod caput, ardua cervix* Hoc illi recte ; ne corporis optima Lyncei Oontemplere oculis, Hypsaea caecior ilia Quae mala sunt, spectes, ' O crus ! o bracchia ! ' Yerum Depugis, nasuta, brevi latere ac pede longost. Matronae praeter faciem nil cernere possis, Cetera, ni Oatiast, demissa veste tegentis. Si interdicta petes, vallo circumdata (nam te Hoc facit insanum), muitae tibi turn officient res : Custodes, lectica, ciniflones, parasitae, Ad talos stola demissa et circumdata palla Plurimaque invideant pure adparere tibi rem. Altera, nil obstat: Cois tibi paene viderest Vt nudam, ne crure malo, ne sit pede turpi ; Metiri possis oculo latus. An tibi mavis Insidias fieri pretiumque aveilier ante Quam mercem ostendi? 'Leporem venator ut alta In nive sectatur, positum sic tangere nolit,' Can tat et adponit * meus est amor huic similis : nam Transvolat in medio posita et fugientia captat.' Hiscine versiculis spera,s tibi posse dolores Atque aestus curasque graves e pectore tolli ? Nonne, cupidinibus statuat natura modum quern, Quid latura sibi, quid sit dolitura negatum, Quaerera plus prodest et inane abscindere soldo ? Num, tibi cum fauces urit sitis, aurea quaeris Pocula? num esuriens fastidis omnia praeter Pavonem rhombumque? Tument tibi cum inguina, num, si
Ancilla aut vernast praesto puer, impetus in quern Continuo fiat, malis tentigine rumpi? Non ego : namque parabilem amo venerem facilemque. Illam * Post paulo ' ; ' Sed pluris ' ; * Si exierit vir ' Gallis, hanc Philodemus ait sibi, quae neque magno Stet pretio neque cunctetur, cumst iussa, venire. Candida rectaque sit, munda hactenus, ut neque longa Nec magis alba velit, quam dat natura, videri. Haec, ubi supposuit dextro corpus mihi laevum, Ilia et Egeriast ; do nomen quodlibet illi. Nec vereor, ne, dum futuo, vir rare recurrat,
16
SATIRES BOOK I
While he admires a thin, light-sboulder'd chest, A little head, broad back, and rising crest.
Th' example's good; then keep it in thy mind, Nor to the fair one's faults be over-blind, Nor gaze with idle rapture on her charms; "Oh! what a taper leg! what snowy arms!" For she may hide, whate'er she vainly shows, Low hips, short waist, splay feet, and hideous length of nose.
But if you still pursue this dangerous game (Perhaps the dangers your desires inflame) What formidable works around her rise ! Maids, chairmen, footmen, flatterers guard the prize. The flowing robe, and closely muffled veil With envious folds the precious thing conceal ; But what from nature's commoners you buy, Through the thin robe stands naked to your eye : Or, if you will be cheated, pay the fair, With foolish fondness, ere she shows her ware.
As when a sportsman through the snowy waste Pursues a hare, which he disdains to taste, " So (sings the rake) my passion can despise An easy prey, but follow when it flies." Yet can these idle versicles remove The griefs and tortures of this guilty love?
Were it not better wisdom to inquire How nature bounds each impotent desire; What she with ease resigns, or wants with pain. And thus divide tbe solid from the vain? Say, should your jaws with thirst severely burn, Would you a cleanly earthen picture spurn ? Should hunger on your gnawing entrails seize, Will turbot only or a peacock please ?
Let her be straight and fair ; nor wish to have Or height or colour Nature never gave : Then, while with joy I woo the pleasing fair, What nymph, what goddess, can with mine compare ? No terrors rise to interrupt my joys, No jealous husband, nor the fearful noise Of bursting doors, nor the loud hideous yelling
17
SERMONUM LIBER PRIMUS
lanua frangatur, latret canis, undique magno Pulsa domus strepitu resonet, vepallida lecto Desiliat inulier, miseram se conscia clamet, Oruribus haec metuat, doti deprensa, egomet mi. Discincta tunica fugiendumst ac pede nudo, Ne nummi pereant aut puga aut denique fama, Deprendi rniserumsfc : Fabio vel iudice vincam.
III.
Omnibus hoc vitiumst cantoribus, inter amicos Vt numquam inducant an i mum cantare rogati, Iniussi numquam desistant. Sardus habebat Ille Tigellius hoc : Caesar, qui cogere posset, Si peteret per amicitiam patris atque suam, non Quicquam proficeret ; si conlibuisset, ab ovo Vsque ad mala citaret ' io Bacchae ' modo summa Voce, modo hac, resonat quae chordis quattuor ima. Nil aequale homini fuit illi : saepe velut qui Ourrebat fugiens hostem, persaepe velut qui Iunonis sacra ferret ; habebat saepe ducentos, Saepe decern servos ; modo reges atque tetrarchas, Omnia magna loquens, modo 'sit mihi mensa tripes et Concha salis puri et toga, quae defenders frigus, Quamvis crassa, queat/ Deciens centena dedisses Huic parco, paucis contento : quinque diebus Nil erat in loculis. Noctes vigilabat ad ipsum Mane, diem totum stertebat. Nil fuit umquam Sic inpar sibi. Nunc aliquis dicat mihi < quid ? tu Nullane habes vitia ? ' Immo alia, haut f ortasse minora.
18
[Maenius
SATIRES BOOK I
Of barking dogs, that shake the matron's dwelling,
When the pale wanton leaps from off her bed,
The conscious chamber-maid screams out her dread
Of horrid tortures; loudly cries the wife,
" My jointure's lost,"—- 1 tremble for my life :
Unbuttoii'd, without shoes, I speed away,
Lest in my person, purse, or fame, I pay.
To be surpris'd is, sure, a wretched tale,
And for the truth to Fabius I appeal.
Ill
With this one vice all songsters are possest ; Sing they can never at a friend's request, Yet chant it forth, unaskt, from morn to night — , This vice Tigellius carried to its height. Caesar, who might command in firmer tone, If, by his father's friendship and his own, He askt a song, was sure to ask in vain; Yet, when the whim prevail'd, in endless strain Through the whole feast the jovial catch he plies, From base to treble o'er the gamut flies.
Nothing was firm, or constant, in the man ; He, sometimes, like a frighted coward ran, Whose foes are at his heels; then solemn stalkt, As if at Juno's festival he walkt. Now with two hundred slaves he crowds his train; Now walks with ten. In high and haughty strain, At morn, of tetrarchs and of kings he prates; At night — "A three-legg'd table, O ye Fates, A little shell the sacred salt to hold, And clothes, though coarse, to keep me from the cold." Yet give the man, thus frugal, thus content, Ten thousand pounds, and every shilling's spent In five short days. He drank the night away Till rising dawn, then snor'd out all the day. Sure such a various creature ne'er was known.— "Has Horace, then, no vices of his own?"
19
SBRMONUM LIBER PRIMUS
Maenius absentem Noviuni cum carperet, ' heus, tu ' Quidam ait ' ignoras te an ut ignotum dare nobis Verba putas ? ■ * Egomet mi ignosco ' Maenius inquit. Stultus et inprobus hie amor est dignusque notari. Cum tua pervideas oculis mala lippus inunctis, Cur in amicorum vitiis tarn cernis acutum Quam aut aquila aut serpens Epidaurius ? At tibi contra
Evenit, inquirant vitia ut tua rursus et illi. Iracundior est paullo, minus aptus acutis Naribus horum hominum, rideri possit eo, quod Rusticius tonso toga defluit et male laxus In pede caiceus haeret ; at est bonus, ut melior vir Non alius quisquam, at tibi amicus, at ingenium ingens Inculto latet hoc sub corpore. Denique te ipsum Concute, numqua tibi vitiorum inseverit olim Natura aut etiam consuetudo mala ; namque Neglectis urenda filix innascitur agris. Illuc praevertamur, amatorem quod amicae Turpia decipiunt caecum vitia aut etiam ipsa haec Delectant, veluti Balbinum polypus Hagnae. Vellem in amicitia sic erraremus et isti Errori nomen virtus posuisset honestum. Ac pater ut gnati, sic nos debemus, amici Si quod sit vitium, non fastidire : strabonem Appellat paetum pater, et pullum, male parvus Si cui filius est, ut abortivus fuit olim Sisyphus ; hunc varum distortis cruribus, ilium Balbutit scaurum, pravis fultum male talis.
20
[Parcius
SATIRES BOOK I
That I have vices, frankly I confess,
But of a different kind, and somewhat less.
Mssnius, behind his back, at Novius rail'd, " What ! don't you know yourself, or think conceal' d From us, who know you, what a life you live?" Msenius replies, Indulgent, I forgive The follies I commit. This foolish love And criminal, our censure should reprove. For wherefore, while you carelessly pass by Your own worst vices with unheeding eye, Why so sharp-sighted in another's fame, Strong as an eagle's ken, or dragon's beam? But know, that he with equal spleen shall view, With equal rigour shall your faults pursue.
Your friend is passionate : perhaps unfit For the brisk petulance of modern wit. His hair ill-cut, his robe that awkward flows, Or his large shoes, to raillery expose The man you love ; yet is he not possest Of virtues, with which very few are blest? While underneath this rude, uncouth disguise A genius of extensive knowledge lies.
Search your own breast, and mark with honest care What seeds of folly Nature planted there, Or Custom rais'd ; for an uncultur'd field Shall for the fire its thorns and thistles yield.
And yet a shorter method we may find, As lovers, to their fair-one fondly blind, Even on her foulness can delighted gaze ; For Hagne's wen can good Balbinus please. Oh! were our weakness to our friends the same, And stampt by Virtue with some honour'd name !
Nor should we to their faults be more severe, Than an indulgent father to his heir : If with distorted eyes the urchin glares, "Oh! the dear boy, how prettily he stares!" Is he of dwarfish and abortive size ? " Sweet little moppet ! " the fond father cries : Or is the unshapen cub deform'd and lame ? He kindly lisps him o'er some tender name.
21
SERMONUM LIBER PRIMUS
Parcius hie vivit : frugi dicatur. Ineptus Et iactantior hie paullost : concinnus amicis Postulat ut videatur. At est truculeutior atque Plus aequo liber : simplex fortisque habeatur. Caidior est : acres inter numeretur. Opinor, Haec res et iungit, iunctos et servat amicos. At nos virtutes ipsas invertimus atque Sineerum cupimus vas incrustare. Probus quis Nobiscum vivit, multum demissus homo ille : Tardo cognomen pingui damns. Hie fugit omnes Insidias nullique malo latus obdit apertum, Cum genus hoc inter vitae verseinur, ubi acris Invidia atque vigent ubi crimina : pro bene sano Ac non incauto fictum astutumque vocamus. Simplicior quis et est, qualem me saepe libenter Obtulerim tibi, Maecenas, ut forte legentem Aut taciturn impeilat quovis sermone : ' molestus Oommuni sensu plane caret' inquimus. Eheu, Quam temere in nosmet legem sancimus iniquam. Nam vitiis nemo sine nascitur; optimus illest, Qui minimis urguetur. Amicus dulcis, ut aequumst, Cum mea conpensat vitiis bona, pluribus hisce, Si modo piura mihi bona sunt, inclinet. Amare Si volet hac lege, in trutina ponetur eadem. Quv ne tuberibus propriis offendat amicum, Postulat, ignoscet verrucis illius: aequumst Peccatis veniam poscentem reddere rursus. Denique, quatenus excidi penitus vitium irae, Cetera item nequeunt stultis haerentia, cur non
[Ponderibus
22
SATIRES BOOK I
Thus, if your friend's too frugally severe, Let him a wise economist appear. Is he, perhaps, impertinent and vain? "The pleasant creature means to entertain." Is he too free to prate, or frankly rude?
Tia manly plainness all, and fortitude." Is he too warm? "No: spirited and bold." Thus shall we gain new friends, and keep the old. But we distort their virtue to a crime, And joy the untainted vessel to begrime. Have we a modest friend, and void of art? " He's a fat-headed wretch, and cold of heart." While we converse with an ili-natur'd age, "Where calumny and envy lawless rage, Is there a man by long experience wise, Still on his guard, nor open to surprise? His cautious wisdom and prudential fear Shall artifice and false disguise appear.
If any one of simple, thoughtless kind (Such as you oft your careless poet find) Who life's politer manners never knew, If, while we read, or some fond scheme pursue, He tease us with his mere impertinence, We cry, The creature wants even common sense. Alas ! what laws of how severe a strain, Against ourselves we thoughtlessly ordain! For we have all our vices, and the best Is he, who with the fewest is opprest.
A kinder friend, who balances my good And bad together, as in truth he should, If haply my good qualities prevail, Inclines indulgent to the sinking scale. For like indulgence let his errors plead, His merits be with equal measure weigh'd ; For he, who hopes his bile shall not offend, Should overlook the pimples of his friend, And even in justice to his own defects, At least should grant the pardon he expects. But since we never from the breast of fools Can root their passions ; yet while Reason rules,
23
SERMONUM LIBER PRIMUS
Ponderibus modulisque suis ratio utitur, ac res
Vt quaequest, ita suppliciis delicta cohercet?
Si quis eum servum, patinam qui tollere iussus
Semesos pisces tepidumque ligurrierit ius,
In cruce suffigat, Labeone insanior inter
Sanos dicatur. Quanto hoc furiosius atqne
Maius peecatumst: paulum deliquit amicus,
Quod nisi concedas, habeare insuavis, acerbus :
Odisti et fugis ut Rusonem debitor aeris,
Qui nisi, cum tristes misero venere kalendae,
Mercedem aut nummos unde unde extricat, amaras
Porrecto iugulo bistorias captivus ut audit.
Conminxit lectum potus mensave catillum
Euandri manibus tritum deiecit : ob hanc rem,
Aut positum ante mea quia pullum in parte catini
Sustulit esuriens, minus hoc iucundus amicus
Sit mihi ? Quid faciam, si furtum fecerit aut si
Prodiderit conmissa fide sponsumve negarit?
Quis paria esse fere placuit peccata, laborant,
Cam ventum ad verumst: sensus moresque repugnant
Atque ipsa utilitas, iusti prope mater et aequi.
Cum prorepserunt primis animalia terris,
Mutum et turpe pecus, glandem atque cubilia propter
Vnguibus et pugnis, dein fustibus, atque ita porro
Pugnabant armis, quae post fabricaverat usus,
Donee verba, quibus voces sensusque notarent,
Nominaque invenere ; dehinc absistere bello,
Oppida coeperunt munire et ponere leges,
Ne quis fur esset neu latro neu quis adulter.
Nam fuit ante Helenam cunnus deterrima belli
24
[Causa,
SATIRES BOOK I
Let it hold forth its scales with equal hand, Justly to punish, as the crimes demand.
If a poor slave, who takes away your plate, Lick the warm sauce, or half-cold fragments eat. Yet should you crucify the wretch, we swear Not Labeo's madness can with yours compare. Is the crime less, or less the want of sense, Thus to resent a trivial, slight offence? Forgive the man you lov'd, or you'll appear Of joyless kind, ill-natur'd and severe ; Yet you detest him, and with horror shun, As debtors from the ruthless Huso run, Who damns the wretches on the appointed day His interest or principal to pay, Or else, like captives, stretch the listening ear His tedious tales of history to hear.
A friend has f oul'd my couch : ah ! deep disgrace I Or off the table thrown some high-wrought vase, Or, hungry, snatcht a chicken off my plate, Shall I for this a good companion hate? What if he robb'd me, or his trust betray'd, Or broke the sacred promise he had made?
Who holds all crimes alike are deep distrest, Shall we appeal to Truth's impartial test. Sense, custom, social good, from whence arise All forms of right and wrong, the fact denies.
When the first mortals crawling rose to birth, Speechless and wretched, from their mother-earth, For caves and acorns then the food of life, With nails and fists they held a bloodless strife ; But soon improv'd, with clubs they bolder fought, And various arms, which sad experience wrought, Till words, to fix the wandering voice, were found, And names imprest a meaning upon sound. Thenceforth they cease from war; their towns enclose With formidable walls, and laws compose To strike the thief and highwayman with dread, And vindicate the sacred marriage-bed. For woman, long ere Helen's fatal charms, Destructive woman! set the world in arms:
25
SERMONUM LIBER PRIMUS
Oausa, sed ignotis perierunt mortibus illi
Quos venerem incertam rapientes more ferarum
Viribus editior caedebat, ut in grege taurus.
lura inventa metu iniusti fateare necessest,
Tempora si fastosque velis evolvere mundi.
Nec natura potest iusto secernere iniquum,
Dividit ut bona diversis, fugienda petendis ;
Nec vincet ratio hoc, tantundern ut peccet idemque.
Qui teneros caules alieni fregerit horti
St qui nocturnus sacra divum legerit. Adsit
Regula, peccatis quae poenas inroget aequas,
Ne scutica dignum horribili seetere fiageilo.
Nam ut ferula caedas meritum maiora subire
Verbera nunc vereor, cum dicas esse pares res
Furta latrociniis et magnis parva mineris
Faice recisurum simili te, si tibi regnum
Permittant homines. Si dives, qui sapiens est,
Et sutor bonus et solus formosus et est rex,
Cur optas quod habes ? ' Non nosti, quid pater/ inquit,
4 Ohrysippus dicat : sapiens crepidas sibi numquam
Nec soleas fecit; sutor tamen est sapiens.' Qui?
* Vt quamvis tacet Hermogenes, cantor tamen atque
Optimus est modulator ; ut Alfenus vafer omni
Abiecto instrumento artis clausaque taberna
Tonsor erat ; sapiens operis sic optimus omnis
Est opifex, solus sic rex.' Yellunt tibi bar bam
Lascivi pueri, quos tu nisi fuste coherces,
Vrgueris turba circum te stante miserque
Rumperis et latras, magnorum maxime regum.
26
[Ne
SATIRES BOOK I
But the first heroes died unknown to fame, Like beasts who ravisht the uncertain dame ; When, as the stoutest bull commands the rest, The weaker by the stronger was opprest.
Turn o'er the world's great annals, and you find, That laws were first invented by mankind To stop oppression's rage. For though we learn, By nature, good from evil to discern; What we should wise pursue, or cautious fly ; Yet can she never, with a constant eye, Of legal justice mark each nice extreme ; Nor can right reason prove the crime the same, To rob a garden, or, by fear unaw'd, To steal, by night, the sacred things of God.
Then let the punishment be fairly weigh'd Against the crime ; nor let the wretch be fiay'd, Who scarce deserv'd the lash. — I cannot fear, That you shall prove too tenderly severe, While you assert all vices are the same ; And threaten, that were yours the power supreme, Robbers and thieves your equal rage should feel, Uprooted by the same avenging steel.
If your wise man's a shoemaker profest, Handsome and rich ; of monarchy possest, Why wish for what you have?
Yet hold, my friend, And better to the Stoic's sense attend. For though the wise nor shoes, nor slippers made, He's yet a skilful shoemaker by trade, Thus, though Hermogenes may sing no more, He knows the whole extent of music's power ; Alfenus thus turn'd lawyer in his pride, His shop shut up, his razors thrown aside, Was still a barber : so the wise alone Is of all trades, though exercising none, And reigns a monarch, though without a throne. Great king of kings, unless you drive away This pressing crowd, the boys in wanton play Will pluck you by the beard, while you shall growl, Wretch as thou art, and burst in spleen of souL
27
SERMONUM LIBER PRIMUS
Ne longum faciam : dum tu quadrante lavatum Rex ibis neque te quisquam stipator ineptum Praeter Crispinum sectabitur, et mihi dulces Ignoscent, si quid peccaro stultus, amici, Inque vicem illorum patiar delicta libenter, Privatusque magis vivam te rege beatus.
IIII
Eupolis atque Cratinus Aristophanesque poetae Atque alii, quorum comoedia prisca virorumst, Si quis erat dignus describi, quod malus ac fur, Quod moeclius foret aut sicarius aut alioqui Famosus, multa cum libertate notabant. Hinc omnis pendet Luciiius, hosce secutus Mutatis tan turn pedibus numerisque, facetus, Emunctae naris, durus conponere versus. Nam fuit hoc vitiosus: in hora saepe ducentos, Vt magnum, versus dictabat stans pede in uno. Cum flueret lutulentus, erat quod tollere velles; Garrulus atque piger scribendi ferre laborem, Scribendi recte: nam ut multum, nil moror. Ecce, Crispinus minimo me provocat * accipe, si vis, Accipiam tabulas ; detur nobis locus, hora, Custodes ; videamus uter plus scribere possit.' Di bene fecerunt, inopis me quodque pusilli Finxerunt animi, raro et perpauca loquentis; At tu conclusas hircinis follibus auras, Vsque laborantes, dum ferrum molliat ignis, Vt mavis, imitare. Beatus Fannius ultro Delatis capsis et imagine, cum mea nemo Scripta legat, vulgo recitare timentis ob hanc rem,
28
[Quod
SATIRES BOOK I
In short, while in a farthing bath you reign.
"With only one poor life-guard in your train ;
While the few friends with whom I joy to live,
Fool as I am, my follies can forgive,
I will to them the same indulgence show,
And bliss like mine thy kingship ne'er shall know.
IV.
The comic poets, in its earliest age Who forin'd the manners of the Grecian stage, Was there a villain, who might justly claim A better right bf being damn'd to fame, Rake, cut-throat, thief, whatever was his crime, They freely stigmatiz'd the wretch in rime.
From their example whole Lucilius rose, Though different measures, different verse he chose. He rallied with a gay and easy air, But rude his numbers, and his style severe. He weakly fancied it a glorious feat His hundred lines extempore to repeat, And as his verses like a torrent roll, The stream runs muddy, and the water's foul. He prattled rimes; but lazy and unfit For writing well; for much, I own, he writ.
Orispinus thus my littleness defies ; " Here make the smallest bet," the boaster cries. "Pen, ink, and paper — name your place and time: Then, try, friend Flaccus, who can fastest rime."
Thank heaven, that form'd me of an humbler kind ; No wit, nor yet to prattling much inclin'd, While thou shalt imitate the winds, that blow From lungs of leather, till the metal flow.
Thrice happy Fannius, of his own free grace Who in Apollo's temple hangs his face, And gilds his works to view : while I with fear Repeat my verses to the public ear;
29
SERMONUM LIBER PRIMUS
Quod sunt quos genus hoc minime iuvat, utpote plures Oulpari dignos. Quemvis media elige turba: Aut ab avaritia aut misera ambitione laborat, Hie nuptarum insanit amoribus, hie puerorum ; Hunc capit argenti splendor ; stupet Albius aere ; Hie mutat merces surgente a sole ad eum, quo Vespertina tepet regio ; quin per mala praeceps Fertur, uti pulvis collectus turbine, ne quid Summa deperdat metuens aut ampliet ut rem. Omnes hi metuunt versus, odere poetam. 4 Faenum habet in cornu, longe f uge : dummodo risum Excutiat sibi, non hie cuiquam parcet amico, Et quodcumque semel chartis inleverit, omnes Gestiet a furno redeuntes scire lacuque Et pueros et anus.' Agedum, pauca accipe contra. Primum ego me illorum, dederim quibus esse poetis, Excerpam numero : neque enim concludere versum Dixeris esse satis ; neque, si qui scribat uti nos Sermoni propiora, putes hunc esse poetam. Ingenium cui sit, cui mens divinior atque os Magna sonaturum, des nominis huius honorem. Idcirco quidam, comoedia necne poema Esset, quaesivere, quod acer spiritus ac vis Nec verbis nee rebus inest, nisi quod pede certo Differt sermoni, sermo merus. ' At pater ardens Saevit, quod meretrice nepos insanus arnica Filius uxorem grandi cum dote recuset, Ebrius et, magnum quod dedecus, ambulet ante Noctem cum facibus/ Numquid Pomponius istis
30
[Audiret
SATIRES BOOK I
Because by few such works as mine are read, Conscious of meriting the lash they dread.
Take me a man, at venture, from the crowd, And he's ambitious, covetous, or proud. One burns to madness for the wedded dame ; Intemperate lusts another's breast inflame The silver vase with pleasure one admires, While Albius o'er a bronze antique expires; The venturous merchant, from the rising day To regions warm'd beneath the setting ray, Like dust collected by whirlwind, flies To save his pelf, or bid the mass arise. All these the poet dread, his rimes detest — " Yonder he drives — avoid that furious beast ; If he may have his jest, he never cares At whose expense, nor his best friend he spares ; And if he once, in his malignant vein, The cruel paper with invectives stain, The slaves, who carry water through the street, To his charm'd ear his verses must repeat."
Now hear this short defence. For my own part, I claim no portion of the poet's art. 'Tis not enough to close the flowing line, And in ten syllables your sense confine, Or write in mere prosaic rimes like me, That can deserve the name of poetry.
Is there a man, whom real genius fires, Whom the diviner soul of verse inspires ; Who talks true greatness ; let him boldly claim The sacred honours of a poet's name.
Some therefore ask, Can comedy be thought A real poem, since it may be wrought In stile and subject without fire or force, And, bate the numbers, is but mere discourse. " But yet in passion'd tone the sire can chide His spendthrift son, who spurns the portion'd bride, And keeps a common wench, or deep in drink Reels in fair day-light (shameful) with his link." Yet could Pomponius from his father hear, Were he alive, a lecture less severe?
31
SERMONUM LIBER PRIMUS
Audiret leviora, pater si viveret ? Ergo
Non satis est puris versum perscribere verbis,
Quern si dissolvas, quivis stomachetur eodem
Quo personatus pacto pater. His, ego quae nunc,
Olim quae scripsit Lucilius, eripias si
Temp or a certa modosque, et quod prius ordine verbumst
Posterius facias, praeponens ultima primis :
Non, ut si solvas * postquam Discordia taetra
Eelli ferratos postes portasque refregit,'
Invenias etiam disiecti membra poetae.
Hactenus haec : alias, iustum sit necne poema ;
Nunc illud tantum quaeram, meritone tibi sit
Suspectum genus hoc scribendi. Sulcius acer
Ambulat et Oaprius, rauci male cumque libellis,
Magnus uterque timor latronibus ; at bene si quis
Et vivat puris manibus, contemnat utrumque.
Vt sis tu similis Caeli Birrique latronum,
Non ego sum Capri neque Sulci : cur metuas me ?
Nulla taberna meos habeat neque pila libellos,
Quis manus insudet vulgi Hermogenisque Tigelli ;
Nec recito cuiquam nisi amicis idque coactus,
Non ubivis coramve quibuslibet. In medio qui
Scripta foro recitent, sunt multi, quique lavantes :
Suave locus voci resonat conclusus. Inanes
Hoc iuvat, haud illud quaerentes, num sine sensu,
Tempore num faciant alieno. 'Laedere gaudes,'
Inquit, ' et hoc studio pravus facis.' Ynde petitum
Hoc in me iacis? Est auctor quis denique eorum,
Vixi cum quibus ? Absentem qui rodit amicum,
Qui non defendit alio culpante, solutos
[Qui
SATIRES BOOK I
'Tis not enough your language to refine, When, if you break the measures of the line, In common life an angry father's rage Is but the same as Demea's on the stage*
Take from Lucilius' verses, or from mine, The cadences, and measures of the line, Then change their order, and the words transpose, No more the scatter' d poet's limbs it shows ; Not so — When hideous Discord burst the bars, And iron gates, to pour forth all her wars.
Of this enough; some future work shall show, Whether 'tis real poetry, or no. Now tell me, whether satire should appear, With reason, such an object of your fear.
Sulcius, and Caprius, fiercest of their trade, Hoarse with the virulence, with which they plead, When through the streets they stalk with libels arm' d, Mark how the thieves and robbers are alarm'd ; But yet the man of honest hands and pure May scorn them both, in innocence secure : Or though like Coelius you a villain be, I'm no informer: whence your fears of me? With printers and their shops I never deal; No rubric pillar sets my works to sale, O'er which the hands of vulgar readers sweat, Or whose soft strains Tigellius can repeat. Even by my friends compell'd I read my lays, Nor every place nor every audience please.
Full many bards the public Forum choose Where to recite the labours of their Muse ; Or vaulted baths, that best preserve the sound, While sweetly floats the voice in echoes round. The coxcombs never think at whose expense They thus indulge the dear impertinence, " But you in libels, mischievous, delight, And never, but in spleen of genius, write." Is there, with whom I live, who knows my heart, Who taught you how to aim this venom'd dart ?
He, who malignant tears an absent friend, Or, when attackt by others, don't defend ;
33
SERMONUM LIBER PRIMUS
Qui captat risus hominum famamque dicacis, Fingere qui non visa potest, conmissa tacere Qui nequit : hie niger est, hune tu, Romane, caveto. Saepe tribus lectis videas cenare quaternos, E quibus unus amet quavis aspergere cunctos Praeter eum qui praebet aquam ; post hunc quoque potus,
Condita cum verax aperit praecordia Liber.
Hie tibi comis et urbanus liberque videtur,
Infesto nigris ; ego si risi, quod ineptus
Pastillos Rufillus olet, Gargonius hircum,
Lividus et mordax videor tibi ? Mentio si qua
De Capitoiini furtis iniecta Petiiii
Te coram fuerit ; def endas, ut tuus est mos :
'Me Oapitolinus convictore usus amicoque
A puerost causaque mea permulta rogatus
Fecit, et incolumis laetor quod vivit in urbe ;
Sed tamen admiror, quo pacto iudicium illud
FugerhV : hie nigrae sucus loliginis, haec est
Aerugo mera ; quod vitium procul afore chartis
Atque animo prius, ut si quid promittere de me
Possum aliud vere, promitto. Liberius si
Dixero quid, si forte iocosius, hoc mihi iuris
Cum venia dabis : insuevit pater optimus hoc me,
Vt fugerem exemplis vitiorum quaeque notando.
Cum me hortaretur, parce, frugaliter atque
Viverem uti contentus eo, quod mi ipse parasset :
'Nonne vides, Albi ut male vivat films utque
Baius inops? Magnum documentum, ne patriam rem
Perdere quis velit.' A turpi meretricis amore
Cum deterreret : ' Scetani dissimilis sis.
[Ne
SATIRES BOOK I
Who trivial bursts of laughter strives to raise, And courts of prating petulance the praise ; Of things he never saw who tells his tale, And friendship's secrets knows not to conceal,— This man is vile : here, Roman, fix your mark ; His soul is black, as his complexion's dark.
At tables, crowded with a dozen guests, Some one shall scatter round his frigid jests, And only spare his host, until the bowl, Fair friend of truth, unlocks his inmost soul ; Yet, though a cruel joker you detest, He seems a courteous, well-bred, easy guest. But if in idle raillery I said, RuGllus with perfumes distracts my head, While foul Gorgonius breathes a ranker air, You think me most envenom'd and severe.
If we, by chance, that thief Petillius name, You, as your custom is, defend his fame. "Petillius is my friend; from early youth Cheerful we liv'd together, and in truth I have been much indebted to his power, And I rejoice to find his danger o'er. But in the name of wonder be it said, At the same trial how he sav'd his head."— Such rancour this, of such a poisonous vein, As never, never, shall my paper stain ; Much less infect my heart, if I may dare For my own heart, in any thing, to swear.
Yet some indulgence I may justly claim, If too familiar with another's fame. The best of fathers, on my youthful breast, The detestation of a vice imprest By strong examples. Would he have me live Content with what his industry could give, In frugal, sparing sort, "Behold, my son, Young Albius there, how wretchedly undone I Yet no mean lesson is the spendthrift's fate To caution youth from squandering their estate," To fright me from the harlot's vagrant bed, "Behold Scetanius, and his ruin dread:"
35
SERMONUM LIBER PRIMUS
Ne sequerer moechas, concessa cum venere uti Possem : ' deprensi non bellast f ama Treboni ' Aiebat. 'Sapiens, vitatu quidque petitu Sit melius, causas reddet tibi ; mi satis est, si Traditum ab antiquis morem servare tuamque, Dura custodis eges, vitam famamque tueri Incolumem possum ; simul ac duraverit aetas Membra animumque tuum, nabis sine cortice.' Sic me Formabat puerum dictis, et sive iubebat, Vt f acerem quid, ' habes auctorem, quo facias hoc : ' — Vnum ex iudicibus selectis obiciebat ; — Sive vetabat, 'an hoc inhonestum et inutile factu Necne sit addubites, flagret rumore malo cum Hie atque ille ? ' Avidos vicinum funus ut aegros Exanimat mortisque metu sibi parcere cogit, Sic teneros animos aliena opprobria saepe Absterrent vitiis. Ex hoc ego sanus ab illis, Perniciem quaecumque ferunt, mediocribus et quis Ignoscas vitiis teneor ; fortassis et istinc Largiter abstulerit longa aetas, liber amicus, Consilium proprium : neque enim, cum lectulus aut me Porticus excepit, desum mihi. ' Rectius hoc est. Hoc faciens vivam melius. Sic dulcis amicis Occurram. Hoc quidam non belle : numquid ego illi Inprudens olim f aciam simile ? 1 Haec ego mecum Conpressis agito labris ; ubi quid datur oti, Inludo chartis. Hoc est mediocribus illis
[Ex
SATIRES BOOK I
That I might ne'er pursue the wedded dame, "A lawful Venus will indulge your flame. My son, by poor Trebonius be advis'd ; Sure, 'tis no pleasant tale to be surpris'd."
" 'Twixt right and wrong the learned may decide, With wise distinctions may your conduct guide: Be mine the common wisdom, that inspires The frugal manners of our ancient sires, And, while your youth may yet a tutor claim, To guard your virtue, and preserve your fame; But soon as time confirms, with stronger tone, Your strength and mind, your conduct be your own."
Thus did he form my youth with lenient hand. When he for virtue urg'd the soft command, Pointing some awful senator to view, " His grave example constantly pursue." Would he dissuade me ? " Can you doubt," he cries, "That equal ruin and dishonour rise From such an action, when that scoundrel's name Is branded with the flagrant marks of shame?" A neighbour's funeral, with dire affright, Checks the sick man's intemperate appetite ; So is the shame of others oft imprest With wholesome terrors on the youthful breast.
Thus, pure from more pernicious crimes I live : Some venial frailties you may well forgive, For such I own I have ; and yet even these, A length of time, although by slow degrees, A friend, whose candour freely may reprove, Or my own reason, shall perhaps remove ; For in my bed, or in the colonnade Sauntering, I call reflection to my aid. "This was well done. Here happiness attends. This conduct makes me pleasing to my friends. Were that man's actions of a beauteous kind? Oh! may I never be to such inclin'd!"
Thus, silently I talk my conduct o'er, Or trifle with the Muse an idle hour ; For which, among my frailties, I demand Forgiveness, and shall call a powerful band,
37
SERMONUM LIBER PRIMUS
Ex vitiis unum ; cui si concedere nolis, Multa poetarum veniet manus, auxilio quae Sit mihi : nam multo plures sumus, ac veluti te Iudaei cogemus in hanc concedere turbam.
V.
Eg-ressum magna me excepit Aricia Roma Hospitio modico, rhetor comes Heliodorus, Graecorum longe doctissimus ; inde Forum Appi, Differtum nautis cauponibus atqua malignis. Hoc iter ignavi divisimus, altius ac nos Praecinctis unum : minus est gravis Appia tardis. Hie ego propter aquam, quod erat deterrima, ventri Indico bellum, cenantes haud animo aequo Exspectans comites. lam nox inducere terris Vmbras et caelo diffundere signa parabat. Turn pueri nautis, pueris convitia nautae Ingerere : ' hue adpelle ' ; ' trecentos inseris ; ohe, lam satis est.' Dum aes exigitur, dum mula ligatur, Tota abit hora. Mali culices ranaeque palustres Avertunt somnos. Absentem ut cantat amicam Multa prolutus vappa nauta atque viator Certatim, tandem fessus dormire viator Incipit, ac missae pas turn retinacula mulae Nauta piger saxo religat stertitque supinus. Iamque dies aderat, nil cum procedere lrutrem Sentimus, donee cerebrosus prosilit unus
38
(Ac
SATIRES BOOK I
If you refuse, of poets to my aid
(Well fraught with numbers is the riming trade)
To force you, like the proselyting Jews
To be, like us, a brother of the Muse.
V.
Leaving imperial Rome, my course I steer
To poor Aricia, and its moderate cheer,
From all the Greeks, in rhetorician lore,
The prize of learning my companion bore.
To Forum-Appii thence we steer, a place
Stuft with rank boatmen, and with vintners base,
And laggard into two days' journey broke
What were but one to less-encumber'd folk :
The Appian road, however, yields most pleasure
To those who choose to travel at their leisure.
The water here was of so foul a stream
Against my stomach I a war proclaim,
And wait, though not with much good-humour wait,
While with keen appetites my comrades eat.
The Night o'er earth now spread her dusky shade, And through the heavens her starry train display'd; What time, between the slaves and boatmen rise Quarrels of clamorous rout. The boatman cries, "Step in, my masters;" when with open throat, "Enough you scoundrel: will you sink the boat?" Thus, while the mule is harnest, and we pay Our freights, an hour in wrangling slips away.
The fenny frogs with croakings hoarse and deep, And gnats, loud buzzing, drive away our sleep. Drencht in the lees of wine, the watery swain And passenger in loud alternate strain Chant forth the absent fair, who warms his breast, Till wearied passenger retires to rest. Our clumsy bargeman sends his mule to graze, And the tough cable to a rock belays, Then snores supine; but when at rising light Our boat stood still, up starts a hair-brain'd wight ;
39
SERMONUM LIBER PRIMUS
Ac mulae nautaeque caput lumbosque saligno Fuste dolat : quarta vix demum exponimur hora. Ora manusque tua lavimus, Feronia, lympha ; Milia turn pransi tria repimus atque subimus Inpositum saxis late candentibus Anxur. Hue ven turns erat Maecenas optimus atque Cocceius, missi magnis de rebus uterque Legati, aversos soliti conponere amicos. Hie oculis ego nigra meis collyria lippus Inlinere ; inter ea Maecenas advenit atque Cocceius Capitoque simul Fonteius, ad unguem Factus homo, Antoni, non ut magis alter, amicus. Fundos Aufidio Lusco praetore libenter Linquimus, insani ridentes praemia scribae, Praetextam et latum clavum prunaeque vatillum. In Mamurrarum lassi deinde urbe manemus, Murena praebente domum, Capitone culinam. Postera lux oritur multo gratissima: namque Plotius et Varius Sinuessae Vergiliusque Occurrunt, animae, quales neque candidiores Terra tulit, neque quis me sit devinctior alter. O qui conplexus et gaudia quanta fuerunt! Nil ego contulerim iucundo sanus amico. Proxima Campano ponti quae villula, tectum Praebuit et parochi, quae debent, ligna salemque. Hinc muli Oapuae clitellas tempore ponunt. Lusurn it Maecenas, dormitum ego Vergiliusque ; Namque pila lippis inimicum et ludere crudis. Hinc nos Coccei recipit plenissima villa, Quae super est Oaudi cauponas. Nunc mini paucis Sarmenti scurrae pugnam Messique Cicirri Musa velim memores, et quo patre natus uterque
40
[Contuierit
SATIRES BOOK I
With sallow cudgel breaks the bargeman's pate,
And bangs the mule at a well-favour' d rate.
Thence onward labouring with a world of pain,
At ten, Feronia, we thy fountain gain :
There land and bathe ; then after dinner creep
Three tedious miles, and climb the rocky steep
Whence Auxur shines. Maecenas was to meet
Oocceius here, to settle things of weight ;
For they had oft in embassy been join'd
And reconciFd the masters of mankind.
Here while I bath'd my eyes with cooling ointment
They both arriv'd according to appointment ;
Fonteius too, a man of worth approv'd,
And no man more by Antony belov'd.
Laughing we leave an entertainment rare, The paltry pomp of Fundi's foolish mayor, The scrivener Luscus ; now with pride elate, With incense fum'd, and big with robes of state. From thence our wearied troop at Formiae rests, Murena's lodgers, and Fonteius' guests. Next rising morn with double joy we greet, For Plotius, Varius, Virgil here we meet : Pure spirits these ! the world no purer knows ; For none my heart with more affection glows : How oft did we embrace ! our joys how great ! For sure no blessing in the power of fate Can be compar'd, in sanity of mind, To friends of such companionable kind.
Near the Campanian bridge that night we lay, Where commissaries our expense defray. Early next morn to Capua we came ; Maecenas goes to tennis ; hurtful game To a weak stomach, and to tender eyes, So down to sleep with Virgil, Horace lies. Then by Cocceius we were nobly treated, Whose house above the Caudian tavern's seated.
And now, O Muse, in faithful numbers tell The memorable squabble that hefel, When Messius and Sarmentus join'd in fight, And whence descended each illustrious wight.
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SERMONUM LIBER PRIMUS
Oontulerit lites. Messi clarum genus Osci ;
Sarmenti domina exstat : ab his maioribus orti
Ad pugnam venere. Prior Sarmentus 'equi te
Esse feri similem dico.' Ridemus, et ipse
Messius ' accipio,' caput et movet. * O, tua cornu
Ni foret exsecto frons,' inquit, 4 quid faceres, cum
Sic mutilus minitaris ? ' At illi foeda cicatrix
Saetosam laevi frontem turpaverat oris.
Campanum in morbum, in faciem perinulta iocatus,
Pastorem saltaret uti Cyclopa rogabat :
Nil illi larva aut tragicis opus esse cothurnis.
Multa Cicirrus ad haec : donasset iamne catenam
Ex voto Laribus, quaerebat ; scriba quod esset,
Nilo deterius dominae ius esse : rogabat
Denique, cur umquara fugisset, cui satis una
Farris libra foret, gracili sic tamque pusillo.
Prorsus iucunde cenam producimus illam.
Tendimus hinc recta Beneventum, ubi sedulus hospss
Paene macros arsit dum turdos versat in igni :
Nam vaga per veterem dilapso flamma culinam
Volcano summum properabat lambere tectum.
Convivas avidos cenam servosque timentes
Turn rapere atque omnes restinguere velle videres.
Incipit ex illo montes Apulia notos
Ostentare mihi, quos torret Atabulus et quos
Numquam erepsemus, nisi nos vicina Trivici
Villa recepisset lacrimoso non sine fumo,
Vdos cum foliis ramos urente camino.
Hie ego mendacem stultissimus usque puellam
Ad mediam noctem exspecto ; somnus tamen aufert
Intentum veneri : turn inmundo somnia visu
Nocturnam vestem maculant ventremque supinum.
Quattuor hinc rapimur viginti et milia raedis,
Mansuri oppidulo, quod versu dicere non est,
Signis perfacilest : venit vilissima rerum
Hie aqua, sed panis longe pulcherrimus, ultra
[Callidus
SATIRES BOOK I
Messius, of high descent, from — Osci came ; His mistress might her slave Sarmentus claim. From such fam'd ancestry our champions rise- Hear me, thou horse-fac'd rogue, Sarmentus cries ; We laugh ; when Messius, throwing up his head, Accepts the challenge. O ! Sarmentus said, If you can threaten now, what would you do, Had not the horn been rooted out, that grew Full in thy front? A gash, of deep disgrace, Had stain'd the grisly honours of his face : Then on his country's infamous disease, And his own face, his ribaldry displays ; Begs him the one-eyed Cyclops' part to dance, Since he nor mask nor tragic buskins wants.
Messius replied, in virulence of strain ; "Did you to Saturn consecrate your chain? Though you were made a scrivener since your flight. Yet that can never hurt your lady's right. But, prithee wherefore did you run away ? Methinks, a single pound of bread a day Might such a sleek, thin-gutted rogue content : " And thus the jovial length of night we spent.
At our next inn our host was almost burn'd, While some lean thrushes at the fire he turn'd. Through his old kitchen rolls the god of fire, And to the roof the vagrant flames aspire. But hunger all our terrors overcame, We fly to save our meat, and quench the flame.
Apulia now my native mountains shows, Where the north wind burns frore, and parching blows ; Nor could we well have climb'd the steepy height, Did we not at a neighbouring village bait. Where from green wood the smouldering flames arise, And with a smoky sorrow fill our eyes.
In chariots thence at a large rate we came Eight leagues, and baited at a town, whose name Cannot in verse and measures be exprest, But may by marks and tokens well be guess'd. Its water, nature's cheapest element, Is bought and sold ; its bread most excellent ;
43
SERMONUM LIBER PRIMUS
Oallidus ut soleat umeris portare viator. Nam Canusi lapidosus, aquae non ditior urna Qui locus a forti Diomedest conditus olim, Flentibus hie Variu3 discedit maestus amicis. Inde Rubos fessi pervenimus, utpote longum Carpentes iter et factum corruptius imbri. Postera tempestas melior, via peior ad usque Bari moenia piscosi ; dein Gnatia lymphis Iratis exstructa dedit risusque iocosque, Dum famma sine tura liquescere limine sacro Persuadere cupit. Credat Iudaeus Apella, Non ego : namque deos didici securum agere aevum Nec, siquid miri faciat natura, deos id Tristes ex alto caeli demittere tecto. Brundisium longae finis chartaeque viaequest.
VI.
Non quia, Maecenas, Lydorum quidquid Etruscos
Incoiuit tines, nemo generosior est te,
Nec quod avus tibi maternus fuit atque paternus,
Olim qui magnis legionibus imperitarent,
Vt plerique solent, naso suspendis adunco
Ignotos, ut me libertino patre natum.
Cum referre negas, quali sit quisque parente
Natus, dum ingenuus, persuades hoc tibi vere,
Ante potestatem Tulli atque ignobile regnum
Multos saepe viros nullis maioribus ortos
Et vixisse probos, amplis et honoribus auctos ;
[Contra
44
SATIRES BOOK I
Which wary travellers provide with care, And on their shoulders to Oanusium bear, Whose bread is gritty, and its wealthiest stream Poor as the town's of unpoetic name.
Here Varius leaves us, and with tears he goes : With equal tenderness our sorrow flows. Onward to Rubi wearily we toii'd, The journey long, the road with rain was spoil'd. To Barium, fam'd for fish, we reacht next day, The weather fairer, but much worse the way. Then water-curst Egnatia gave us joke, And laughter great, to hear the moon-struck folk Assert, if incense on their altars lay, Without the help of fire it melts away. The sons of circumcision may receive The wondrous tale, which I shall ne'er believe ; For I have better learn'd, in blissful ease That the good gods enjoy immortal days, Nor anxiously their native skies forsake, When miracles the laws of nature break.
From thence our travels to Brundusium bend, Where our long journey and my paper end.
VI.
Though, since the Lydians fill'd the Tuscan coasts, No richer blood than yours Etruria boasts ; Though your great ancestors have armies led, You don't, as many do, with scorn upbraid The man of birth unknown, or turn the nose On me, who from a race of slaves arose : While you regard not, from what low degree A man's descended, if his mind be free ; Convinc'd, that long before the ignoble reign And power of Tullius, from a servile strain Full many rose for virtue high renown'd, By worth ennobled, and with honours crown'd :
45
SERMONUM LIBER PRIMUS
Contra Laevinum, Valeri genus, unde Superbus
Tarquinius regno pulsus fugit, unius assis
Non umquam pretio pluris licuisse ; notante
ludice, quo nosti, populo, qui stultus honores
Saepe dat indignis et famae servit ineptus,
Qui stupet in titulis et imaginibus. Quid oportet
Nos facere a volgo longe longeque remotos ?
Namque esto, populus Laevino mallet ho nor em
Quam Decio mandare novo, censorque moveret
Appius, ingenuo si non essem patre natus ;
Vel merito, quoniam in propria non pelle quiessem
Sed fulgente trahit constrictos Gloria curru
Non minus ignotos generosis. Quo tibi, Tilli,
Sum ere depositum clavum fierique tribuno ?
Invidia adcrevit, privato quae minor esset.
Nam ut quisque insanus nigris medium impediit crus
Pellibus et latum demisit pectore clavum,
Audit continuo 'quis homo hie et quo patre natus ? '
Vt, si qui aegrotet quo morbo Barrus, haberi
Vt cupiat formosus, eat quacumque, pueliis
Iniciat curam quaerendi singula, quali
Sit facie, sura quali, pede, dente, capillo :
Sic qui promittit cives, urbem sibi curae,
Imperium fore et Italiam et deiubra deorum,
Quo patre sit natus, num ignota matre inhonestus,
Omnes mortales curare et quaerere cogit.
4 Tune, Syri Damae aut Dionysi filius, audef
Deicere de saxo cives aut tradere Cadmo ? '
['At
SATIRES BOOK I
While he, who boasts that ancient race his own, Which drove the haughty Tarquin from the throne, Is vile and worthless in the people's eyes : The people, who, you know, bestow the prize To men most worthless, and, like s]aves to fame. With foolish reverence hail a titled name, And, rapt, with awe-struck admiration gaze When the long race its images displays.
But how shall we, who differ far and wide From the mere vulgar, this great point decide? For grant, the crowd some high-birth'd scoundrel chuse, And to the low-born man of worth refuse (Because low-born) the honours of the state, Shall we from thence their vice or virtue rate? Were I expell'd the senate-house with scorn, Justly, perhaps, because thus meanly born I fondly wanderd from my native sphere; Yet shall I with less real worth appear? Chain'd to her beamy car, Fame drags along The mean, the great, an undistinguisht throng.
Poor Tillius, when compell'd in luckless hour To quit your purple robe and tribune's power, A larger share of envy was thy fate, Which had been lessen'd in a private state. For in black sandals when a coxcomb's drest, When floats the robe impurpled down his breast, Instant, "What man is this?" he round him hears, "And who his father?" And when one appears Sick of your fever, Barrus, to desire That all the world his beauty should admire Anxious our girls inquire, "What mien and air, What leg and foot he has, what teeth and hair!" So he, who promises to guard the state, The gods, the temples, and th' imperial seat, Makes every mortal ask his father's name, And not less curious of his mother's fame.
"And shall a Syrian's son, like you, presume To hurl the free-born citizens of Rome From the Tarpeian rock's tremendous height, Or to the hangman Oadmus give their fate?"
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SERMONUM LIBER PRIMUS
'At Novius collega gradu post me sedet uno : Namquest ilie, pater quod erat mens.' • Hoc tibi Paulus Et Messalla videris ? At hie, si plostra ducenta Concurrantque foro tria funera magna, sonabit Cornua quod vincatque tubas : saltern tenet hoc nos.' Nunc ad me redeo libertino patre natum, Quem rodunt omnes libertino patre natum, Nunc, quia sim tibi, Maecenas, convictor, at olim, Quod mihi pareret legio Romana tribuno. Dissimile hoc illist, quia non, ut forsit honorem lure mihi invideat quivis, ita te quoque amicum, Praesertim can turn dignos adsumere, prava Ambitione procul. Felicem dicere non hoc Me possim, casu quod te sortitus amicum. Nulla etenim mihi te f ors obtulit ; optimus olim Vergilius, post hunc Varius dixere quid essem. Vt veni coram, singultim pauca locutus (Infans nam que pudor prohibebat plura profari) Non ego me claro natum patre, non ego circum Me Satureiano vectari rura caballo, Sed, quod eram, narro. Respondes, ut tuus est mos, Pauca : abeo, et revocas nono post mense iubesque Esse in amicorum numero. Magnum hoc ego duco, Quod placui tibi, qui turpi secernis honestum Non patre praeclaro, sed vita et pectore puro. Atqui si vitiis mediocribus ac mea paucis Mendosast natura, alioqui recta, velut si Egregio inspersos reprendas corpore naevos, Si neque avaritiam neque sordes nec mala lustra Obiciet vere quisquam mihi, purus et insons, Vt me coiiaudem, si et vivo cams amicis :
48
[Causa
SATIRES BOOK I
My colleague sits below me one degree ;
For Novius, like my father, was made free
Shall you for this a true Messala seem
And rise a Paulus in your own esteem?
But when two hundred waggons crowd the street,
And three long funerals in procession to meet,
Beyond the fifes and horns his voice he raises,
And sure such strength of lungs a wondrous praise is.
As for myself, a f reed-man's son confest, A freed-man's son, the public scorn and jest, That now with you I joy the social hour, That once a Roman legion own'd my power ; But though they envied my command in war, Justly perhaps, yet sure 'tis different far To gain your friendship, where no servile art, Where only men of merit claim a part.
Nor yet to chance this happiness I owe ; Friendship like yours it had not to bestow. First, my best Virgil, then my Varius told, Among my friends what character I hold: When introduc'd, in few and faltering words (Such as an infant modesty affords) I did not tell you my descent was great, Or that I wander'd round my country-seat On a proud steed in richer pastures bred : But what I really was, I frankly said.
Short was your answer, in your usual strain ; I take my leave, nor wait on you again, Till, nine months past, engag'd and bid to hold A place among your nearer friends enroll'd. An honour this, methinks, of nobler kind, That innocent of heart and pure of mind, Though with no titled birth, T gain'd his love, Whose judgment can discern, whose choice approve. If some few, venial faults deform my soul (Like a fair face when spotted with a mole). If none with avarice justly brand my fame, With sordidness, or deeds too vile to name ; If pure and innocent: if dear (forgive These little praises) to my friends I live,
49
SERMONUM LIBER PRIMUS
Causa fuit pater his, qui macro pauper agello Noluit in Flavi ludum me mittere, magni Quo pueri magnis e centurionibus orti, Laevo suspensi loculos tabulamque lacerto, Ibant octonos referentes idibus aeris, Sed puerumst ausus Romam portare docendum Artes, quas doceat qui vis eques atque senator Semet prognatos. Vestem servosque sequentes, In magno ut populo, siqui vidisset, avita Ex re praeberi sumptus mihi crederet illos. Ipse mihi custos incorruptissimus omnes Circum doc tores aderat. Quid multa? Pudicum, Qui primus virtutis honos, servavit ab omni Non solum facto, verum opprobrio quoque turpi, Nec timuit, sibi ne vitio quis verteret, olim Si praeco parvas aut, ut fuit ipse, coactor Mercedes sequerer ; neque ego essem quest us. At hoc nunc
Laus illi debetur et a me gratia maior.
Nil me paeniteat sanum patris huius, eoque
Non, ut magna dolo factum negat esse suo pars,
Quod non ingenuos habeat clarosque parentes,
Sic me defendam. Longe mea discrepat istis
Et vox et ratio : nam si natura iuberet
A certis annis aevum remeare peractum
Atque alios legere ad fastum, quoscumque parentes
Optaret sibi quisque, meis contentus honestos
Fascibus et sellis nollem mihi sumere, demens
Iudicio volgi, sanus fortasse tuo, quod
Nollem onus baud umquam solitus portare molestum.
Nam mihi continuo maior quaerenda foret res
Atque salutandi plures, ducendus et unus
50
[Et
SATIRES BOOK I
My father was the cause, who, though maintain'd By a lean farm but poorly, yet disdain'd The country schoolmaster, to whose low care The mighty captain sent his high-born heir, With satchel, copy-book, and pelf to pay The wretched teacher on th' appointed day.
To Rome by this bold father was I brought, To learn those arts which well-born youth are taught, So drest and so attended, you would swear I was some senator's expensive heir : Himself my guardian, of unblemisht truth, Among my tutors would attend my youth, And thus preserv'd my chastity of mind (That prime of virtue in its highest kind) Not only pure from guilt, but even the shame Tiiat might with vile suspicion hurt my fame; Nor fear'd to be reproach'd, although my fate Should fix my fortune in some meaner state, From which some trivial perquisites arise, Or make me, like himself, collector of excise,
For this my heart, far from complaining, pays A larger debt of gratitude and praise; Nor, while my senses hold, shall I repent Of such a father, nor with pride resent, As many do, the involuntary disgrace, Not to be born of an illustrious race. But not with theirs my sentiments agree, Or language ; for, if nature should decree, That we from any stated point might live Our former years, and to our choice should give The sires, to whom we wisht to be allied, Let others choose to gratify their pride ; While I, contented with my own, resign The titled honours of an ancient line. This may be madness in the people's eyes, But, in your judgment, not, perhaps, unwise ; That I refuse to bear the pomp of state, Unus'd and much unequal to the weight.
Instant a larger fortune must be made ; To purchase votes my low addresses paid ;
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SERMONUM LIBER PRIMUS
Et comes alter, uti ne solus rusve peregreve
Exirem, plures calones atque caballi
Pascendi, ducenda petorrita. Nunc mihi curto
Ire licet mulo vel si libet usque Tarentum,
Mantica cui lumbos onere ulceret atque eques armos .
Obiciet nemo sordes mihi, quas tibi, Tilli,
Cum Tiburte via praetorem quinque sequuntur
Te pueri, lasanum portantes oenophorumque.
Hoc ego commodius quam tu, praeclare senator,
Milibus atque aliis vivo. Quacumque libidost,
Incedo solus, percontor quanti olus ac far,
Fallacem circum vespertinumque pererro
Saepe forum, adsisto divinis, hide domurn me
Ad porri et ciceris refero laganique catinum :
Cena ministratur pueris tribus, et lapis albus
Pocula cum cyatho duo sustinet, adstat echinus
Vilis, cum patera guttus, Campana supellex.
Deinde eo dormitum, non sollicitus, mihi quod eras
Surgendum sit mane, obeundus Marsya, qui se
Voltum ferre negat Noviorum posse minoris.
Ad quartam iaceo ; post banc vagor aut ego lecto
A ut scripto quod me taciturn iuvet, unguor olivo,
Non quo fraudatis inmundus Natta lucernis.
Ast ubi me fessum sol acrior ire lavatum
Admonuit, fugio campum lusumque trigonem.
Pransus non avide, quantum interpellet inani
Ventre diem durare, domesticus otior. Haec est
52
[Vita
SATIRES BOOK I
Whether a jaunt or journey I propose, With me a crowd of new companions goes, While, anxious to complete a length of train, Domestics, horses, chariots I maintain. But now, as chance or pleasure is my guide, Upon my bob-tail'd mule alone I ride. GalPd is his crupper with my wallet's weight ; His shoulder shows his rider's awkward seat.
Yet no penurious vileness e'er shall stain My name, as when, great Praetor, with your train Of five poor slaves, you carry where you dine Your travelling kitchen, and your flask of wine.
Thus have I greater blessings in my power, Than you, proud senator, and thousands more. Alone I wander, as by fancy led, I cheapen herbs, or ask the price of bread; I listen, while diviners tell their tale, Then homeward hasten to my frugal meal, Herbs, pulse, and pancakes ; each a separate plate ; While three domestics at my supper wait. A bowl on a white marble-table stands, Two goblets, and a ewer to wash my hands ; An hallow'd cup of true Campanian clay, My pure libations to the gods to pay. I then retire to rest, nor anxious fear Before dread Marsyas early to appear, Whose very statue swears it cannot brook The meanness of that slave-born judge's look. I sleep till ten : then take a walk, or choose A book, perhaps, or trifle with the Muse; For cheerful exercise and manly toil Anoint my body with the pliant oil, But not with such as Natta's, when he vamps His filthy limbs, and robs the public lamps.
But when the sun pours down his fiercer fire, And bids me from the toilsome sport retire, I haste to bathe, then decently regale My craving stomach with a frugal meal, Enough to nourish nature for a day, Then trifle my domestic hours away.
63
SERMONUM LIBER PRIMUS
Vita solutorum misera ambitione gravique. His me consolor victurum suavius, ac si Quaestor avus pater atque meus patruusque fuisset
vir.
Proscripti Regis Rupili pus atque venenum Hybrida quo pacto sit Persius ultus, opinor Omnibus et lippis notum et tonsoribus esse, Persius hie permagna negotia dives habebat Clazomenis, etiam lites cum Rege molestas, Durus homo atque odio qui posset vincere Regem, Confidens tumidusque, adeo sermonis amari, Sisennas, Barros ut equis praecurreret albis. Ad Regem redeo. Postquam nihil inter utrumque Convenit (hoc etenim sunt omnes iure molesti, Quo fortes, quibus adversum bellum incidit : inter Hectora Priami Len animosura atque inter Acliillem Ira fuit capitalis, ut ultima divideret mors, Non aliam ob causam, nisi fjuod virtus in utroqua Summa fuit ; duo si discordia vexet inertes Aut si disparibus bellum incidat, ut Diomedi Cum Lycio Glauco, discedat pigrior, ultro Muneribus missis) : Bruto praetore tenente Ditem Asiam, Rupili et Persi par pugnat, uti non Conpositum melius cum Bitho Bacchius. In ius Acres procurrunt, magnum spectaculum uterque. Persius exponit causam ; ridetur ab omni Oonventu ; laudat Brutum laudatque cohortem,
[Solem
SATIRES BOOK I
Such is the life from bad ambition free ; Such comfort has the man low-born like me ; With which I feel myself more truly blest, Than if my sires the quaestor's power possess'd.
VII.
How mongrel Persius, in his wrathful mood, That outlawed wretch, Rupilius King, pursu'd With poisonous filth, and venom all his own, To barbers and to blear-eyed folk is known.
Persius had wealth by foreign traffic gain'd, And a vexatious suit with King maintain'd. Presumptuous, vain, and obstinate the wight, Conquering even King in virulence of spite ; In bitterness of speech outstript the wind, And left the swift-tongued Barrus far behind.
Now to the King returns our wandering tale, When all fair means of reconcilement fail (For men are obstinate when war's proclaim'd, As they with inward courage are inflam'd ; When Hector and Achilles fierce engag'd, Dire was the conflict, and to death they rag'd: And why? because the gallant thirst of fame, The love of glory, was in both extreme. But if a quarrel between cowards rise, Or between chiefs of less heroic size, Glaucus to Diomed is forc'd to yield, The dastard buys his peace, and quits the field).
What time o'er Asia with praBtorial sway Great Brutus rul'd, began this dire affray. Persius and King, intrepid pair, engage (More equal champions never mounted stage), And now they rush impetuous into court, Fine was the sight, and delicate the sport. Persius begins ; loud bursts of laughter rise ; He praises Brutus, Brutus, to the skies, 55
SERMONUM LIBER PRIMUS
Solem Asiae Brutum appellat stellasque salubres Appellat comites excepto Rege ; Oanem ilium, Invisum agricolis sidus, venisse. Ruebat Flumen ut hibernum, fertur quo rara securis. Turn Praenestinus salso rnultoque fluenti Expressa arbusto regerit convitia, durus Venderaiator et invictus, cui saepe viator Cessisset magna conpellans voce cuculum. At Graecus, postquamst Italo perfusus aceto, Persius exclamat : 4 per magnos, Brute, deos te Oro, qui reges consueris tollere, cur non Hunc Regem iugulas ? Operum boc, mihi crede, tuoruinsi .'
VIII.
Olim truncus eram ficulnus, inutile lignum, Cum faber, incertua soammim faceretne Priapum, Maluit esse deum. Deus inde ego, furuni aviumque Maxima formido; nam fures dextra cobercet Obscaenoque ruber porrectus ab inguine palus, Ast inportunas volucres in vertice arundo Terret fixa vetatque novis considere in hortis. Hue prius angustis eiecta cadavera cellis Conservus vili portanda locabat in area ; Hoc miserae plebi stabat commune sepulcrum,
[Pantolabo
56
SATIRES BOOK I
•'Brutus, like Sol, o'er Asia pours the day; His friends are stars, and healthful is their ray, Except the King ; he like the dog-star reigns, That dog of heaven, detested by the swains." Thus rusht he onward like a winter-flood, That tears its banks, and sweeps away the wood.
To this impetuous bitterness of tide The King with equal virulence replied. A vine-dresser he was, of rustic tone, Whom oft the traveller was forc'd to own Invincible : with clamorous voice opprest, When Cuckow, cuckow, was the standing jest.
But, with Italian vinegar imbued, The sour-tongued mongrel the dispute renew'd : "Let me conjure thee, by the powers divine, Since 'tis the glory, Brutus, of thy line To slaughter Kings, be this thy glorious deed, That this same King beneath thy vengeance bleed."
VIII.
In days of yore our godship stood
A very worthless log of wood.
The joiner doubting, or to shape us
Into a stool, or a Priapus,
At length resolv'd, for reasons wise,
Into a god to bid me rise;
And now to birds and thieves I stand
A terror great. With ponderous hand,
And something else as red as scarlet,
I fright away each filching varlet.
The birds, that view with awful dread
The reeds, fast stuck into my head,
Far from the garden take their flight,
Nor on the trees presume to light.
In coffins vile the herd of slaves Were hither brought to crowd their graves ; And once in this detested ground A common tomb the vulgar found ;
57
SERMONUM LIBER PRIMUS
Pantolabo scurrae Nomentanoque nepoti. Mille pedes in fronte, trecentos cippus in agruin Hie dabat, heredes monumentum ne sequeretur. Nunc licet Esquiliis habitare salubrious atque Aggere in aprico spatiari, qua modo tristes Albis informem spectabant ossibus agrum ; Cum mihi non tan turn furesque feraeque suetae Uunc vexare locum curae sunt atque labori, Quantum earminibus quae versant atque venenis Humanos animos. Has nuilo perdere possum Nec prohibere modo, simul ac vaga lima decorum Protulit os, quin ossa legant herbasque nocentes. Vidi egomet nigra succinctam vadere pal la Oanidiam pedibus nudis passoque capillo, Cum Sagana maiore ululantem : pallor ulrasque Fecerat horrendas adspectu. Scalpere terram Vnguibus et pullam divellere mordicus agnam Coeperunt ; cruor in fossam confusus, ut inde Manibus elicerent animas responsa daturas. Lanea et effigies erat altera cerea : maior Lanea, quae poenis conpesceret inferiorem ; Cerea suppliciter stabat, servilibus ut quae lam peritura modis. Hecaten vocat altera, saevam Altera Tisiphonen : serpentes atque videres
[Infernas
58
SATIRES BOOK I
Buffoons and spendthrifts, vile and base Together rotted here in peace.
A thousand feet the front extends, Three hundred deep in rear it bends, And yonder column plainly shows No more unto its heirs it goes. But now we breathe a purer air, And walk the sunny terrace fair, Where once the ground with bones was white, With human bones a ghastly sight !
But, oh! nor thief, nor savage beast, That us'd these gardens to infest, E'er gave me half such care and pains As they, who turn poor people's brains With venom'd drugs and magic lay — These I can never fright away ; For when the beauteous queen of night Up-lifts her head adorn'd with light, Hither they come, pernicious crones! To gather poisonous herbs and bones.
Canidia with dishevel'd hair (Black was her robe, her feet were bare) With Sagana, infernal dame ! Her elder sister, hither came. With yellings dire they fUl'd the place, And hideous pale was either's face. Soon with their nails they scrap'd the ground, And fill'd a magic trench profund With a black lamb's thick-streaming gore, Whose members with their teeth they tore, That they might charm the sprites to tell Some curious anecdotes from hell.
The beldams then two figures brought; Of wool and wax the forms were wrought ; The woollen was erect and tall, And scourg'd the waxen image small, Which in a suppliant, servile mood With dying air just gasping stood.
On Hecate one beldam calls ; The other to the Furies bawls 59
SERMONUM LIBER PRIMUS
Infernas errare canes lunamque rubentem, Ne foret his testis, post magna latere sepulcra. Men t lor at siquid, merdis caput inquiner albis Corvorum atque in me veniat mictum atque cacatum Iulius et fragilis Pediatia furque Voranus. Singula quid memorem, quo pacto alterna loquentes Vmbrae cum Sagana resonarint triste et acutum, Vtque lupi barbam variae cum dente colubrae Abdideriut furtim terris, et imagine cerea Largior arserit ignis, et ut non testis inultus Horruerim voces Puriarum et facta duaruni. Nam displosa sonat quantum vesica, pepedi Diffissa nate ficus ; at illae currere in urbem. Oanidiae dentes, altum Saganae caliendrum Excidere atque herbas atque incantata lacertis Vincula cum magno risuque iocoque videres.
Villi.
ISAM forte via Sacra, sicut meus est mos, Nescio quid meditans nugarum, totus in illis : Accurrit quidam, notus mihi nomine tantum, Arreptaque manu 1 quid agis, dulcissime rerum ? ' 'Suaviter, ut nunc est/ inquam, 4 et cupio omnia quae vis.'
60
SATIRES BOOK I
While serpents crawl along the ground, And hell-born bitches howl around. The blushing Moon, to shun the sight, Behind a tomb withdrew her light.
Oh ! if I lie, may ravens shed Their ordure on my sacred head ! May thieves and prostitutes and rakes Beneath my nose erect a jakes !
Not to be tedious, or repeat How flats and sharps in concert meet, With which the ghosts and hags maintain A dialogue of passing strain ; Or how, to hide the tooth of snake And beard of wolf, the ground they break ; Or how the fire of magic seiz'd The waxen form, and how it blaz'd ; Mark ! how my vengeance I pursu'd For all I heard, for all I view'd.
Loud as a bladder bursts its wind Dreadful I thunder'd from behind. To town they scamper'd struck with fear, This lost her teeth, and that her hair. They dropp'd the bracelets from their arms, Their incantations, herbs and charms ; Whoe'er had seen them in their flight Had burst with laughing at the sight.
IX.
Musing, as wont, on this and that, Such trifles, as I know not what, When late the street I saunter'd through, A wight, whose name I hardly knew, Approaching pertly makes me stand, And thus accosts me, hand in hand : "How do you do, my sweetest man?" Quoth I, As well as mortal can, And my best wishes yours— when he Would follow— What's your will with me? 61
SERMONUM LIBER PRIMUS
Cum adsectaretur, 1 numquid vis ? ' occupo. At ille 'Noris nos' inquit; * docti suruus.' Hie ego 'pluris Hoc1 inquam ' mihi eris.' Misere discedere quaerens Ire modo ocius, interduin consistere, in aurem Dicere neseio quid puero, cum sudor ad inios Manaret talos. ' O to, Bolane, cerebri Felicera ' aiebam tacitus, cum quidlibet ille Garriret, vicos, urbem laudaret. Vt illi Nil respondebam, 4 misere cupis ' inquit ' abire, landudum video; sed nil agis: usque tenebo; Prosequar hinc quo nunc iter est tibi.' 'Nil opus est te Oircuagi: quendam volo visere non tibi notum; Trans Tiberim longe cubat is prope Caesaris hortos.1 4 Nil habeo quod agam et non sum piger: usque Be- quar te.'
Demitto auriculas, ut iniquae mentis asellus, Cum gravius dorso subiit onus. Incipit ille: 'Si bene me novi, non Viscum pluris amicum, Non Varium facies: nam quis me scribere plures
[Aut
SATIRES BOOK I
" That one of your profound discerning Should know me : I'm a man of learning." — Why, then, be sure upon that score You merit my regard the more. Impatient to discard the fop, One while I run, another stop, And whisper, as he presses near, Some nothing in my servant's ear.
But while at every pore I sweated, And thus in muttering silence fretted — " Bolanus, happy in a skull Of proof, impenetrably dull,
0 for a portion of thy brains" —
He on the town and streets and lanes His prating, praising talent tried, And, when I answer'd not, he cried. "Ay, 'tis too plain; you can't deceive me, You miserably wish to leave me, But I shall never quit you so : Command me — whither would you go ? " — You do rne honour — but, in short, There's not the least occasion for't.
1 visit one— to cut the strife, You never saw him in your life ; Nor would I lead you such a round — He lives above a mile of ground Beyond the Tiber — "Never talk
Of distance, for I love a walk. I never have the least enjoyment In idleness : I want employment. Come on ; I must and will attend Your person to your journey's end."
Like vicious ass, that fretting bears A wicked load, I hang my ears ; While he, renewing his civilities, "If well I know my own abilities, Not Viscus, though your friend of yore, Not Yarius could engage you more ; For who can write melodious lays With greater elegance or ease?
63
SERMONUM LIBER PRIMUS
Aut citius possit versus? quis membra movere Mollius? invideat quod et Hermogenes, ego canto.' Interpeilandi locus hie erat: 'est tibi mater, Cognatl, quis te salvost opus?' 'Haud mihi quisquam : Omnes conposui.' 'Felices! Nunc ego resto. Confice: nam que instat fatum mihi triste, Sabella Quod puero cecinit divina mota anus lima: Hunc neque dira venena nec hosticus auferefc ensis Nec laterum dolor aut tussis nec tarda podagra; Garrulus hunc quando consumet cumque: loquaces, Si sapiat, vitet, simul atque adolevent aetas.' Ventum erat ad Vestae quarta iam parte diei Praeterita, et casu tunc respondere vadato Debebat; quod ni fecisset, perdere litem. 'Si me amas,' Lnquit 'paulum hie ades.1 'Inteream, si Aut valeo stare aut novi civilia iura ; Et propero quo scis.' 'Dubius sum, quid faciam,' inquit, ' Tene relinquam an rem.' ' Ivle, sodes.' ' Non faciam ' ilie, Et praecedere coepit; ego, ut contendere durumst
[Cum
SATIRES BOOK I
Who moves with smoother grace his limhs While through the mazy dance he swims? Besides, I sing to that degree, Hermogenes might envy me."
Have you no mother, sister, friends, Whose welfare on your health depends?— "Not one; I saw them all by turns Securely settled in their urns." Thrice happy they, secure from pain ! And I thy victim now remain : Dispatch me ; for my goody-nurse Early presag'd this heavy curse : She conn'd it by the sieve and shears, And now it falls upon my ears— Nor poison fell, with ruin stor'd, Nor horrid point of hostile sword, Nor pluerisy, nor asthma-cough, Nor cripple-gout, shall cut him off : A noisy tongue, and babbling breath, Shall tease and talk my child to death. But if he would advert his fate, When he arrives at man's estate, Let him avoid, as he would hanging, Your folks long-winded in haranguing.
We came to Vesta's about ten, And he was bound in person then To stand a suit, or by the laws He must have forfeited his cause. 44 Sir, if you love me, step aside A little into court," he cried. If I can stand it out, quoth I, Or know the practice, let me die : Besides, I am oblig'd to go Precisely to the place you know.— 44 1 am divided what to do, Whether to leave my cause, or you." — Sir, I beseech you spare your pains.
Your humble servant 4 4 By no means."
I follow, for he leads the way ; 'Tis death ; but captives must obey^ 05
SERMONUM LIBER PRIMUS
Cum victore, sequor. * Maecenas quomodo tecum?' Hinc repetit; 'paucorum hominum et mentis bene sanae; Nemo dexterius fortunast usus. Haberes Magnum adiutorem, posset qui ferre secundas, Hunc hominem velles si tradere ; dispeream, ni Summosses oinnes.' 'Non isto vivimus illic, Quo tu rere, modo; domus hac nec purior ullast Nec magis his aliena malis; nil mi officit,' inquam, 'Ditior hie aut est quia doctior; est locus uni Cuique suus.' 'Magnum narras ; vix credibile.' 'Atqui Sic habet.' 'Accendis, quare cupiam magis illi Proximus esse.' 'Velis tantummodo: quae tua virtus, Expugnabis; et est qui vinci possit, eoque Difficiles aditus primos habet.' 'Haud mihi deero: Muneribus servos corrumpam; non, hodie si Exclusus fuero, desistam; tempora quaeram, Occurram in triviis, deducam. Nil sine inagno Vita labore dedit mortalibus.' Haec dum agit, ecce
Co
fFuscus
SATIRES BOOK I
Then he renews his plaguy strain, as, "How stands your friendship with Maecenas?'* For friendships, he contracts but few, And shows in that his judgment true.— • ' Commend me to your brother-bard, No man has play'd a surer card. But you should have a man of art ; One who might act an under-part. If you were pleas'd to recommend The man I mention, to your friend, Sir, may I never see the light But you shall rout your rivals quite ! " —
We live not there, as you suppose, On such precarious terms as those : No family was ever purer ; From such infections none securer. It never hurts me in the least, That one excels in wealth, or taste ; Each person there of course inherits A place proportion'd to his merits — ** 'Tis wonderful, and, to be brief, A thing almost beyond belief." — But, whether you believe, or no, The matter is exactly so. "This adds but fuel to the fire, The more you kindle my desire To kiss his hand, and pay my court." — Assail, and you shall take the fort. Such is the vigour of your wit, And he is one that can submit ; The first attack is therefore nice, The matter is to break the ice. "I sha'n't be wanting there," he cried, " I'll bribe his servants to my side ; To-day shut out, still onward press, And watch the seasons of access ; In private haunt, in public meet, Salute, escort him through the street. There's nothing gotten in this life, Without a world of toil and strife!"
67
SERMONUM LIRER PRIMUS
Fascus Aristius occurrit, mihi car us, et ilium Qui puichre nosset. Oonsistimus. 'Vnde venis et Quo tenuis?' rogat et respondet. Vellere coepi Et pressare manu lentissirna bracchia, nutans, Distorquens oculos, ut me eriperet. Male salsus Ridens dissimulare; meum iecur urere bilis. 'Certe nescio quid secreto velle loqui te Aiebas mecum.' 'Memini bene, sed meliore Tempore dicam; hodie tricesima sabbata: vin tu Curtis Iudaeis oppedere?' 'Nulla mihi* inquam 4 Relligiost.' 'At mi: sum paulo infirmior, unus Multorum. Ignosces; alias loquar.' Huncine solem Tarn nigrum surrexe mihi! Fugit inprobus ac me Sub cultro linquit. Casu venit obvius illi Auversarius et 'quo tu, turpissime?' magna Inclamat voce, et 'licet antes tari ?' Ego vero Onpono auriculam. Rapit in ius; clamor utrimque, Vndique concursus. Sic me servavit Apollo.
63
SATIRES BOOK I
While thus he racks my tortur'd ears, A much-lov'd friend of mine appears, Aristius Fuscus, one who knew My sweet companion through and through. We stop, exchanging " so and so : " "Whence come, and whither do you go?"
I then began in woful wise To nod my head, distort my eyes, And pull his renegado sleeve, That he would grant me a reprieve ; But he was absent all the while, Malicious with a leering smile.
Provok'd at his dissimulation, I burst with spleen and indignation. " I know not what you had to tell In private." — "I remember well: But shall a day of business choose, This is the Sabbath of the Jews ; You would not thus offend the leathern- curtaii'd assemblies of the brethren"— ' I have no scruples, by your leave, On that account.' — "But, sir, I have: I am a little superstitious, Like many of the crowd capricious : Forgive me, if it be a crime, And I shall talk another time." —
Oh ! that so black a sun should rise ! Away the cruel creature flies, And leaves me panting for my life Aghast beneath the butcher's knife.
At last, by special act of grace, The plaintiff meets him face to face, And bawls as loud as he could bellow; "Ha! whither now, thou vilest fellow? Sir, will you witness to my capture?" I signified, I would with rapture ; And then, to magnify the sport, He drags my prattler into court; And thus, amidst the noise and rabble. Apollo sav'd me from the squabble.
SJ0RMONUM LIBER PRIMUS
X.
[Lucili, quam sis mendosus, teste Catone
Defensore tuo pervincam, qui male factos
Emendare parat versus, hoc lenius ille,
Quo melior vir et est longe subtilior illo,
Qui multuni puerumst loris et funibus udis
Exhortatus, ut esset opem qui ferre poetis
Antiquis posset contra fastidia nostra,
Gramrnaticorum equitum doctissimus. Vt redeani illuc:]
Nempe inconposito dixi pede currere versus
Lucili. Quis tarn Lucili fautor ineptest,
Vt non hoc fateatur? At idem, quod sale multo
Vrbem defricuit, charta laudatur eadem.
Nec tamen, hoc tribuens, dederim quoque cetera : nam sic
Et Laberi mimos, ut pulchra poemata, mirer.
Ergo non satis est risu diducere rictum
Auditoris; et est quaedam tamen hie quoque virtus ;
Est brevitate opus, ut currat sententia neu so
Inpediat verbis lassas onerantibus aures,
Et sermone opus est modo tristi. saepe iocoso,
Defendente vicem modo rhetoris atque poetae,
Interdum urbane parcentis viribus atque
Extenuantis eas consulto, Ridiculum acri
Fortius et melius magnas plerumque secat res.
Illi, scripta quibus comoedia prisca viris est,
Hoc stabant, hoc sunt imitandi ; quos neque pulcher
Hermogenes umquam legit neque simius iste
Nil praeter Calvum et doctus cantare Catullura.
'At magnum fecit, quod verbis Graeca Latinis
Miscuit.' O seri studiorum, quine putetis
Difficile et mirum, Rhodio quod Pitholeonti
Contigit? 'At sermo lingua concinnus utraqua
Suavior, ut Ohio nota si conmixta Falernist.'
Cum versus facias, te ipsum percontor, an et cum
Dura tibi peragenda rei sit causa Petilli ?
Scilicet oblitos patriaeque patrisque Latini,
Cum Pedius causas exsudet Poplicola atque
Corvinus, patriis intermiscere petita
Verba foris malis, Canusini more bilinguis ?
70
SATIRES BOOK 1
X.
Yes, I did say, Lucilius' verses roll'd In ruder style precipitately bold ; Who reads Lucilius with so fond an eye, Partially fond, who can this charge deny? But, that with wit he lasht a vicious age, He's frankly prais'd in the same equal page, Should I grant more, I may as well admit Laberius' farces elegantly writ.
'Tis not enough a bursting laugh to raise, Yet even this talent may deserve its praise : Concise your diction ; let your sense be clear, Nor with a weight of words fatigue the ear. Now change from grave to gay with ready art, Now play the orator's or poet's part ; In raillery assume a gayer air, Discreetly hide your strength, your vigour spare, For ridicule shall frequently prevail, And cut the knob, when graver reasons fail.
The ancient writers of the comic stage Our imitations here may well engage, Though read not by Tigellius, smooth of face, Or yonder ape, of horrible grimace. Oalvus, Catullus better suit their vein, Whose wanton songs they chant in tuneful strain.
But yet a mighty feat it must be thought— "His motley page with Greek and Latin's wrought!" Blockheads ! who think it wonderful or hard, So oft perform'd by yonder Rhodian bard.
"But languages each other may refine (As Chian softens the Falernian wine) At least in verse." But say, my riming friend, Were you that thief Petillius to defend, While other lawyers sweated in the cause, And urg'd in pure Latinity the laws : While wondering crowds upon their language hung, Would you, forgetful of your native tongue, In foreign words and broken phrases speak, The half-form'd jargon of a mongrel Greek?
71
SERMONUM LIBER PRIMUS
Atque ego cum Graecos facerem, natus mare citra,
V ersicuios, vetuit me tali voce Quirinus,
Post mediam noctem visus, cum somnia vera:
'In silvam non ligna feras insanius, ac si
Magnas Graecorum malis in pier e cat er vas.'
Turgidus Alpinus iugulat dum Memnona dumque
Difnndit Rheni luteum caput, haec ego ludo,
Quae neque in aede sonent certantia iudice Tarpa
Nec redeant iterum atque iterum spectanda theatris.
Arguta meretrice potes Davoque Cbremeta
Eludente senem comes garrire libellos
Vnus vivorum, Fundani ; Pollio regum
Facta canit pede ter percusso; forte epos acer,
Vt nemo, Varius ducit; molle atque facetum
Vergilio adnuerunt gaudentes rure Camenae.
Hoc erat, experto frustra Varrone Atacino
Atque quibusdam alii.s, melius quod scribere possem,
Inventore minor; neque e^o illi detrabere ausim
Haerentem capiti cum multa laude coronam.
At dixi fluere hunc lutulentum, saepe ferentem
Plura quidem tollenda relinquendis. Age, quaeso,
Tu nibil in magno doctus reprebendis Homero?
Nil comis tragici mutat Lucilius Acci,
Non ridet versus Enni gravitate minores,
Cum de se loquitur non ut raaiore reprensis ?
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[Quid
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In Latium born, I once propos'd to write Some Grecian versicles : in deep of night (When dreams, they say, are true) Rome's founder rose, And awful spake, "You may as well propose To carry timber to a wood, as throng The crowded writers of the Grecian song."
Let swelling Furius on the affrighted stage Murder poor Memnon, or in muddy rage Describe the head of Rhine : in idle vein I write, what never shall presume to gain The prize, where Metius high in judgment sits To hear the labours of contending wits; Or where the people with applauding hands The well-wrought scene repeatedly demands.
Of all mankind, in light and easy vein Fundanius best can paint the comic scene, The wily harlot, and the slave, who join To wipe the miser of his darling coin. Pollio in pure Iambic numbers sings The tragic deeds of heroes and of kings ; While Varius in sublime and ardent vein Supports the grandeur of the Epic strain. On Virgil all the rural Muses smile, Smooth flow his lines, and elegant his style. Satire alone remain'd, no easy strain, Which Varro, and some others, tried in vain, While I, perhaps, some slight success may claim, Though far inferior to the inventor's fame : Nor from his head shall I presume to tear That sacred wreath, he well deserves to wear.
I said, his verse in muddy rapture flows, And more his errors than his beauties shows ; But, prithee, you, that boast a critic's name, Don't you sometimes the mighty Homer blame ? Does not Lucilius, though of gentle strain, Correct even Accius, and reform his scene? And in his pleasantry old Ennius rate, When his dull lines want dignity and weight? Yet, when he speaks of his own right to fame, Confesses frankly their superior claim.
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SERMONUM LIBER PRIMUS
Quid vetat et nosrnet Lucili scripta legentes Quaerere, nuin illius, num rerum dura negarit Versiculos natura magis factos et euntes Mollius, ac si quis pedibus quid claudere senis, Hoc tantum contentus, arnet scripsisse ducentos Ante cibum versus, totidem cenatus: Elrusci Quale fuit Cassi rapido f erven this amni Ingenium, capsis quern famast esse librisque Ambustum propriis. Fuerit Lucilius, inquam, (Jomis et urbarms, fuerit limatior idem Quam rudis et Graecis intact i carminis auctor Quamque poetaruin seniorum turba ; sed ille, Si foret hoc nostrum fato delatus in aevum, Detereret sibi multa, recideret omne, quod ultra Perfectum traheretur, et in versu faciendo Saepe caput scaberet, vivos et roderet ungues. Saepe stilum vertas, iterum quae digna legi sint Scripturus, neque te ut miretur turba labores, Contentus paucis lectoribus. An tua demens Vilibns in ludis dictari carmina inalis? Non ego : nam satis est equitem mibi plaudere, ut audax,
Contemptis aliis, explosa Arbuscula dixit. Men moveat cimex Pantilius, aut cruciet quod Vellicet absentem Demetrius aut quod ineptus Fannius Hermogenis laedat conviva Tigelli ? Plotius et Varius, Maecenas Vergiliusque, Valgius et probet haec Octavius optimus atque Fuscus et haec utinam Viscorum laudet uterque I Ambitione relegata te dicere possum, Pollio, te Messalla, tuo cum fratre, simulque
74
[Vos,
SATIRES BOOK I
What then forbids our equal right to know Why his own verses inharmonious flow ? Or whether in his subject lies the fault, Or in himself, that they're not higher wrought, Than if the art of verse were to confine In ten low feet a cold, dull length of line, Content his riming talents to display In twice an hundred verses twice a day. Such, Cassius, thy rapidity of song, Which like a foaming river pour'd along, Whose volum'd works (if Fame be not a liar) Kindled around thy corpse the funeral fire.
Lucilius rallies with politer ease Than all the riming tribe of ancient days, Nay more correct than him (I frankly own) Who form'd this kind of verse, to Greece unknown: Yet, were he fated to the present age, He sure had blotted the redundant page ; Prun'd ail luxuriant excellence away, And, while he labour'd o'er the instructive lay, Would often scratch his head in dull despair, And to the quick his nails bemusing tear.
Would you a reader's just esteem engage? Correct with frequent care the blotted page ; Nor strive the wonder of the crowd to raise, But the few better judges learn to please. Be thine, fond madman, some vile school to choose, Where to repeat the labours of your Muse, While I, like hiss'd Arbuscula unaw'd, Despise the vulgar, sinoe the knights applaud.
Say, shall that bug Pantilius move the spleen ? Shall I be tortur'd, when a wretch obscene, Or foolish Fannius, for a sordid treat With sweet Tigeliius, shall my verses rate? Let Plotius, Varius, and Maecenas deign With Virgil, Valgius, to approve my strain ; Let good Octavius even endure my lays; Let Fuscus read, and either Viscus praise; Let me, with no mean arts to purchase fame, Pollio, Messala, and his brother name ;
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SBRMONUM LIBER PRIMUS
Vos, Bihule et Servi, simul his te, candide Furni, Conplures alios, doctos ego quos et amicos Prudens praetereo, quibus baec, sint qualiacumque, Adridere velim, doliturus, si plaeeant spe Deterius nostra. Demetri, teque, Tigelli, Discipularum inter iubeo plorare cathedras. I, puer, atque meo citus haec subscribe libello.
7(!
SATIRES BOOK I
Let Bibulus and Servius be my own, And Furnius for a critic's candour known ; Among my learned friends are many more, Whose names I pass in modest silence o'er: These I can wish to smile enjoy their praise ; Hope to delight, find grieve if I displease. Begone, Demetrius, to thy lovesome train Of minstrel scholars, and in sighing strain, With soft Hermogenes these rimes deplore — Haste, boy, transcribe me this one satire more.
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SERMON UM LIBER ALTEB
LIBER ALTER. I.
' Sunt quibus in satura videor nimis acer et ultra Legem tetidere opus ; sine nervis altera quid quid Conposui pars esse putat similesque meorum Mille die versus deduci posse. Trebati, Quid faciam, praescribe.' 'Quiescas.' 'Ne faciam, inquis, Omnino versus ?' * Aio.' 'Peream male, si non Optimum erat; verum nequeo dormire.' 'Ter uncti Transnanto Tiberim, somno quibus est opus alto, Inriguumque mero sub noctem corpus habento. Aut si tantus amor scribendi te rapit, aude Caesaris invicti res dicere, multa laborum Praemia laturus.' 'Cupidum, pater optime, vires Deficiunt: neque enim quivis horrentia pilis Agmina nec fracta pereuntes cuspide Gallos Aut labentis equo describit vulnera Parthi.' 'Attamen et iustum poteras et scribere fortem, Scipiadam ut sapiens Lucilius.' 'Haud mihi deero, Cum res ipsa feret : nisi dextro tempore Flacci Verba per attentam non ibunt Caesaris aurem, Cui male si palpere, recalcitrat undique tutus.' 'Quanto rectius hoc quam tristi laedere versu Pantolabum scurram Nomentanumque nepotem, Cum sibi quisque timet, quamquamst intactus, et odit. *Quid faciam? Saltat Milonius, ut semel icto Accessit fervor capiti numerusque lucernis ;
[Castor
78
SATIRES BOOK II
BOOK II.
I.
There are, to whom too poignant I appear ; Beyond the laws of satire too severe. My lines are weak, unsinew'd, others say — "A man might spin a thousand such a day." What shall I do, Trebatius?
Write no more. What! give the dear delight of scribbling o'er? Yes.
Let me die but your advice were best. But, sir, I cannot sleep ; I cannot rest. Swim o'er the Tiber, if you want to sleep, Or the dull sense in t'other bottle steep ; If you must write, to Csssar tune your lays, Indulge your genius, and your fortune raise. Oh ! were I equal to the glorious theme, Bristled with spears his iron war should gleam : A thousand darts should pierce the hardy Gaul, And from his horse the wounded Parthian fall. Then give his peaceful virtues forth to Fame; His fortitude and justice be your theme. Yes. I will hold the darting theme in view, Perhaps hereafter your advice pursue. But Caesar never will your Flaccus hear ; A languid panegyric hurts his ear : Too strongly guarded from the poet's lays, He spurns the flatterer, and his saucy praise. Better even this, than cruelly defame, And point buffoons and villains out by name, Sure to be hated even by those you spare, Who hate in just proportion as they fear. Tell me, Trebatius, are not all mankind To different pleasures, different whims inclin'd? Milonius dances when his head grows light, And the dim lamp shines double to his sight, 79
SERMONUM LIBER ALTER
Castor gaudet equis, ovo prognatus eodem Pugnis ; quot capitum vivunt, totidem studioruni Milia : rne pedibus delectat claudere verba Lucili ritu, nostrum melioris utroque. Ille velut fidis arcana sodalibus oiim Credebat libris, neque si male cesserat usquam Deeurrens alio neque si bene : quo fit, ut omnis Votiva pateat veluti descripta tabella Vita senis. Sequor hune, Lucanus an Apulus, anceps : Nam Venusinus arat fmem sub utruinque colonus, Missus ad hoc pulsis, vetus est ut fama, Sabellis, Quo ne per vacuum Romano incurreret hostis, Sive quod Apula gens seu quod Lucania bellurn Incuteret violenta. Sed hie stilus hau petet ultro Quemquam anirnantem, et me veluti custodiet ensis Vagina tectus : quern cur destringere coner Tutus ab infestis latronibus ? O pater et rex Iuppiter, ut pereat positum robigine telum, Nec quisquam noceat cupido mihi pacis ! At ille, Qui me conmorit (melius non tangere, clamo), Fiebit et insignis tota cantabitur urbe. Cervius iratus leges minitatur et urnam, Canidia Alhuci, quibus est inimica, venenum Grande malum Turius, siquid se iudice certes, Vt quo quisque valet suspectos terreat, utque Imperet hoc natura potens, sic collige mecum, Dente lupus, cornu taurus petit : unde nisi intus Monstratum? Scaevae vivacem crede nepoti Matrem : nil faciet sceleris pia dextera (mirum, Vt neque calce lupus quemquam neque dente petit bos) ;
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SATIRES BOOK II
The twin-born brothers in their sports divide; Pollux loves boxing ; Castor joys to ride. Indulge me then in this my sole delight, Like great and good Lucilius let me write.
Behold him frankly to his book impart, As to a friend, the secrets of his heart : To write was all his aim, too heedless bard I And well or ill, unworthy his regard. Hence the old man stands open to your view, Though with a careless hand the piece he drew.
His steps I follow in pursuit of Fame, Whether Lucania or Apulia claim The honour of my birth ; for on the lands, By Samnites once possest, Venusium stands, A forward barrier, as old tales relate, To stop the course of war, and guard the state.
Let this digression, as it may, succeed — No honest man shall by my satire bleed ; It guards me like a sword, and safe it lies Within the sheath, till villains round me rise.
Dread King and Father of the mortal race, Behold me, harmless bard, how fond of peace! And may all kinds of mischief-making steel In rust, eternal rust, thy vengeance feel I But who provokes me, or attacks my fame, "Better not touch me, friend," I loud exclaim, His eyes shall weep the folly of his tongue. By laughing crowds in rueful ballad sung
The informer Oervius threatens with the laws; Turius your judge, you surely lose your cause : Are you the object of Oanidia's hate ? Drugs, poisons, incantations, are your fate : For powerful Nature to her creatures shows With various arms to terrify their foes. The wolf with teeth, the ball with horns can fight ; Whence, but from instinct, and an inward light ? His long-liv'd mother trusts to Scaeva's care — No deed of blood his pious hand could dare.
Wondrous indeed ! that bulls ne'er strive to bite. Nor wolves with desperate horns engage in fight. 81
SERMONUM LIBER ALTER
Sed mala toilet anum vitiato melle cicuta. Ne longum faciani : seu me tranquilla senectus Exspectat seu mors atris circumvolat alis, Dives, in ops, Romae, seu fors ita iusserit exsul, Quisquis erit vitae scribam color.' ' O puer, ut sis Vitalis metuo et maiorum ne quis amicus Frigore te feriat.' • Quid, cumst Lucilius ausus Primus in hunc operis conponere carmina morem, Detrahere et pellem, nitidus qua quisque per ora Cederet, introrsurn turpis : num Laelius et qui Duxit ab oppressa meritum Carthagine nomen Ingenio offensi aut laeso doluere Metello Famosisque Lupo cooperto versibus ? Atqui Primores populi arripuit populumque tributim, Scilicet uni aequus virtuti atque eius amicis. Quin ubi se a vulgo et scaena in secreta remorant Virtus Scipiadae et mitis sapientia Laeli, Nugari cum illo et discincti ludere, donee Decoqueretur olus, soliti. Quidquid sum ego, quamvis Infra Lucili censum ingeniumque ; tamen me Cum magnis vixisse invita fatebitur usque Invidia et fragili quaerens illidere dentem Offendet solido, nisi quid tu, docte Trebati, Dissentis,' 4 Equidem nihil hinc diffiugere possum. Sed tamen ut monitus caveas, ne forte negoti Incutiat tibi quid sanctarum inscitia legum : Si mala condiderit in quern quis carmina, ius est
82
[ludiciumque.'
SATIRES BOOK II
No mother's blood the gentle Scseva spills, But with a draught of honey'd poison kills.
Then, whether age my peaceful hours attend, Or Death his sable pinions round me bend : Or rich, or poor : at Rome ; to exile driven : Whatever lot by powerful Fate is given : Yet write I will.
O boy, thy fate is sped, And short thy days. Some lord shall strike thee dead With freezing look —
What ! in his honest page When good Lucilius lasht a vicious age, From conscious villains tore the mask away, And stript them naked to the glare of day, Were Lselius or his friend (whose glorious name From conquer' d Carthage deathless rose to fame) Were they displeas'd when villains and their crimes Were cover'd o'er with infamy and rimes ? The factious demagogue he made his prize, And durst the people tribe by tribe chastise; Yet true to virtue, and to virtue's friends, To them alone with reverence he bends. 4 When Scipio's virtue, and, of milder vein, When Laelius' wisdom, from the busy scene, And crowd of life, the vulgar and the great, Could with their favourite satirist retreat, Lightly they laugh'd at many an idle jest, Until their frugal feast of herbs was drest.
What though with great Lucilius I disclaim All saucy rivalship of birth or fame, Spite of herself even Envy must confess, That I the friendship of the great possess. And, if she dare attempt my honest fame, Shall break her teeth against my solid name. This is my plea ; on this I rest my cause — What says my counsel, learned in the laws?
Your case is clearer ; yet let me advise ; For sad mishaps from ignorance arise. Behold the pains and penalties decreed To libellers—
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SERMONUM LIBER ALTER
Iudiciumque.' 1 Esto, si quis mala ; sed bona si quis ludice condiderit laudatus Oaesare? si quis Opprobriis dignum latraverit, integer ipse?' ' Solventur risu tabulae, tu missus abibis.'
II.
Quae virtus et quanta, boni, sit vivere parvo (Nec meus hie sermost, sed quae praecepit Ofellus Rusticus, abnormis sapiens crassaque Minerva). Discite non inter lances mensasque nitentes, Gum stupet insanis acies fulgoribus et cum Acclinis falsis animus meliora recusat, Verum hie inpransi mecum disquirite. Our hoc ? Dicam, si potero. Male verum examinat omnis Corruptus iudex. Leporem sectatus equove Lassus ab indomito vel, si Romana fatigat Militia adsueturn graecari, seu pila velox Molliter austerum studio fallente laborem Seu te discus agit, pete cedentem aera disco : Cum labor extuderit fastidia, siccus, inanis Sperne cibum vilem ; nisi Hymettia mella Falerno Ne biberis diluta. Foris est promus, et atrum Defendens pisces hiemat mare : cum sale panis Latrantem stomachum bene leniet. Vnde putas aut Qui partum? Non in caro nidore voluptas Summa, sed in te ipsost. Tu pulmentaria quaere Sudaudo : pinguem vitiis albumque nec ostrea Nec scarus aut poterit peregrina iuvare lagois.
[Vix
SATIRES BOOK II
To libellers indeed. But if with truth his characters he draws, Even Caesar shall support the poet's cause; The formal process shall be turn'd to sport, And you dismist with honour by the court.
II.
What, and how great the virtue, friends, to live On what the gods with frugal bounty give (Nor are they mine, but sage Ofellus' rules, Of mother-wit, and wise without the schools) Come learn with me, but learn before ye dine, Ere with luxurious pomp the table shine ; Ere yet its madding splendors are display'd, That dull the sense, and the weak mind mislead. Yet why before we dine ? I'll tell ye, friends, A judge, when brib'd, but ill to truth attends.
Pursue the chase : th' unmanag'd courser rein : Or if the Roman war ill suit thy vein To Grecian revels form'd, at tennis play, Or at the manly discus waste the day ; With vigour hurl it through the yielding air (The sport shall make the labour less severe) : Then, when the loathings, that from surfeits rise, Are quell'd by toil, a homely meal despise ; Then the Falernian grape with pride disclaim, Unless with honey we correct its flame.
Your butler strolls abroad ; the winter'd sea Defends its fish ; but you can well allay The stomach's angry roar with bread and salt — Whence can this rise ? you ask ; from whence the fault?
In you consists the pleasure of the treat, Not in the price or flavour of the meat.
Let exercise give relish to the dish, Since nor the various luxuries of fish, Nor foreign wild-fowl can delight the pale, Surfeit-swoln guest ; yet I shall ne'er prevail 85
SERM0NT7M LIBER ALTER
Vix tamen eripiam, posito pavone velis quin Hoc potius quam gallina tergere palatum, Corruptus vanis rerum, quia veneat auro Rara avis et picta pandat spectacula cauda • Tamquam ad rein attineat quisquam. Num vesceris ista,
Quam laudas, pluma ? cocto num adest honor idem * Game tamen quamvis distat nil, hanc magis ilia Inparibus formis deceptum te petere ! Esto. Vnde datum sentis, lupus hie Tiberinus an 'alto Captus hiet ? pontesne inter iactatus an amnis Ostia sub Tusci? Laudas, insane, trilibrem Mullum, in singula quern minuas pulmenta necessest. Ducit te species, video : quo pertinet ergo Proceros odisse lupos ? Quia scilicet illis Maiorem natura modum dedit, his breve pondus. Ieiunus raro stomachus volgaria temnit. ' Porrectum magno magnum spectare catino Vellem ' ait Harpyiis gula digna rapacibus. At vos, Praesentes Austri, coquite horum obsonia. Quamquam Putet aper rhombusque recens, mala copia quando Aegrum sollicitat stomachum, cum rapula plenus Atque acidas mavolt inulas. Necdum omnis abacta Pauperies epulis regum : nam vilibus ovis Nigrisquest oleis hodie locus. Haud ita pridem Galloni praeconis erat acipensere mensa Infamis. Quid? turn rhombos minus aequora alebant? Tutus erat rhombus tutoque ciconia nido, Donee vos auctor docuit praetorius. Ergo Si quis nunc mergos suaves edixerit assos, Parebit pravi docilis Bomana inventus.
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[Sordidus
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To make our men of taste a pullet chose, And the gay peacock with its train refuse; For the rare bird at mighty price is sold, And lo ! what wonders from its tail unfold ! But can these whims a higher gusto raise, Unless you eat the plumage that you praise? Or do its glories, when 'tis boil'd, remain? No ; 'tis th' unequall'd beauty of its train Deludes your eye, a,nd charms you to the feast, For hens and peacocks are alike in taste.
But say, by what discernment are you taught To know, that this voracious pike was caught Where the full river's lenient waters glide, Or where the bridges break the rapid tide : In the mid ocean, or where Tiber pays With broader course his tribute to the seas?
Madly you praise the mullet's three pound weight, And yet you stew it piece-meal ere you eat ; Your eye deceives you ; wherefore else dislike The natural greatness of a full-grown pike, Yet in a mullet so much joy express ? " Pikes are by nature large, and mullets less."
Give me, the harpy-throated glutton cries, In a large dish a mullet's largest size : Descend, ye southern winds, propitious haste, And dress his dainties for this man of taste. And yet it needs not : for when such excess Shall his o'er-jaded appetite oppress, The new-caught turbot's tainted ere he eat, And bitter herbs are a delicious treat.
But still some ancient poverty remains : The egg and olive yet a place maintains At great men's tables ; nor, till late, the fame Of a whole sturgeon damn'd a praetor's name.
Did ocean then a smaller turbot yield ? The towering stork did once in safety build Her airy nest, nor was the turbot caught, Till your great praetor better precepts taught.
Tell them, that roasted cormorants are a feast, Our docile youth obey the man of taste ;
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Sordidus a tenui victu distabit, Ofello
Iudice: nam frustra v*tium vitaveris illud,
Si te alio pravurn detorseris. AuSdienus,
Oui Canis ex vero ductum cognomen adhaeret,
Quinquennes oleas est et silvestria coma,
Ac nisi mutatum parcit defundere vinum, et
Cuius odorem olei nequeas perferre, licebit
Ille repotia, natales aliosve dierum
Festos albatus celebret, cornu ipse bilibri
Caulibus instillat, veteris non parcus aceti.
Quali igitur victu sapiens utetur et horum
Vtrum imitabitur ? Hac urguet lupus, hac canis, aiunt.
Mundus erit, qua non offendat sordibus, atque
In neutram partem cultus miser. Hie neque servis
Albuci senis exemplo, dum munia didit,
Saevus erit, nec sic ut simplex Naevius unctam
Convivis praebebit aquam : vitium boc quoque magnum.
Accipe nunc, victus tenuis quae quantaque secum
Adferat. In primis valeas bene: nam variae res
Vt noceant bomini, credas, memor illius escae,
Quae simplex olim tibi sederit. At simul assis
Miscueris elixa, simul concbylia turdis,
Dulcia se in bilen vertant stomachoque tumultum
Lenta ferefc pituita. Vides, ut pallidus omnis
Cena desurgat dubia ? Quin corpus onustum
Hesternis vitiis animum quoque praegravat una
Atque adfigit humo divinae particulam aurae.
Alter, ubi dicto citius curata sopori
Membra dedit, vegetus praescripta ad munia surgit.
S3
[Hie
SATIRES BOOK II
But sage Ofellus marks a decent mean A sordid and a frugal meal between; For a profuse expense in vain you shun, If into sordid avarice you run.
Avidienus, who by public fame Was called the dog, and merited the name, Wild cornels, olives five years old, devour'd, Nor, till his wine was turn'd, his pure libations pour'd. When rob'd in white he mark'd with festal mirth His day of marriage, or his hour of birth, From his one bottle, of some two pound weight, With oil, of execrable stench, replete, With his own hand he dropp'd his cabbage o'er, But spar'd his oldest vinegar no more.
How shall the wise decide, thus urg'd between The proverb's ravening wolf and dog obscene? Let him avoid the equal wretchedness Of sordid filth, or prodigal excess; Nor his poor slaves like old Albucius rate, When he gives orders for some curious treat : Nor yet, like Nsevius, carelessly unclean, His guests with greasy water entertain.
This is too vile. Now mark, what blessings flow From temperate meals: and first, they can bestow That prime of blessings, health ; for you'll confess That various meats the stomach must oppress, If you reflect how light, how well you were, When plain and simple was your cheerful fare ; But roast, and boiFd, when you promiscuous eat, When fowl and shell-fish in confusion meet, Sweets, turn'd to choler, with cold phlegm engage, And civil war in the rackt stomach wage.
Behold how pale the sated guests arise From suppers, puzzled with varieties I The body too, with yesterday's excess Burthen'd and tir'd, shall the pure soul depress ; Weigh down this portion of celestial birth, This breath of God, and fix it to the earth.
Who down to sleep from a short supper lies, Can to the next day's business vigorous rise,
SERMONUM LIBER ALTER
Hie tamen ad melius poterit transcurrere quondam, Sive diem festum rediens advexerit annus, Seu recreare volet tenuatum corpus, ubive Accedent anni et tractari mollius aetas Imbecilla volet : tibi quidnam accedet ad istam, Quam puer et validus praesumis, mollitiem, seu Dura valetudo inciderit seu tarda senectus ? Rancidum aprum antiqui laudabant, non quia nasus Iilis nullus erat, sed, credo, hac mente, quod hospes Tardius adveniens vitiatum commodius quam Integrum edax dominus consumeret. Hos utinam inter Heroas natum tellus me prima tulisset ! Das aliquid famae, quae carmine gratior aurem Occupet humanam ? Grandes rhombi patinaeque Grande ferunt una cum damno dedecus. Adde Iratum patruum, vicinos, te tibi iniquum Et frustra mortis cupidum, cum deerit egenti As, laquei pretium. * lure ' inquit ' Trausius istis lurgatur verbis ; ego vectigalia magna Divitiasque habeo tribus amplas regibus.' Ergo Quod superat non est melius quo insumere possis? Cur eget indignus quisquam te divite? Quare Templa ruunt antiqua deum? Cur, inprobe, carae Non aliquid patriae tanto emetiris acervo? Vni nimirum tibi recte semper erurit res, O magnus posthac inimicis risus ! Vterne Ad casus dubios fidet sibi certius ? hie qui Pluribus adsuerit mentem corpusque superbum, An qui contentus parvo metuensque futuri
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Or jovial wander (when the circling year
Brings back some festal day) to better cheer,
Or when his wasted strength he would restore,
"When years approach, and age's feeble hour
A softer treatment claim. But if in prime
Of youth and health you take before your time
The luxuries of life, where is their aid
When age or sickness shall your strength invade?
Our fathers lov'd (and yet they had a nose) A tainted boar ; but I believe they chose The mouldy fragments with a friend to eat, Rather than eat it whole themselves, and sweet. Oh ! that the earth, when vigorous and young, Had borne me this heroic race among !
Do you the voice of Fame with pleasure hear? (Sweeter than verse it charms the human ear) Behold, what infamy and ruin rise From a large dish, where the large turbot lies ! Your friends, your neighbours all your folly hate, You hate yourself, in vain, and curse your fate, When, though you wish for death, you want the pelf To purchase even a rope to hang yourself.
"These precepts well may wretched Trausius rate: But why to me ? So large is my estate, And such an ample revenue it brings To satiate even the avarice of kings." Then why not better use this proud excess Of worthless wealth ? Why lives in deep distress A man unworthy to be poor, or why The temples of the gods in ruins lie? Why not of such a massy treasure spare To thy dear country, wretch, a moderate share? Shalt thou alone no change of fortune know? Thou future laughter to thy deadliest foe !
But who, with conscious spirit self-secure, A change of fortune better shall endure? He, who with such variety of food Pampers his passions, and inflames his blood, Or he, contented with his little store, And wisely cautious of the future hour,
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In pace, ut sapiens, aptarit idonea bello? Quo magis his credas, puer hunc ego parvus Ofelium Integris opibus novi non latius usum Quam nunc accisis. Videas metato in agello Cum pecore et gnatis fortem mercede colonum •Non ego' narrantem 'temere edi luce profesta Quicquam praeter olus fumosae cum pede pernae. Ac mihi seu longum post tempus venerat hospes Sive operum vacuo gratus conviva per imbrem Vicinus, bene erat non piscibus urbe petitis, Sed pullo atque haedo ; turn pensilis uva secundas Et mix ornabat mensas cum duplice ficu. Post hoc ludus erat culpa potare magistra; Ac venerata Ceres, ita culmo sugeret alto, Explicuit vino contractae seria frontis. Saeviat atque novos inoveat fortuna tumultus : Quantum hinc inminuet ? quanto aut ego parcius aut vos, O pueri, nituistis, ut hue novus incola venit? Nam propriae telluris erum natura nec ilium Nec me nec quemquam statuit : nos expulit ille; Ilium aut nequities aut vafri inscitia iuris, Postremum expellet certe vivacior heres. Nunc ager Vmbreni sub nomine, nuper Ofelii Dictus, erit nulli proprius, sed cedet in usum Nunc mihi, nunc alii. Quocirca vivite fortes Fortiaque adversis opponite pectora rebus.'
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SATIRES BOOK II
Who in the time of peace with prudent care Shall for the extremities of war prepare ?
But, deeper to impress this useful truth, I knew the sage Ofellus in my youth Living, when wealthy, at no larger rate Then in his present more contracted state. I saw the hardy hireling till the ground ('Twas once his own estate); and while around His cattle graz'd, and children listening stood, The cheerful swain his pleasing tale pursued.
On working days I had no idle treat, But a smok'd leg of pork and greens I eat; Yet when arrived some long-expected guest, Or rainy weather gave an hour of rest, If a kind neighbour then a visit paid, An entertainment more profuse I made ; Though with a kid, or pullet, well content, Ne'er for luxurious fish to Rome I sent ; With nuts and figs I crown' d the cheerful board, The largest that the season could afford. The social glass went round with cheerfulness, And our sole rule was to avoid excess. Our due libations were to Ceres paid, To bless our corn, and fill the rising blade, While the gay wine dispell'd each anxious care, And smooth'd the wrinkled forehead too severe.
Let Fortune rage, and new disorders make, From such a life how little can she take ! Or have we liv'd at a more frugal rate Since this new stranger seiz'd on our estate? Nature will no perpetual heir assign, Or make the farm his property or mine. He turn'd us out : but follies all his own, Or law-suits, and their knaveries unknown, Or, all his follies and his law-suits past, Some long-hVd heir shall turn him out at last. The farm, once mine, now bears Umbrenus' name, The use alone, not property we claim : Then be not with your present lot deprest, And meet the future with undaunted breast,
SERMONUM LIBER ALTER III.
' Si raro scribis, ut toto non quater anno
Membranam poscas, scriptorum quaeque retexens,
Iratus tibi, quod vini somnique benignus
Nil (lignum sermone canas : quid fiet ? At ipsis
Saturnalibus hue fugisti sobrius. Ergo
Die aliquid dignum promissis. Incipe. Nil est?
Culpantur frustra calami, inmeritusque laborat
Iratis natus paries dis atque poetis.
Atqui voltus erat multa et praeclara minantis,
Si vacuum tepido cepisset villula tecto.
Quorsum pertinuit stipare Platona Menandro,
Eupolin Archilocho, comites educere tantos?
Invidiam placare paras virtute relicta?
Oontemnere miser ! Vitandast inproba Siren
Desidia, aut quidquid vita meliore parasti
Ponendum aequo animo.' 'Di te, Damasippe, deaeque
Verum ob consilium donent tonsore. Sed unde
Tarn bene me nosti ? ' * Postquam omnis res mea Ianum
Ad medium fractast, aliena negotia euro
Excussus propriis. Olim nam quaerere amabam,
Quo vafer illi pedes lavisset Sisyphus aere,
Quid sculptum infabre, quid fusum durius esset.
Oallidus huic signo ponebam milia centum ;
[Hortos
SATIRES BOOK II
III.
If hardly once a quarter of a year,
So idle grown, a single sheet appear;
If angry at yourself, that sleep and wine
Enjoy your hours, while anxious to refine
Your labours past, no more your voice you raise
To aught, that may deserve the public praise,
What shall be done? When Saturn's jovial feast
Seem'd too luxuriant to your sober taste,
Hither you fled. Then try the pleasing strain :
Come on: begin.
Alas ! 'tis all in vain : While I with impotence of rage abuse My harmless pens, the guiltless walls accuse ; Walls, that seemd rais'd in angry heaven's despite The curse of peevish poets, when they write. And yet you threaten'd something wondrous great, When you should warm you in your country seat, Why crowd the volumes of the Grecian sage, Rang'd with the writers of the comic stage? Think you the wrath of envy to appease, Your virtue lost in idleness and ease? Unhappy bard, to sure contempt you run; Then learn the Siren Indolence to shun, Or poorly be content to lose the fame, Which your past hours of better life might claim. Sage Damasippus, may the powers divine, For this same excellent advice of thine, Give thee a barber, in their special grace, To nurse your beard, that wisdom of the face! Yet, prithee, tell me whence I'm so well known. When I had lost all business of my own, And at the Exchange my ship-wreckt fortunes broke. I minded the affairs of other folk. In rare antiques full curious was my taste ; Here the rude chissel's rougher strokes I trac'd; In flowing brass a vicious hardness found, Or bought a statue for five hundred pound, A perfect connoisseur. At gainful rate,
9p
SERMONUM LIBER ALTER
Hortos egregiasque domos mercarier unus Cum lucro noram : unde frequentia Mercuriale Inposuere mihi cognomen compita.' * Novi, Et miror morbi purgatum te illius. Atqui Emovit veterem mire novus, ut solet, in cor Traiecto lateris miseri capitisve dolore, Vt lethargicus hie cum fit pugil et medicum urguet. Dum ne quid simile huic, esto ut libet.' ' O bone, ne te Frustrere : insanis et tu, stultique prope omnes, Si quid Stertinius veri crepat, unde ego mira Descripsi docilis praecepta haec, tempore quo me Solatus iussit sapientem pascere barbam Atque a Fabricio non tristem ponte reverti. Nam male re gesta cum vellem mittere operto Me capite in flumen, dexter stetit et 'cave faxis Te quicquam indignum. Pudor ' inquit ' te malus angit, Insanos qui inter vereare insanus haberi. Primum nam inquiram, quid sit furere : hoc si erit in te Solo, nil verbi, pereas quin fortiter, addam. Quern mala stultitia et quern cumque inscitia veri Caecum agit, insanum Chrysippi porticus et grex Autumat. Haec populos, haec magnos formula reges, Excepto sapiente, tenet. Nunc accipe, quare Desipiant omnes aeque ac tu, qui tibi nomen Insano posuere. Velut silvis, ubi passim Palantes error certo de tramite pellit, Ille sinistrorsum, hie dextrorsum abit, unus utrique Error, sed variis inludit partibus: hoc te Crede modo insanum, nihilo ut sapientior ille,
[Qui
SATIRES BOOK II
I purchas'd gardens, or a mansion-seat. Thus, through the city I was known to fame, And Mercury's favourite my public name. I knew your illness, and amaz'd beheld Your sudden cure.
A new disease expell'd My old disorder: as when changing pains Fly to the stomach from the head and reins. Thus the lethargic, starting from his bed, In boxing phrensy broke his doctor's head. Spare but this phrensy, use me as you please — Good sir, don't triumph in your own disease. For all are fools or mad, as well as you. At least, if what Stertinius says, be true, Whose wondrous precepts I with transport heard, What time he bade me nurse this reverend beard, Cheerful from the Fabrician bridge depart, And with the words of comfort til I'd my heart.
For when, my fortune lost, resolv'd I stood, Covering my head, to plunge into the flood, Propitious he address'd me —
Friend, take heed, Nor wrong yourself by this unworthy deed. 'Tis but a vicious modesty to fear Among the mad a madman to appear. But listen heedful first, while I explain "W hat madness is, what error of the brain ; And if in you alone appear its power, Then bravely perish % I shall say no more.
Whom vicious follies, or whom falsehood, blind, Are by the Stoics held of madding kind. All but the wise are by this process bound, The subject nations, and the monarch crown'd, And they who call you fool, with equal claim May plead an ample title to the name.
When in a wood we leave the certain way One error fools us, though we various stray : Some to the left, some turn to t'other side : So he, who dares thy madness to deride, Though you may frankly own yourself a fool, 97
SERMONUM LIBER ALTER
Qui te deridet, caudam trahat. Est genus unum Stultitiae nihilum metuenda timentis, ut ignes, Vt rupes fluviosque in campo obstare queratur; Alterum et huic varum et nihilo sapientius ignes Per medios fluviosque mentis : clamet amice Mater, honesta soror cum cognatis, pater, uxor: Hie fossa est ingens, hie rupes maxima : serva ! ' Non magis audierit, quam Fufius ebrius olim, Cum Ilionam edormit, Oatienis mille ducentis * Mater, te appello' clamantibus. Huic ego volgus Errori similem cunctum insanire docebo. Insanit veteres statuas Damasippus emendo : Integer est mentis Damasippi creditor? Esto. ' Accipe quod numquam reddas mihi ' si tibi dicam : Tune insanus eris, si acceperis, an magis excors Reiecta praeda, quam praesens Mercurius fert? Scribe decern a Nerio : non est satis ; adde Oicutae Nodosi tabulas, centum, mille adde catenas; Effugiet tamen haec sceleratus vincula Proteus. Cum rapies in ius malis ridentem alienis, Fiet aper, modo avis, modo saxum et, cum volet, arbor. Si male rem gerere insanist, contra bene sani : Putidius multo cerebrumst, mihi crede, Perelli Dictantis, quod tu numquam rescribere possis, Audire atque togam iubeo conponere, quisquis Ambitione mala aut argenti pallet amore, Quisquis luxuria tristive superstitione Aut alio mentis morbo calet ; hue propius me, Dum doceo insanire omnes, vos ordine adite.
[Dandast
SATIRES BOOK II
Behind him trails his mark of ridicule.
For various follies fill the human breast,
As, with unreal terrors when possest,
A wretch in superstitious phrensy cries,
"Lo! in the plain, fires, rocks, and rivers, rise I "
A different madness, though not less, inspires The fool, who rushes wild through streams and fires ;
His mother, sister, father, friends and wife, Cry out, in vain, Ah! yet preserve thy life; That head-long ditch I how dreadful it appears ! That hanging precipice ! No more he hears, Then drunken Fufius lately at the play, Who fairly slept Ilione away,
While the full pit, with clamorous thousands, cries, *Awake, dear mother, to my aid, arise.'
Now listen while full clearly I maintain Such is the vulgar error of the brain. Some rare antique, suppose, your madness buys ; Is he, who lends the money, less unwise? Or if the usurer Perillius said, Take what I ne'er expect shall be repaid, Are you a fool to take it, or not more To affront the god, who sends the shining store? Ay ; but I make him on a banker draw — *Tis not enough : add all the forms of law ; The knotty contracts of Cicuta's brain ; This wicked Proteus shall escape the chain : Drag him to justice, he's a bird, tree, stone, And laughs as if his cheeks were not his own.
If bad economists are held unwise, In good economy some wisdom lies, And then Perillius is of tainted brain, Who takes your bond, to sue for it in vain.
Come all, whose breasts with bad ambition rise, Or the pale passion, that for money dies, With luxury, or superstition's gloom, Whate'er disease your health of mine consume, Compose your robes; in decent ranks draw near, And, that ye all are mad, with reverence hear. 99
SE3RM0NUM LIBER ALTER
Dandast ellebori multo pars maxima avaris,
Nec scio an Anticyram ratio illis destinet omnem*
Heredes Staberi suramam incidere sepulcro,
Ni sic fecissent, gladiatorum dare centum
Damnati populo paria atque epulum arbitrio Arri et
Frumenti quantum metit Africa. 'Sive ego prave
Seu recte hoc volui, ne sis patruus niihi.' Credo,
Hoc Staberi prudentem animum vidisse. Quid ergo
Sensit, cum summam patrimoni insculpere saxo
Heredes voluit? Quoad vixit, credidit ingens
Pauperiem vitium et cavit nihil acrius, ut, si
Forte minus locuples uno quadrante perisset,
Ipse videretur sibi nequior : omnis enim res,
Virtus, fama, decus, divina humanaque pulchris
Divitiis parent ; quas qui construxerit, ille
Olarus erit, f ortis, iustus. ' Sapiensne ? ' Etiam, et rex
Et quidquid volet. Hoc, veluti virtute paratum,
Speravit magnae laudi fore. Quid simile isti
Graecus Aristippus? qui servos proicere aurum
In media iussit Libya, quia tardius irent
Propter onus segnes. Vter est insanior horum?
Nil agit exemplum, litem quod lite resolvit.
Si quis emat citharas, emptas conportet in unum,
Nec studio citharae nec Musae deditus ulli,
Si scalpra et formas non sutor, nautica vela
Aversus mercaturis : delirus et amens
Vndique dicatur merito. Qui discrepat istis,
Qui nummos aurumque recondit, nescius uti
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[Conpositis
satires book ii
Misers make whole Anticyra their own i Its hellebore reserv'd for them alone. Staberius thus compell'd his heirs to engrave On his proud tomb what legacies he gave, Or stand condemn'd to give the crowd a feast, By Arrius form'd in elegance of taste, And gladiators, even an hundred pair, With all the corn of Afric's fruitful year. Such is my will, and whether fool or wise, I scorn your censures, the testator cries, Wisely perceiving —
What could he perceive, Thus on his tomb his fortune to engrave? Long as he liv'd he look'd on poverty, And shunn'd it as a crime of blackest dye ; And had he died one farthing less in pelf, Had seem'd a worthless villain to himself ; For virtue, glory, beauty, all divine And human powers, immortal gold! are thine; And he, who piles the shining heap, shall rise Noble, brave, just —
You will not call him wise. Yes ; any thing ; a monarch, if he please : And thus Staberius, nobly fond of praise, By latest times might hope to be admir'd, As if his virtue had his wealth acquir'd, When Aristippus, on the Libyan waste Commands his slaves, because it stopt their haste, To throw away his gold, does he not seem To be as mad in opposite extreme? By such examples, truth can ne'er be tried : They but perplex the question, not decide. If a man fill'd his cabinet with lyres, Whom neither music charms, nor muse inspires: Should he buy lasts and knives, who never made A shoe ; or if a wight, who hated trade, The sails and tackle for a vessel bought, Madman or fool he might be justly thought. But, prithee, where's the difference, to behold A wretch, who heaps and hides his darling gold ; 101
SERMONUM LIBER ALTER
Conpositis metuensque velut contingere sacrum ? Si quis ad ingentem frumenti semper acervum Porrectus vigilet cum longo fuste neque illinc Audeat esuriens dominus contingere gran urn Ac potius foliis parous vescatur amaris ; Si positis intus Chii veterisque Falerni Mille cadis, nihil est, ter centum milibus, acre Potet acetum ; age, si et stramentis incubet ulvae Octoginta annos natus, cui stragula vestis, Blattarum ac tinearum epulae, putrescat in area : Nimirum insanus paucis videatur, eo quod Maxima pars hominum morbo iactatur eodem. Filius aut etiam haec libertus ut ebibat heres, Dis inimice senex, custodis ? Ne tibi desit ? Quantulum enim summae curtabit quisque dierum, Vnguere si caules oleo meliore caputque Coeperis inpexa foedum porrigine ? Quare, Si quidvis satis est, periuras, surripis, aufers Vndique ? Tun sanus ? Populum si caedere saxis Incipias servosve, tuo quos aere pararis, Insanum te omnes pueri clamentque puellae; Cum laqueo uxorem interimis matremque veneno, Incolumi capite es? Quid enim? Neque tu hoc facis Argis
Nec ferro ut demens genetricem occidis Orestes.
An tu reris eum occisa insanisse parente,
Ac non ante malis dementem actum Furiis quam
In matris ingulo ferrum tepefecit acutum?
Quin, ex quost habitus male tutae mentis Orestes.
Nil sane fecit quod tu reprendere possis :
Non Pyladen ferro violare aususve sororem
Electram tantum maledicit utrique vocando
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[Hanc
SATIRES BOOK II
Who knows not how to use the massy store, Yet dreads to violate the sacred ore ?
With a long club, and ever open eyes, To guard his corn its wretched master lies, Nor dares, though hungry, touch the hoarded grain, While bitter herbs his frugal life sustain : If in his cellar lie a thousand flasks (Nay, let them rise to thrice a thousand casks) Of old Falernian, or the Ohian vine, Yet if he drank mere vinegar for wine; If, at fourscore, of straw he made his bed, While moths upon his rotting carpets fed; By few, forsooth, a madman he is thought, For half mankind the same disease have caught.
Thou dotard, cursed in the love of pelf, For fear of starving, will you starve yourself? Or do you this ill-gotten treasure save For a luxurious son, or favourite slave ? How little would thy mass of money waste, Did you on better oil and cabbage feast, Or on thy clotted hair, and dandruff-head, A sweeter, more expensive, essence shed! If nature wish for no immoderate store, When you forswear, and rob, and steal for more, Still are you sound? But, when your folly raves, If you should stone the people, or your slaves ; Those slaves, whom you with pelf, how precious ! buy, Our boys and girls, A madman, madman! cry. Is your head safe, although you hang your wife, Or take by poison your old mother's life? What ! nor in Argos you commit the deed, Nor did your mother by a dagger bleed ; Nor by a mad Orestes was she slain — But was Orestes of untainted brain, Or was he not by furies dire possest, Before he plung'd his dagger in her breast?
Yet from the time you hold him hurt in mind, His actions are of harmless, blameless kind. He neither stabs his sister, nor his friend ; In a few curses his worst passions end;
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SERMONUM LIBER ALTER
Hanc Furiam, hunc aliud, iussit quod splendida bilis. Pauper Opimius argenti positi intus et auri, Qui Veientanum festis potare diebus Camp an a solitus trulla vapparnque profestis, Quondam lethargo grandist oppressus, ut heres lam circum loculos et claves laetus ovansque Curreret. Hunc medicus multum celer atque fidelis Excitat hoc pacto : mensam poni iubet atque Efrundi saccos nummorum, accedere plures Ad numerandum : hominem sic erigit ; addit et illud ; 'Ni tua custodis, avidus iam haec auferet heres.' ' Men vivo ? ' ' Vt vivas igitur, vigila. Hoc age.' ' Quid vis?'
'Deficient inopem venae te, ni cibus atque Ingesta accedit stomacho fultura ruenti. Tu cessas? Agedum, sume hoc ptisan arium oryzae.' 'Quanti emptae?' 'Parvo.' * Quanti ergo?' 'Octussi-
bus.' ' Eheu, Quid refert, morbo an furtis pereamque rapinis?' Stultus et insanus. 'Quid, siquis non sit avarus, Oontinuo sanus?' Minime. 'Cur, Stoice?' Dicam. Non est cardiacus (Oraterum dixisse putato) Hie aeger; rectest igitur, surgetque? Negabit, Quod latus aut renes morbo temptentur acuto.
m
[Non
SATIRES BOOK II
He calls her fury, or whatever names
Flow from a breast which choler high enflames.
Poor was Opimius, though full rich his chest, In earthen cups, on some more solemn feast, QuafFd the crude juices of a meagre vine, On Week-days dead and vapid was his wine, When with an heavy lethargy opprest, His heir in triumph ran from chest to chest : Swift to his aid his faithful doctor flies, And this expedient to awake him tries : From out his bags he pours the shining store, And bids a crowd of people count it o'er; Then plac'd the table near his patient's bed, And loud, as if he rous'd him from the dead, "Awake, and guard your wealth ; this moment wake : Your ravening heir will every shilling take." What ! while I live ? " Then, wake, that you may live ; Here take the best prescription I can give : Your bloodless veins, your appetite will fail, Unless you raise them by a powerful meal. Take this ptisan — " What will it cost? Nay, hold. "A very trifle.'' Sir, I will be told. — "Three pence."— Alas ! what does it signify, Whether by doctors or by thieves I die? Who then is sound?
Whoever's not a fool. What think you of the miser?
By my rule,
Both fool and madman.
Is he sound and well,
If not a miser?
No.
I prithee tell,
Good Stoic, why?
Let us suppose you heard An able doctor, who perchance declar'd His patient's stomach good ; yet shall he rise, Or is he well ? Ah ! no, the doctor cries, Because a keen variety of pains Attack the wretch's side, or vex his reins. 105
SERMONUM LIBER ALTER
Non est periurus neque sordidus, inmolet aequis
Hie porcum Laribus ; verum ambitiosus et audax :
Naviget Anticyram. Quid enim differt, barathrone
Dones quidquid habes an numquam utare paratis?
Servius Oppidius Oanusi duo praedia, dives
Antiquo censu, gnatis divisse duobus
Fertur et haec nioriens pueris dixisse vocatis
Ad lectum : ' Postquam te talos, Aule, nucesque
Ferre sinu laxo, donare et ludere vidi,
Te, Tiberi, numerare, eavis abscondere tristem,
Extimui, ne vos ageret vesania discors,
Tu Nomentanum, tu ne sequerere Cicutam.
Quare per divos oratus uterque Penates,
Tu cave ne minuas, tu ne maius facias id,
Quod satis esse putat pater et natura cohercet.
Praeterea ne vos titillet gloria, iure
Iurando obstringam ambo : uter aedilis fueritve
Vestruin praetor, is intestabilis et sacer esto.'
In cicere atque faba bona tu perdasque lupinis,
Latus ut in circo spatiere et aheneus ut stes,
Nudus agris, nudus nummis insane paternis;
Scilicet ut plausus, quos fert Agrippa, feras tu,
Astuta ingenuum volpes imitata leonem?
'Ne quis humasse velit Aiacem, Atrida, vetas cur?'
'Rex sum/ 'Nil ultra quaero plebeius.' 'Et aequam
Rem imperito ; ac si cui videor non istus, inulto
[Dicer®
SATIRES BOOK II
You are not perjur'd nor to gold a slave ; Let heaven your grateful sacrifice receive. But if your breast with bold ambition glows, Set sail where hellebore abundant grows. For, prithee, say, what difference can you find, Whether to scoundrels of the vilest kind You throw away your wealth in lewd excess, Or know not to enjoy what you possess?
When rich Oppidius, as old tales relate, To his two sons divided his estate, Two ancient farms, he call'd them to his bed, And dying, thus, with faltering accent, said: In your loose robe when I have seen you bear Your play-things, Aulus, with an heedless air, Or careless give them to your friends away, Or with a gamester's desperate spirit play ; While you, Tiberius, anxious counted o'er Your childish wealth, and hid the little store, A different madness seem'd to be your fate, Misers or spendthrifts born to imitate, Then, by our household gods, my sons, I charge, That you ne'er lessen, that you ne'er enlarge What seems sufficient to your tender sire, And nature's most unbounded wants require.
Then lest ambition tempt ye, hear this oath, By whose eternal power I bind ye both : Curst be the wretch, an object of my hate, Whoe'er accepts an office in the state! Will you in largesses exhaust your store, That you may proudly stalk the Circus o'er ; Or in the Capitol embronz'd may stand, Spoil'd of your fortune and paternal land; And thus, forsooth, Agrippa's praise engage, Or show, with reynard's tricks, the lion's rage?
Wherefore does Ajax thus unburied lie? We are a king.
A base plebeian I, And ask no more.
'Twas just what we decreed: But, if you think it an unrighteous deed, 107
SERMONUM LIBER ALTER
Dicere quod sentit permitto.' 'Maxime regum, Di tibi dent capta classem deducere Troia. Ergo consulere et mox respondere licebit?' 4 Oonsule.' 6 Cur Aiax, heros ab Achille secundus, Putescit, totiens servatis clarus Achivis, Gaudeat ut populus Priami Priamusque inhumato, Per queni tot iuvenes patrio caruere sepulcro?9 'Mille ovium insanus morti dedit, inclitum Vlixem Et Menelaum una mecum se occidere damans,' 'Tu cum pro vitula statuis duicem Aulide natam Ante aras spargisque mola caput, inprobe, salsa, Rectum animi servas cursum ? Insanus quid enim Aiax Fecit? Cum stravit ferro pecus, abstinuit vim Vxore et gnato ; mala multa precatus Atridis Non ille aut Teucrum aut ipsum violavit Vlixem.' 'Verum ego, ut haerentes adverso litore naves Eriperem, prudens placavi sanguine divos.' 'Nempe tuo, furiose?' 'Meo, sed non furiosus.' ' Qui species alias veris scelerisque tumultu Permixtas capiet, commotus habebitur, atque Stultitiane erret, nihilum distabit, an ira. Aiax cum inmeritos occidit desipit agnos ; Cum prudens scelus ob titulos admittis inanes, Stas animo et purumst vitio tibi, cum tumidumst cor ?
108
[Si
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Speak what you think. We here our rights resign. Greatest of monarchs, may the powers divine A safe return permit you to enjoy, With your victorious fleet, from ruin'd Troy— But may I ask, and answer without fear? You may.
Then wherefore rots great Ajax here, For many a Grecian sav'd who well might claim To brave Achilles the next place in fame ? Is it that Priam, and the sires of Troy, May view his carcass with malignant joy, By whom their sons so oft destroy'd in fight In their own country want the funeral rite? A thousand sheep the frantic kill'd, and cried, "Here both Atrides ; there Ulysses died." When your own child you to the altar led, And pour'd the salted meal upon her head ; When you beheld the lovely victim slain, Unnatural father! were you sound of brain? Why not?
Then what did frantic Ajax do, When in his rage a thousand sheep he slew ? Nor on his wife or son he drew his sword, On Atreus' sons alone his curses pour'd ; Nor on his brother turn'd the vengeful steel, Nor did Ulysses his resentment feel. But I, while adverse winds tempestuous roar, To loose our fated navy from the shore Wisely with blood the powers divine atone — What ! your own blood, you madman ?
Yes, my own ; But yet not mad.
'Tis a disorder' d head, Which, by the passions in confusion led, The images of right and wrong mistakes, And rage or folly no great difference makes.
Was Ajax mad, when those poor lambs he slew? And are your senses right, while you pursue, With such a crime, an empty title's fame ? Is the heart pure high-swelling for a name ? 109
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Si quis lectica nit id am gestare amet agnam,
Huic vestem ut gnatae paret, ancillas paret, aurum,
Rufam aut Posillam appellet fortique marito
Destinet uxorem : interdicto huic omne adimat ius
Praetor et ad sanos abeat tutela propinquos.
Quid, si quis gnatam pro muta devovet agna,
Integer est animi ? Ne dixeris. Ergo ubi prava
Stultitia, hie summast insania ; qui sceleratus,
Et furiosus erit ; quern cepit vitrea fama,
Hunc circumtonuit gaudens Bellona cruentis.
Nunc age, luxuriam et Nomentanum arripe mecum :
Vincet enim stultos ratio insanire nepotes.
Hie simul accepit patrimoni mille talenta,
Edicit, piscator uti, pomarius, auceps,
Vnguentarius ac Tusci turba inpia vici,
Cum scurris fartor, cum Velabro omne macellum
Mane domum veniant. Qui cum venere frequentes,
Verba facit leno : ' Quidquid mihi, quidquid et horum
Cuique domist, id crede tuum et Tel nunc pete vel eras.*
Accipe quid contra haec iuvenis responderit aequus.
' In nive Lucana dormis ocreatus, ut aprum
Cenem ego ; tu pisces hiberno ex aequore verris.
Segnis ego, indignus qui tantum possideam : aufer,
Sume tibi decies ; tibi tantumdem ; tibi triplex,
Vnde uxor media currit de nocte vocata.'
Filius Aesopi detractam ex aure Metellae,
Scilicet ut decies solidum absorberet, aceto
Diluit insignem bacam : qui sanior, ac si
Illud idem in rapidum flumen iaceretve cloacam?
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Should a man take a lambkin in his chah>, With fondling names caress the spotless fair ; Clothes, maids, and gold, as for his child, provide, And a stout husband for the lovely bride, His civil rites the judge would take away, And to trustees in guardianship convey. Then sure you will not call him sound of brain, By whom his daughter for a lamb was slain. Folly and guilt are madness in the extreme ; The impious and the mad eternally the same. Blood-stain'd Beliona thunders round his head, Who is by glassy fame a captive led.
Now try the sons of luxury, you'll find, Bight reason proves them fools of madding kind. A youth, upon his father's death, receives A thousand talents, and his orders gives That all the trades of elegance and taste, All who with wit and humour joy a feast, The impious crowd, that nils the Tuscan street, Early next morning at his house should meet. What then ? they frequent his command obeyed And thus his speech the wily Pander made : Whate'er these people have : whate'er is mine ; To-day, to-morrow send, be sure is thine.
Hear the just youth this generous answer make ; "In clumsy boots, dear hunter, for my sake, You sleep in wild Lucania's snowy waste, That I at night on a whole boar may feast. For fish you boldly sweep the wintry seas, That I, unworthy, may enjoy my ease. Let each five hundred pounds, with pleasure, take. To thee, dear Pander, I a present make Of twice a thousand, that with all her charms Your wife at night may run into my arms."
An actor's son dissolv'd a wealthy pearl (The precious ear-ring of his favourite girl) In vinegar, and thus luxurious quaff' d A thousand solid talents at a draught. Had he not equally his wisdom shown, Into the sink or river were it thrown ?
Ill
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Quinti progenies Arri, par nobile fratrum, Nequitia et nugis, pravorum et amore gemellum, Luscinias soliti inpenso prandere coemtas, Quorsum abeant? Sanin creta an carbone notati? Aedificare casas, plostello adiungere mures, Ludere par inpar, equitare in arundine longa Si quern delectet barbatum : amentia verset. Si puerilius his ratio esse evincet amare, Nec quicquam differre, utrumne in pulvere, trimus Quale prius, ludas opus, an meretricis amore Sollicitus plores : quaero, faciasne quod olim Mutatus Polemon ? ponas insignia morbi, Fasciolas, cubital, focalia, potus ut ille Dicitur ex collo furtim carpsisse coronas, Postquamst inpransi correptus voce magistri? Porrigis irato puero cum poma, recusat ; ' Sume, catelle ' : negat ; si non des, optefc. Amator Exclusus qui distat, agit ubi secum, eat an non, Quo rediturus erat non arcessitus, et haeret Invisis foribus? 'Nec nunc, cum me vocat ultro, Accedam ? An potius mediter finire dolores ? Exclusit ; re vocat : redeam ? Non, si obsecret.' — Ecce Servus, non paulo sapientior ' o ere, quae res Nec modum habet neque consilium, ratione modoque Tractari non volt. In amore haec sunt mala, bellum, Pax rursum: haec si quis tempestatis prope ritu Mobilia et caeca fluitantia sorte laboret Reddere certa sibi, nihilo plus explicet, ac si
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A noble pair of brothers, twins, in truth, In all the excesses, trifles, crimes of youth, On nightingales of monstrous purchase din'd ; What is their process ? Are they sound of mind ?
Suppose, in childish architecture skill'd, A bearded sage his castle-cottage build Play odd and even, ride his reedy cane, And yoke his harness'd mice, 'tis madness plain. But what if reason, powerful reason, prove *Tis more than equal childishness to love? If there's no difference, whether in the dust You sport your infant works, or high in lust, An harlot's cruelty with tears deplore, Will you, like much-chang'd Polemon of yore, Throw off the ensigns of the dear disease, The arts of dress, and earnestness to please? For the gay youth, though high with liquor warin'd, Was by the sober sage's doctrine charm'd; Chastis'd he listened to the instructive lore, And from his head the breathing garland tore.
A peevish boy shall proffered fruit despise : " Take it, dear puppy." No, and yet he cries, If you refuse it. Does not this discover The froward soul of a discarded lover, Thus reasoning with himself ? What ! when thus slighted
Shall I return, return though uninvited? Yes, he shall sure return, and lingering wait At the proud doors he now presumes to hate. "Shall I not go if she submissive send, Or here resolve my injuries shall end? Expell'd, recall'd, shall I go back again ? No ; let her kneel ; for she shall kneel in vain." When, lo ! his wily servant well replied, Think not by rule and reason, sir, to guide What ne'er by reason or by measure move, For peace and war succeed by turns in love ; And while tempestuous these emotions roll, And float with blind disorder in the soul, Who strives to fix them by one certain rule, 113
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Insanire paret certa ratione modoque.' Quid, cum Picenis excerpens semina pomis Gaudes, si cameram percusti forte, penes te's? Quid? cum baiba feris annoso verba palato, Aedificante casas qui sanior? Adde cruorem Stultitiae, atque ignem gladio scrutare. Modo, inquam, Hellade percussa Marius cum praecipitat se, Cerritus fuit? an commotae crimine mentis Absolves hominem, et sceleris damnabis eundem, Ex more inponens cognata vocabula rebus? Libertinus erat, qui circum compita siccus Lautis mane senex manibus currebat et ' unum, (' Quid tarn magnum ? ' addens), * unum me surpite morti !
Dis etenim facilest' orabat, sanus utrisque
Auribus atque oculis ; mentem, nisi iitigiosus,
Exciperet dominus, cum venderet. Hoc quoque volgus
Chrysippus ponit fecunda in gente Meneni.
1 Iuppiter, ingentes qui das adimisque dolores,'
Mater ait pueri menses iam quinque cubantis,
'Frigida si puerum quartana reliquerit illo
Mane die, quo tu indicis ieiunia, nudus
In Tiberi stabit.' Casus medicusve levarit
Aegrum ex praecipiti : mater delira necabit
In gelida fixum ripa febrimque reducet.
Quone malo mentem concussa? Timore deorum.'
Haec mihi Stertinius, sapientum octavus, amico
Arma dedit, posthac ne conpellarer inultus.
Dixeret insanum qui me, totidem audiet atque
Respicere ignoto discet pendentia tergo.'
'Stoice, post damnum sic vendas omnia pluris,
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May by right rule and reason play the fool. When from the roof the darted pippins bound, Does the glad omen prove your senses sound? Or when with aged tongue you lisp your phases — Is he more mad, who that child-cottage raises? Then add the murders of this fond desire, And with the sword provoke the madding fire.
When jealous Marius late his mistress slew, And from a precipice himself he threw, Was he not mad? or can you by your rule Condemn the murderer, and acquit the fool? But though in civil phrase you change the name, Madman and fool for ever are the same.
With hands clean washt, a sober, ancient wight Ran praying through the streets at early light, " Snatch me from death ; grant me alone to live ; No mighty boon; with ease the gods can give." Sound were his senses ; yet, if he were sold, His master sure this weakness must have told, And, if not fond a law-suit to maintain, Must have confest the slave unsound of brain. This crowd is by the doctrine of our schools Enroll'd in the large family of fools. *
Her child beneath a quartan fever lies For full five months ; when the fond mother cries, "Sickness and health are thine, all-powerful Jove, Then from my son this dire disease remove ; And when your priests thy solemn fast proclaim, Naked the boy shall stand in Tiber's stream. Should chance, or the physician's art, up-raise Her infant from this desperate disease, % The frantic dame shall plunge her hapless boy, Bring back the fever, and the child destroy. Tell me, what horrors thus have turn'd her head? Of the good gods a superstitious dread. These arms Stertinius gave me, our eighth sage, That none unpunisht may provoke my rage: Who calls me mad, shall hear himself a fool, And knows he trails his mark of ridicule.
Great Stoic, so may better bargains raise 115
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Qua me stultitia, quoniam non est genus unum,
Insanire putas ? ego nam videor mihi sanus.'
'Quid, caput abscissum manibus cum portat Agaue
Gnati infelicis, sibi turn furiosa videtur?'
'Stultum me fateor (liceat concedere veris)
Atque etiam insanum ; tan turn hoc edissere, quo me
Aegrotare putes animi vitio.' ' Accipe i primum
Aedificas, hoc est longos imitaris, ab imo
Ad summum totus moduli bipedalis, et idem
Corpore maiorem rides Turbonis in armis
Spiritum et incessum: qui ridicuius minus illo?
An, quodcumque facit Maecenas, te quoque verumst,
Tan turn dissimilem et tanto certare minorem?
Absentis ranae pullis uituli pede pressis
Vnus ubi efrugit, matri denarrat, ut ingens
Belua cognatos eliserit : iila rogare,
Quantane ? num tantum, sufflans se, magna fuisset ?
'Major.' 'Dimidio?— Num tanto?' Cum magis atque
Se magis inflaret, 'non, si te ruperis,' inquit,
'Par eris.' Haec a te non multum abludit imago.
Adde poemata nunc, hoc est, oleum adde camino,
Quae si quis sanus fecit, sanus facis et tu.
Non dico horrendam rabiem.' 'Iam desine.' 'Oultum
Maiorem censu.' Teneas, Damasippe, tuis te.'
' Mille puellarum, puerorum mille furores.'
'O maior tandem parcas, insane, minori.'
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Your ruin'd fortune, tell me, if you please,
Since follies are thus various in their kind,
To what dear madness am I most inclin'd?
For I, methinks, my reason well maintain —
What I did Agave then suspect her brain,
When, by a Bacchanalian phrensy led,
In her own hand she carried her son's head?
Since we must yield to truth, 'tis here confest,
I am a fool ; with madness too possest.
But since my mind's distemper'd, if you please,
What seems the proper kind of my disease ?
First that you build, and, scarce of two foot height,
Mimic the mighty stature of the great.
While you, forsooth, a dwarf in arms, deride
His haughty spirit and gigantic stride,
Yet are you less ridiculous, who dare,
Mere mimic, with Maecenas to compare?
It chanc'd a mother-frog had stroll'd abroad, When a fell ox upon her young ones trod; And only one escap'd, who thus express'd The doleful news — "Ah me! a monstrous beast My brothers hath destroy'd." How large? she cries, And swelling forth — was this the monster's size? Then larger grows— What ! is he larger still ? When more and more she strives her bulk to fill; 14 Nay, though you burst, you ne'er shall be so great/' No idle image, Horace, of thy state. Your verses too ; that oil, which feeds the flame ; If ever bard was wise, be thine the name. That horrid rage of temper —
Yet have done ! That vast expense- Good Stoic, mind your own. Those thousand furious passions for the fair — Thou mightier fool, inferior idiots spare.
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'Vndb et quo Catius?' 'Non est mihi tempus aventi
Ponere signa no vis praeceptis, qualia vincent
Pythagoran Anytique reum doctumque Platona.'
'Peccatuin fateor, cum te sic tempore laevo
Interpellarim ; sed des veniam bonus oro.
Quodsi interciderit tibi nunc aliquid, repetes mox,
Sivest naturae hoc sive artis, mirus utroque.'
'Quin id erat curae, quo pacto cuncta tenerem,
Vtpote res tenues, tenui sermone peractas.'
'Ede hominis nomen, simul et, Romanus an hospes.'
'Ipsa memor praecepta canam, celabitur auctor.
Longa quibus facies ovis erit, ilia memento,
Vt suci melioris et ut magis alma rotundis,
Ponere: namque marem cohibent callosa vitellum.
Caule suburbano qui siccis crevit in agris
Dulcior, inriguo nihil est elutius horto.
Si vespertinus subito te oppresserit hospes,
Ne gallina malum responset dura palato,
Doctus eris vivam musto mersare Falerno :
Hoc teneram faciet. Pratensibus optima fungis
Naturast ; aliis male creditur. Ille salubres
Aestates peraget, qui nigris prandia moris
Finiet, ante gravem quae legerit arbore solem.
Aufidius forti miscebat mella Falerno,
Mendose, quoniam vacuis conmittere venis
Nil nisi lene decet : leni praecordia mulso
Prolueris melius. Si dura morabitur alvus,
Mitulus et viies pellent obstantia conchae
Et lapathi brevis herba, sed albo non sine Coo.
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IV.
Whence comes my Catius ? whither in such haste?
I have no time in idle prate to waste.
I must away to treasure in my mind
A set of precepts, novel and refin'd ;
Such as Pythagoras could never reach,
Nor Socrates nor scienc'd Plato teach.
I ask your pardon, and confess my crime,
To interrupt you at so cross a time.
But yet, if aught escap'd through strange neglect,
You shall with ease the wisdom recollect,
Whether you boast, from nature or from art,
This wondrous gift of holding things by heart.
I meant to store them total in my head,
The matter nice, and wrought of subtle thread.
But prithee, Catius, what's your sage's name?
Is he a Roman, or of foreign fame?
His precepts I shall willingly reveal,
And sing his doctrines, but his name conceal.
Long be your eggs, far sweeter than the round, Cock-eggs they are, more nourishing and sound. In thirsty fields a richer cole wort grows, Than where the watery garden overflows. If by an evening guest perchance surpris'd, Lest the tough hen (I pray you be advis'd) Should quarrel with his teeth, let her be drown'd In lees of wine, and she'll be tender found. Best flavour'd mushrooms meadow land supplies, In other kinds a dangerous poison lies.
He shall with vigour bear the summer's heat, Who after dinner shall be sure to eat His mulberries, of blackest, ripest dyes, And gather'd ere the morning-sun arise. Aufidius first, most injudicious, quaff'd Strong wine and honey for his morning draught. With lenient beverage fill your empty veins, And smoother mead shall better scour the reins. Sorrel and white-wine, if you costive prove, And muscles, all obstructions shall remove.
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Lubrica nascentes inplent conchylia lunae;
Seel non omne marest generosae fertile testae ;
Murice Baiano melior Lucrina peloris,
Ostrea Girceis, Miseno oriuntur echini,
Pectinibus patulis iactat se molle Tarentum.
Nec sibi cenarum qui vis temere arroget artem,
Non prius exacta tenui ratione saporum.
Nec satis est, cara pisces averrere mensa
Ignarum, quibus est ius aptius et quibus assis
Languidus in cubitum iam se conviva reponet.
Vmber et iligna nutritus glande rotundas
Gurvat aper lances carnem vitantis inertem :
Nam Laurens malus est, ulvis et arundine pinguis.
Vinea submittit capreas non semper edules.
Fecundae leporis sapiens sectabitur armos.
Piscibus atque avibus quae natura et foret aetas,
Ante meum nulli patuit quaesita palatum.
Sunt quorum ingenium nova tantum crustula promit,
Nequaquam satis in re una consumere curam,
Vt si quis solum hoc, mala ne sint vina, laboret,
Quali perfundat pisces securus olivo.
Massica si caelo suppones vina sereno,
Nocturna, si quid crassist, tenuabitur aura,
Et decedet odor nervis inimicus ; at ilia
Integrum perdunt lino vitiata saporem.
Surrentina vafer qui miscet faece Falerna
Vina, columbino limum bene colligit ovo,
Quatenus ima petit volven? aliena vitelius.
Tostis marcentem squillis recreabis et Afra
Potorem cochlea : nam lactuca innatat acri
Post vinum stomacho ; perna magis ac rcagis hillis
Flagitat inmorsus renci, quin omnia malit,
Quaecumque inmundis fervent adlata popinis.
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In the new moon all shell-fish fill with juice, But not all seas the richer sort produce ; The largest in the Lucrine lake we find, But the Circ83an are of sweeter kind. Crayfish are best on the Misenian coasts, And soft Tarentum broadest scollops boasts.
If not exact and elegant of taste, Let none presume to understand a feast. 'Tis not enough to buy the precious fish, But know what sauce gives flavour to the dish, If stew'd or roasted it shall relish best> And to the table rouse the languid guest.
If the half-tainted flesh of boars you hate, Let the round dishes bend beneath the weight Of those with acorns fed ; though fat, indeed, The rest are vapid from the marshy reed. The vine-fed goat's not always luscious fare ; Wise palates choose the wings of pregnant hare.
None before me so sapient to engage To tell the various nature, or the age Of fish and fowl ; that secret was my own, Till my judicious palate quite unknown.
In some new pastry that man's genius lies, Yet in one art 'tis meanness to be wise. For should we not be careful, lest our oil, Though excellent our wine, the fish should spoil?
The sky serene, set out your Massic wine; In the night air its foulness shall refine, And lose the scent, unfriendly to the nerves : Through linen strain'd, no flavour it preserves. He, who with art would pour a stronger wine On smooth Falernian lees, should well refine The incorporated mass with pigeons' eggs ; The falling yolk will carry down the dregs.
Stew'd shrimps and Afric cockles shall excite A jaded drinker's languid appetite; But lettuce after wine is cold and crude, Yet ham or sausage is provoking food ; Perhaps he may prefer, with higher zest, Whatever in a filthy tavern's drest.
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Est operae pretium duplicis pernoscere iuris Naturam. Simplex e dulci constat olivo, Quod pingui miscere mero muriaque decebit Non alia quam qua Byzantia putuit orca. Hoc ubi confusum sectis inferbuit herbis Corycioque croco sparsum stetit, insuper addes Pressa Venafranae quod baca remisit olivae, Picenis cedunt pomis Tiburtia suco : Nam facie praestant. Vennuncula convenit ollis ; Rectius Albanam fumo duraveris uvam. Hanc ego cum malis, ego faecem primus et allec, Primus et invenior piper album cum sale nigro Incretum puris circumposuisse catillis. Inmanest vitium dare milia terna macello Angustoque vagos pisces urguere catino. Magna mo vet stomacho fastidia, seu puer unctis Tractavit calicem manibus, dum frusta ligurrit, Sive gravis veteri ereterrae limus adhaesit. Vilibus in scopis, in mappis, in scobe quantus Consistit sumptus ? Neglectis flagitium ingens. Ten lapides varios lutulenta radere palma Et Tyrias dare circum inlota toralia vestes, Obiitum, quanto curam suinptumque minorem Haec habeant, tanto reprendi iustius illis, Quae nisi divitibus nequeant contingere mensis ? ' 'Docte Oati, per amicitiam divosque rogatus, Ducere me auditum, perges quocumque, memento. Nam quamvis memori referas mini pectore cuncta, Non tamen inter pres tantundem iuveris. Adde Voltum habitumque hominis, quern tu vidisse beatus Non magni pendis, quia contigit ; at mini cura Non mediocris inest, fontes ut adire remotos Atque haurire queam vitae praecepta beatae.'
V.
•Hoc quoque, Tiresia, praeter narrata petenti Responde, quibus amissas reparare queam res
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Two sorts of sauce are worthy to be known j Simple the first, and of sweet oil alone: The other mixt with rich and generous wine, And the true pickle of Byzantian brine ; Let it with shredded herbs and saffron boil, And when it cools pour in Venafran oil.
Picenian fruits with juicy flavour grow, But Tibur's with superior beauty glow. Some grapes have with success in pots been tried : The Alban better in the smoke are dried ; With them and apples and the lees of wine, White pepper, common salt, and herring-brine, I first invented a delicious feast, And gave a separate plate to every guest. Monstrous, to spend a fortune on a dish, Or crowd the table with a load of fish!
It strongly turns the stomach, when a slave Shall on your cup the greasy tokens leave Of what rich sauce the luscious caitiff stole; Or when vile mould incrusts your antique bowl. Brooms, mats, and saw-dust are so cheaply bought That not to have them is a shameless fault. What ! sweep with dirty broom a floor inlaid, Or on foul couches Tyrian carpets spread? Oatius, by friendship, by the powers divine, Take me to hear this learned sage of thine ; For though his rules you faithfully express, This mere repeating makes the pleasure less. Besides, what joy to view his air ?nd mien ! Trifles to you, because full often seen. Nor mean that ardour, which my breast inflames, To visit wisdom's even remoter streams, And by your learned, friendly guidance led, Quaff the pure precept at the fountain-head.
V.
Besides the precepts, which you gave before, Resolve this question, and I ask no more : Say by what arts and methods I may straight
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Artibus atque modis. Quid rides?' 'Iamne doloso Non satis est Ithacam revehi patriosque Penates Adspicere ? ' ' O nulli quicquam mentite, vides ut Nudus inopsque domum redeam te vate, neque illic Aut apotheca procis intactast aut pecus : atqui Et genus et virtus, nisi cum re, vilior algast.' 4 Quando pauperiem missis ambagibus horres, Accipe qua ratione queas ditescere. Turdus Sive aliud privum dabitur tibi, devolet illuc, Res ubi magna nitet domino sene ; dulcia poma Et quoscumque feret cultus tibi fundus honores Ante Larem gustet venerabilior Lare dives. Qui quamvis periurus erit, sine gente, cruentus Sanguine fraterno, fugitivus, ne tamen illi Tu comes exterior, si postulet, ire recuses.' *Vtne tegam spurco Damae latus? Haud ita Troiae Me gessi, certans semper melioribus.' 'Ergo Pauper eris.' 'Fortem hoc animum tolerare iubebo; Et quondam maiora tulit. Tu protinus, unde Divitias aerisque ruam, die augur, acervos.' 1 Dixi equidem et dico : captes astutus ubique Testamenta senum, neu, si vafer unus et alter Insidiatorem praeroso fugerit hamo, Aut spem deponas aut artem inlusus omittas.
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Repair the ruins of a lost estate.
How now, Tiresias ? whence those leering smiles ?
Already vers'd in double-dealing wiles,
Are you not satisfied to reach again
Your native land, and view your dear demesne?
How poor and naked I return, behold,
Unerring prophet, as you first foretold.
The wooing tribe, in revellings employ'd,
My stores have lavish t, and my herds destroy 'd :
But high descent and meritorious deeds,
Unblest with wealth, are viler than sea-weeds.
Since, to be brief, you shudder at the thought
Of want, attend, how riches may be caught.
Suppose a thrush, or any dainty thing,
Be sent to you, despatch it on the wing
To some rich dotard. What your garden yields,
The choicest honours of your cultur'd fields,
To him be sacrific'd, and let him taste,
Before your gods, the vegetable feast.
Though he be perjur'd, though a low-born knave,
Stain'd with fraternal blood, a fugitive slave,
Yet wait upon him at his least command,
And always bid him take the upper hand.
What ! shall Ulysses then obey the call Of such a wretch, and give a slave the wall ? Not thus at Troy I prov'd my lofty mind, Contending ever with the nobler kind. Then poverty's your fate.
And be it so. Let me with soul undaunted undergo This loathsome evil, since my valiant heart In greater perils bore a manly part. But instant tell me, prophet, how to scrape Returning wealth, and pile the splendid heap. I told, and tell you : you may safely catch The wills of dotards, if you wisely watch; And though one hunks or two perceive the cheat, Avoid the hook, or nibble off the bait, Lay not aside your golden hope of prey, Or drop your heart, though baffled in your play,
m
SERMON UM LIBER ALTER
Magna minorve foro si res certabitur olim,
Yivet uter locuples sine gnatis, inprobus, ultro
Qui meliorem audax vocet in ius, illius esto
Defensor ; fama civem causaque priorem
Sperne, domi si gnatus erit fecundave comux.
' Quinte ' puta aut 'Publi' (gaudent praenomine molles
Auriculae) 1 tibi me virtus tua fecit amicum.
Ius anceps novi, causas defendere possum ;
Eripiet quivis oculos citius mihi quam te
Oontemptum cassa nuce pauperet; haec mea curast,
Nequid tu perdas neu sis iocus.' Ire domura atque
Pelliculam curare iube ; fi cognitor ipse,
Persia atque obdura: seu rubra Canicula findet
Infantes statuas, seu pingui tentus omaso
Purius hibernas cana nive conspuet A! pes.
' Nonne vides ' aiiquis cubito stantem prope tangens
Inquiet, i ut patiens, ut amicis aptus, ut aeer ? '
Plures adnabunt thunni et cetaria crescent.
Sicui praeterea validus male filius in re
Praeclara sublatus aletur, ne manifestum
Oaelibis obsequium nudet te, leniter in spem
Arrepe officiosus, uti scribare secundus
Heres et, siquis casus puerum egerit Oreo,
In vacuum venias : perraro haec alea fallit.
[Qui
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SATIRES BOOK II
Should either great or less important suit In court become the matter of dispute, Espouse the man of prosperous affairs, Pregnant with wealth, if indigent in heirs; Though he should hamper with a wicked cause The juster party, and insult the laws. Despise the citizen of better life, If clogg'd with children, or a fruitful wife. Accost him thus (for he with rapture hears A title tingling in his tender ears) : Quintus, or Publius, on my faith depend, Your own deserts have render'd me your friend : I know the mazy doubles of the laws, Untie their knots, and plead with vast applause. Had you a nut, the villain might as well Pluck out my eyes, as rob you of the shell. This is the business of my life prof est, That you lose nothing, or become a jest. Bid him go home, of his sweet self take care ; Conduct his cause, proceed, and persevere, Should the red dog-star infant statues split, Or fat-paunch'd Furius in poetic fit Bombastic howl, and, while the tempest blows, Bespawl the wintry Alps with hoary snows.
Some person then, who happens to be nigh, Shall pull your client by the sleeve, and cry, " See with what patience he pursues your ends ! Was ever man so active for his friends ? " Thus gudgeons daily shall swim in apace, And stock your fish-ponds with a fresh increase.
This lesson also well deserves your care : If any man should have a sickly heir, And large estate, lest you yourself betray By making none but bachelors your prey, With winning ease the pleasing bane instil, In hopes to stand the second in his will; Then if the boy, by some disaster hurl'd, Should take his journey to the nether world, Your name in full reversion may supply The void; for seldom fails this lucky die.
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SERMONUM LIBER ALTER
Qui testamentum tradet tibi cum que legendum, Abnuere et tabulas a te removere memento, Sic tarn en, ut limis rapias, quid prima secundo Cera velit versu ; solus multisne coheres, Yeloci percurre oculo. Plerumque recoctus Scriba ex quinqueviro corvum deludet hiantem, Cap ta torque dabit risus Nasica Corano.' 1 Num f uris ? an prudens ludis me obscura canendo ? ' ' O Laertiade, quidquid dicam, aut erit aut non : Divinare etenim magnus mihi donat Apollo.' ' Quid tamen ista velit sibi fabula, si licet, ede.* 'Tempore quo iuvenis Parthis horrendus, ab alto Demissum genus Aenea, tellure marique Magnus erit, forti nubet procera Oorano Filia Nasicae, metuentis reddere soldum. Turn gener hoc faciet: tabulas socero dabit atque Vt legat orabit ; multum Nasica negatas Accipiet tandem et tacitus leget, invenietque Nil sibi legatum praeter plorare suisque. Illud ad haec iubeo: mulier si forte dolosa Libertusve senem delirum temperet, illis Accedas socius, laudes, lauderis ut absens. Adiuvat hoc quoque, sed vincit longe prius ipsum Expugnare caput. Scribet mala carmina vecors:
128
[Laudato
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If any one desires you to peruse His will, be sure you modestly refuse, And push it from you ; but obliquely read The second clause, and quick run o'er the deed, Observing, whether, to reward your toil, You claim the whole, or must divide the spoil.
A season'd scrivener, bred in office low, Full often dupes and mocks the gaping crow. Thus foil'd Nasica shall become the sport Of old Ooranus, while he pays his court. What! are you mad, or purpos'd to propose Obscure predictions, to deride my woes? O son of great Laertes, every thing Shall come to pass, or never, as I sing ; For Phoebus, monarch of the tuneful Nine, Informs my soul, and gives me to divine. But, good Tiresias, if you please, reveal What means the sequel of that mystic tale. What time a youth, who shall sublimely trace From fam'd .ZEneas his heroic race, The Parthian's dread, triumphant shall maintain His boundless empire over land and main : Nasica, loth to reimburse his coin, His blooming daughter shall discreetly join To stout Ooranus, who shall siily smoke The harpy's aim, and turn it to a joke. The son-in-law shall gravely give the sire His witness'd will, and presently desire That he would read it : coyly he complies, And silent cons it with attentive eyes, But finds, alas ! to him and his forlorn No legacy bequeathed— except to mourn.
Add to these precepts, if a craf ty lass, Or f reed-man, manage a delirious ass, Be their ally ; their faith applaud, that you, When absent, may receive as much in lieu; JTis good to take these out-works to his pelf, But best to storm the citadel itself.
Writes he vile verses in a frantic vein ? Augment his madness, and approve the strain :
m
SERMONUM LIBER ALTER
Laudato. Seortator erit : cave te roget : ultro
Penelopam facilis potiori trade.' 'Putasne,
Perduci poterit tarn frugi tamque pudica,
Quam nequiere proci recto depellere cursu ? '
4 Venit enim magnum donandi parca iuventus
Nec tantum Veneris quantum studiosa cuiinae.
Sic tibi Penelope frugist ; quae si semel uno
De sene, gustarit tecum partita lucellum,
Vt can is a corio numquam absterrebitur uncto.
Me sene, quod dicam, factumst. Anus inproba Thebis
Ex testamento sic est elata : cadaver
Vnctum oleo largo nudis uraeris tulit heres,
Scilicet elabi si posset mortua ; credo,
Quod nimium institerat viventi. Cautus adito,
Neu desis operae, neve inmoderatus abundes.
Difficilem et morosum offendes garrulus : ultra
Non etiam sileas ; Davus sis comicus atque
Stes capite obstipo, multum similis metuenti.
Obsequio grassare; mone, si increbuit aura,
Cautus uti velet carum caput ; extrahe turba
Oppositis umeris ; aurem substringe loquaci.
Inportunus amat laudari : donee ' ohe ! ' iam
Ad caelum manibus sublatis dixerit, urgue et
Crescentem tumidis infla sermonibus utrem.
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[Cum
SATIRES BOOK II
Prevent his asking, if he loves a wench,
And let your wife his nobler passion quench*
Can you suppose, a dame so chaste, so pure,
Oould e'er be tempted to the guilty lure,
Whom all the suitors amorously strove,
In vain, to stagger in her plighted love?
The youth too sparing of their presents came ;
They lov'd the banquet, rather than the dame ;
And thus your prudent, honourable spouse,
It seems, was faithful to her nuptial vows.
But had she once indulg'd the dotard's glee,
Smack'd her old cull, and shar'd the spoil with thee,
She never after could be terrified,
Sagacious beagle, from the reeking hide.
I'll tell a tale, well worthy to be told, A fact that happen'd, and I then was old : An hag at Thebes, a wicked one no doubt, Was thus, according to her will, lugg'd out, Stiff to the pile. Upon his naked back Her heir sustain'd the well-anointed pack. She, likely, took this crotchet in her head, That she might slip, if possible, when dead, From him, who, trudging through a filthy road, Had stuck too closely to the living load.
Be cautious therefore, and advance with art, Nor sink beneath, nor over-act your part. A noisy fellow must of course offend The surly temper of a sulled friend: Yet be not mute — like Davus in the play With head inclin'd, his awful nod obey, Creep into favour : if a ruder gale Assault his face, admonish him to veil His precious pate. Oppose your shoulders, proud To disengage him from the bustling crowd. If he loves prating, hang an ear: should lust Of empty glory be the blockhead's gust, Indulge his eager appetite, and puff The growing bladder with inspiring stuff, Till he, with hands uplifted to the skies, Enough ! enough ! in glutted rapture cries,
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SERMONtJM LIBER ALTER
Cam te servitio longo curaque levarit, Et certum vigilans 'quartae sit partis Vlixes Audieris ' heres : ' ' ergo nunc Dama sodalis Nusquamst? unde mihi tarn f ortein tamque fidelem?' Sparge subinde et, si paullum potes, inlacrima; e rest Gaudia prudentem voltum celare. Sepulcrum Permissum arbitrio sine sordibus exstrue : funus Egregie factum laudet vicinia. Siquis Forte coheredum senior male tussiet, huic tu Die, ex parte tua seu fundi sive domus sit Emptor, gaudentem nummo te addicere. Sed me Imperiosa trahit Proserpina : vive valeque.*
VL
Hoc erat in votis : modus agri non ita magnus,
Hortus ubi et tecto vicinus iugis aquae fons
Et paulum silvae super bis foret. Auctius atque
Di melius fecere. Benest. Nil amplius oro,
Maia nate, nisi ut propria baec mihi munera faxis.
132
[Si
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When he shall free you from your servile fear, And tedious toil; when broad awake, you hear: *' To good Ulysses, my right trusty slave, A fourth division of my lands I leave : " Is then (as void of consolation, roar) My dearest friend, my Dama now no more ? Where shall I find another man so just, Firm in his love, and faithful to his trust ? Squeeze out some tears : 'tis fit in such a case To cloak your joys beneath a mournful face. Though left to your discretionary care, Erect a tomb magnificently fair, And let your neighbours, to proclaim abroad Your fame, the pompous funeral applaud.
If any vassal of the will-compeers, With asthma gasping, and advanc'd in years, Should be disposed to purchase house or land, Tell him that he may readily command Whatever may to your proportion come, And for the value, let him name the sum- But I am summon'd by the queen of hell Back to the shades. Live artful, and farewell.
VI.
I often wisht I had a farm, A decent dwelling snug and warm, A garden, and a spring as pure As crystal running by my door, Besides a little ancient grove, Where at my leisure I might rove.
The gracious gods, to crown my bliss, Have granted this, and more than this ; I have enough in my possessing; Tis well : I ask no greater blessing, O Hermes ! than remote from strife To have and hold them for my life. 133
SERMONUM LIBER ALTER
Si neque maiorem feci ratione mala rem, Nec sum facturus vitio culpave minorem ; Si veneror stultus nihil horum 1 o si angulus ille Proximus accedat, qui nunc denormat agellum ! O si urnam argenti fors quae mihi monstret, ut illi Thesauro invento qui inercennarius agrum Ilium ipsum mercatus aravit, dives amico Hercule ! * si, quod adest, gratum iuvat, hac prece te oro :
Pingue pecus domino facias et cetera praeter Ingenium, utque soles custos mihi maxinius adsis! Ergo ubi me in montes et in arcem ex urbe removi, Quid prius ialustreni saturis Musaque pedestri ? Nec mala me ambitio perdit nec plumbeus Auster Autumnusque gravis, Libitinae quaes tus acerbae. Matutine pater, seu lane libentius audis, Vnde homines operum primos vitaeque labores Instituunt (sic dis placitum), tu carminis esto Principium. Romae sponsorem me rapis. * Eia, Ne prior officio quisquam respondeat, urgue.' Sive Aquilo radit terrae seu bruma nivalem
134
i Inter lore
SATIRES BOOK II
If I was never known to raise My fortune by dishonest ways, Nor, like the spendthrifts of the times, Shall ever sink it by my crimes : If thus I neither pray nor ponder — Oh ! might I have that angle yonder, Which disproportions now my field, What satisfaction it would yield ! O that some lucky chance but threw A pot of silver in my view, As lately to the man, who bought The very land in which he wrought ! If I am pleas'd with my condition, O hear, and grant this last petition : Indulgent, let my cattle batten, Let all things, but my fancy, fatten, And thou continue still to guard, As thou art wont, thy suppliant bard.
Whenever therefore I retreat From Rome into my Sabine seat, By mountians fenc'd on either side, And in my castle fortified, What can I write with greater pleasure, Than satires in familiar measure ? Nor mad ambition there destroys, Nor sickly wind my health annoys ; Nor noxious autumn gives me pain, The ruthless undertaker's gain.
Whatever title please thine ear, Father of morning, Janus, hear, Since mortal men, by heaven's decree, Commence their toils, imploring thee, Directors of the busy throng, Be thou the prelude of my song.
At Rome, you press me : " Without fail A friend expects you for his bail ; Be nimble to perform your part, Lest any rival get the start, Though rapid Boreas sweep the ground, Or winter in a narrower round 135
SERMONUM LIBER ALTER
Interiore diem gyro trahit, ire necessest. Postmodo, quod mi obsit, clare certumque locuto Luctandum in turba et facienda iniuria tardis 'Quid tibi vis, insane, et quas res agis?' improbus urguet
Ira t is precibus: *tu pulses omne quod obstat, Ad Maecenatem memori si mente recurras.' Hoc iuvat et meiiist, non mentiar. At simui atras Ventumst Esquilias, aliena negotia centum Per caput et circa saliunt latus. 'Ante secundam Roscius orabat sibi adesses ad Puteal eras.' •De re comniiini scribae magna atque nova te Orabant hodie meminisses, Quinte, reverti.' 'Inprimat bis cura Maecenas signa tabellis.* Dixeris, experiar : ' si vis, potes,' addit et instat. Septimus octavo propior iam fugerit annus, Ex quo Maecenas me coepit habere suorum In numero, dumtaxat ad hoc, quern tollere raeda Veliet iter faciens et cui coucredere nugas Hoc genus : 4 Hora quotast ? ' ' Thrax est Gallina Sy ro par?*
136
['Matutina
SATIRES' BOOK £1
Contract the day, through storm and snow At all adventures you must go."
When bound beyond equivocation, Or any mental reservation, By all the ties of legal traps, And to my ruin, too, perhaps, I still must bustle through the crowd, And press the tardy ; when aloud A foul-mouth'd fellow reimburses This usage with a peal of curses. " What madness hath possest thy pate To justle folk at such a rate, When puffing through the streets you scour To meet Maecenas at an hour ? "
This pleases me, to tell the truth, And is as honey to my tooth. Yet when I reach the Esquilian Hill (That deathful scene, and gloomy still), A thousand busy cares surround me, Distract my senses, and confound me, " Roscius entreated you to meet At court to-morrow before eight — The secretaries have implor'd Your presence at their council-board — Pray, take this patent, and prevail Upon your friend to fix the seal — " Sir, I shall try — replies the man, More urgent : "If you please you can — "
'Tis more than seven years complete, It hardly wants a month of eight, Since great Maecenas' favour grac'd me, Since first among his friends he plae'd me Sometimes to carry in his chair, A mile or two, to take the air, And might entrust with idle chat, Discoursing upon this or that, As in a free familiar way, "How, tell me, Horace, goes the day? Think you the Thracian can engage The Syrian Hector of the stage? 137
SERMONUM LIBER ALTER
1 Matutina parum cautos iam frigora mordent ; 1 Et quae rimosa bene deponuntur in aure. Per totum hoc tempus subiectior in diem et horam Invidiae noster. Ludos spectaverat una, Luserat in campo : 1 Fortunae filius ? ' omnes. Frigidus a rostris manat per compita rumor : Quicumque obvius est, me consulit: *o bone, nam te Scire, deos quoniam propius contingis, oportet, Numquid de Dacis audisti?' 'Nil equidem.' ' Vt tu Semper eris derisor.' 'At omnes di exagitent me, Si quicquam.' ' Quid ? militibus promissa Triquetra Praedia Caesar an est Itala tellure daturus?' Iurantem me scire nihil mirantur, ut unum Scilicet egregium mortalem altique silenti. Perditur haec inter misero lux non sine votis: O rus, quando ego te adspiciam, quandoque iicebit Nunc veterum libris nunc somno et inertibus horis Ducere sollicitae iucunda oblivia vitae ? O quando faba Pythagorae cognata simulque Vncta satis pingui ponentur oluscula lardo ?
138
[O noctes
SATIRES BOOK II
This morning air is very bad
For folks who are but thinly clad."
Our conversation chiefly dwells On these, and such like bagatelles, As might the veriest prattler hear, Or be repos'd in leaky ear. Yet every day, and every hour, I'm more ensiav'd to envy's power. " Our son of fortune (with a pox) Sate with Maecenas in the box, Just by the stage : you might remark, They play'd together in the park."
Should any rumour, without head Or tail, about the streets be spread, Whoever meets me gravely nods, And says, "As you approach the gods, It is no mystery to you, What do the Dacians mean to do ? " Indeed I know not— "How you joke, And love to sneer at simple folk ! " Their vengeance seize this head of mine, If I have heard or can divine — ■ "Yet, prithee, where are Caesar's bands Allotted their debenture-lands?" Although I swear I know no more Of that than what they ask'd before, They stand amaz'd, and think me grown The closest mortal ever known.
Thus, in this giddy, busy maze I lose the sun-shine of my days, And oft, with fervent wish repeat — "When shall I see my sweet retreat? Oh! when with books of sages deep, Sequestered ease, and gentle sieep, In sweet oblivion, blissful balm! The busy cares of life becalm ? Oh ! when shall I enrich my veins, Spite of Pythagoras, with beans ? Or live luxurious in my cottage, On bacon ham and savoury pottage? 139
SERMONUM LIBER ALTER
O noctes cenaeque deum, quibus ipse meique
Ante Larem proprium vescor vernasque procaces
Pasco libatis dapibus. Prout cuique libidost,
Siccat inaequales calices conviva solutus
Legibus insanis, sen quis capit acria fortis
Pocula sen modicis uvescit laetius. Ergo
Sermo oritur, non de villis domibusve alienis,
Nec male necne Lepos saltet ; sed, quod magis ad nos
Pertinet et nescire malumst, agitamus, utrumne
Divitiis homines an sint virtute beati ;
Quidve ad amicitias, usus rectumne, trahat nos ;
Et quae sit natura boni summumque quid eius.
Cervius haec inter vicinus garrit aniles
Ex re fabellas. Si quis nam laudat Arelli
Sollicitas ignarus opes, sic incipit : ' olim
Rusticus urbanum murem mus paupere fertur
Accepisse cavo, veterem vetus hospes amicum,
Asper et attentus quaesitis, ut tamen artum
Solverit hospitiis animum. Quid multa ? neque ille
Sepositi ciceris nec longae invidit avenae,
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[Aridum
SATIRES BOOK II
O joyous nights ! delicious feasts ! At which the gods might be my guests/' My friends and I regal'd, my slaves Enjoy what their rich master leaves. There every guest may drink and fill, As much, or little, as he will, Excepted from the bed lam -rules Of roaring prodigals and fools : Whether, in merry mood or whim, He fills his bumper to the brim, Or, better pleas'd to let it pass, Grows mellow with a moderate glass.
Nor this man's house, nor that's estate. Becomes the subject of debate ; Nor whether Lepos, the buffoon, Can dance, or not, a rigadoon ; But what concerns us more, I trow, And were a scandal not to know ; Whether our bliss consist in store Of riches, or in virtue's lore : Whether esteem, or private ends, Should guide us in the choice of friends : Or what, if rightly understood, Man's real bliss, and sovereign good.
While thus we spend the social night, Still mixing profit with delight, My neighbour Cervius never fails To club his part in pithy tales : Suppose, Arellius, one should praise Your anxious opulence : he says —
A country mouse, as authors tell, Of old invited to his cell A city mouse, and with his best Would entertain the courtly guest. Thrifty he was, and full of cares To make the most of his affairs, Yet in the midst of this frugality Would give a loose to hospitality. In short, he goes, and freely fetches Whole ears of hoarded oats, and vetches ;
SERMONUM LIBER ALTER
Aridum et ore ferens acinum semesaque lardi
Frusta dedit, cupiens varia fastidia cena
Vincere tangentis male singula dente superbo ;
Cum pater ipse domus palea porrectus in horna
Esset ador loliumque, dapis meliora relinquens.
Tandem urbanus ad hunc * quid te iuvat ' inquit, ' amice,
Praerupti nemoris patientem vivere dorso ?
Vis tu homines urbemque feris praeponere silvis ?
Carpe viam, mihi crede, comes, terrestria quando
Mortales animas vivunt sortita, neque ullast
Aut magno aut parvo leti fuga : quo, bone circa,
Dum licet, in rebus iucundis vive beatus,
Vive memor, quam sis aevi brevis.' Haec ubi dicta
Agrestem pepulere, domo levis exsilit ; inde
Ambo propositum peragunt iter, urbis aventes
Moenia nocturni subrepere. Iamque tenebat
Nox medium caeli spatium, cum ponit uterque
In locuplete domo vestigia, rubro ubi cocco
Tincta