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in 2016

https://archive.org/details/chastmaydincheapOOmidd

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CHASTMAYD

f* c

CHEAPE-SIDE.

Plcafant conceited Comedy

neuer before printed.

As it bath beene often adted at the .

Swan on the Banke-iide,by the
Lady E l i z a b s t h her

Sem&ntu

By Thom as Mid elton Gent.

• ' (a

LONDON,

Printed for Francis Conftable dwelling at the
iigne of the Crane in {TauU
Church-yard,

16$0,

The Names of the principal!

Terfons.

Mr Yl I L O WH A M M E R , ^ Gold-S mitk

Mavdline yHufVife,

Tim, 7 heir Sonne.

Mo l t , Their ‘Danghter.

Tv tor to Tim.

S' Walter Whorehovnd, ASutertolJlott.
SrOLiVERKixE,and his Wife, KintoS* Walt.
MtAllwit, and his W ife, Whom Sr Walt, keepes.
Welch Gentlewoman, Sr W alt. tvhwe.

Wat and N i c k e , Hie Baftards.

Davy Dahvmma,Hm A/4».

Tv c hwood S e n i or , and his W ife, A decayed (jentlem*/**
Tv c hwood Iv nior, Another S/tter Moll.

2 Promoters.

Servants.

Watermen.

A Chafl Mayd in

Cheape-fide.

ABus Primus.

Enter AdaudUne And AMI, a Shop being dijbonersd.

(JMcwdline,

Aue you playd ouer all your old LeiFons o’ the
Virginals? « y

tJMoll, Yes.

c JWaitdl. Yes, you are a dull Mayd alate,
me thinkes you had need haue fomewhat to
quicken your Greene Sickneffc,doe you weepe ? A Hut
band. Had not fucka pcece of Flefh been ordayned,what
had vs W lues been good for ? To make Sallets,or- elfe cryd
vp and downe for Sampier. To fee the difference of thefe
Seafons, when I was of your youth, I was lightfotne,and
quicke, two yeeres before I was married. You fit for a
Knights bed, drowfiebrowd, dull eyed, droffiefprited,
I hold my life you haue forgot your Dauncing: When
was the Dauncer with you ?

'3

LMoll,

Z \A Chaft Mayd in Cbeape-Jtde,

(JIM/. The laft weeke.

(JMaudl. Laft weeke , when I was of your bord, he
jnift me not a night, I was kept at it, 1 tooke delight to
learne,and he to teach me,pnttie browne Gentleman, he
tooke pleafure in my company,, but you are dull, nothing
comes nimbly from you, you daunce like a Plummers
Daughter, and deferue two thoufand pound in Lead to
your marriage, and not in Gold-Smithes Ware.

Enter Tellow-hamntar.

Tel, l. Nowr what’s the din betwixt Mother and Daugh-
ter, ha?

tJMaudl. Faith fmall, telling your Daughter Mary oi
her Errors.

Tell. Errors, nay the Citie cannot hold you Wife, but
you muft needs fetch words from- Weftminfter, I ha done
I faith, has no Atturneys Clarke beene here a late, and
changed hisHalfe-Crowne-peece his Mother lent him, or
rather cozcnd you with a guilded Two-pence, to bring the
word in fafhion, for her faults or crackes, in dutie and
obedience, terme em eeue fo fweet Wife. As there is no
Woman made without a Flaw, your pureft Lawnes haue
Frayes,.and Cambrickes Brackes..

CMaudl. But ’tis a Husband fowders vp all Crackes.

(Moll. W hat is he come Sir ?■

Tell. V Walt e\ s come.

He was met at Holbourne Bridge, arid in his company,
a proper faire young Gentlewoman, which 1 gueifle
by her red Havre,. and other rankc deferiptiens,.
to be his landed Neece, brought out of Wales,,
which Tim our Sonne (the Cambridge Boy ) muft marry.
’Tis a match of Sr Walters owne making
to bind vs to him, and our Hcircs for euer.

(Mattel. We are honord then,if this Baggage would be
humble, and kifle him with dcuotion when he enters.

I cannot get her for my life

J( Chafi Mayd in Cheapen ftde. s»

to itiftruft her Hand thus, before and after,
which a Knight will Iooke for , before and after.

I baue told her ftill/tis the waning of a Woman
dofc often moue a Man, and preuailes ftrongly.

But fvveet, ha you font to Cambridge,

( has Tim word an’t ? )

Yell. Had word iuft the day after when you fent himthe
Siluer Spoone to eat his Broath in the.Hall, amongft the
Gentlemen Commoners.

< Jllaudl '. O ’twas timely.

Enter Porter .

Yell. How now ?

Tort. A Letter from a Gentleman in Cambridge.

Yell. O one of Hobfons Porters, thou art well-come,
I told ihee Mmd we fhould heare from Tim. oAmantijfi-
mii char ijjimify ambobus parent thus patri (Ymatri.

(JVtaudl. W hat’s the matter ?

Yell. Nay by my troth, l know not, aske not me,
lie’s growne too verball,thi$ Learning is a great Witch.

Maui. Pray let me fee it,I was wont to vnderftand him.
i/fmantiffimuscharijfimus, he has lent the Carryers Man
he fayes : ambobus par enables, for a pairc ©f Boots :
patri & matri, pay the Porter, or it makes no matter.

Tort. Yes by my faith Miftris, there’s no true conftru-
&ion in that,I haue tooke a great deale of paines, and come
from the Bell fweating. Let me come to’te, for I was a
Schollar forty yeersago, ’tisthusl warrant you : Matri, it
makes no matter \ ambobus parentibus,£or a paire of Boots :
patri, pay the Porter : amamjfmis cbanjjtmts, he’s the Car-
ryers Man, and his name is Sims, and there he fayes true,
forfooth my name is Sims indeed, I haue not forgot all my
learning. A Money matter, I thought I fhould hit on’t.

Yell. Goethou art an old Fox, thcr’sa Tefter forthee.

Tort. If I fee your Worfhip at Goofe Faire, I haue a
Difh of Birds for you.

*2 a Tell.

4 */f Chaft Mayd in Cbeape-fide.

Till . Whydoft dwell at Bow?

All my life time Sir I could euer fay Bo, to a
Goofe. Farewell to your Werftiip. j Exit 'Porter,

Tell. A merry Porter.

O Maudl. How can he choofe but be fo , commlng with
Cambridge Letters from our Sonne Ttm ?

Tell. What’s her <t>maxi»nu dtligo , Faith I mnft to my
learned Counfell with this geere, ’twill nere be difeernd
elfe.

dfandl. Goe to my Coufen then, at Inues of Court.

Tell. Fye they are all for French, they fpeake no Latine-

c JMdudl. The Parfon then will doe it.

Enter a Gentleman with a Chayne.

Tell. Nay he difelaimes it,calles Latine Papiftry,he will
not deale with it. What ift youlacke Gentleman ?

Gent . Pray weigh this Chayne.

Enter Sir Walter TVhorehomd, Welch gentlewoman,
and (Eatij 'Dahanna.

S.fValt. Now W ench thou ait well-come to the Heart
of the Citie of London.

W.Gent. Dugatawhee.

S.TValt. You can thank e me in Englifh if you lift.

W.Gent. I can Sir (imply.

S .Walt. ’Twill ferue to pafle Wench, Twas ftrange that
I fhould lye with thee fo often, to leaue thee without En-
gUfo,that were vnnaturali,I bring thee vp to turne thee
into Gold Wench, and make thy fortune fliine like your
bright Trade, a Gold-Smithes Shop fetsoutaCitie Mayd.
<Bauy <T>ahanna, not a word.

*Dau. Mum, mum Sir.

S.Walt. Here you mu ft pafte for a pure V irgine.

tDaa. Pure W elch Virgine, foe loft her Maydenhead'in
Brekenocke-Shire.

S.Wah.

\4 Chafi Mayd in Cbeapefide 5

S.Walt. I hcare you mumble *Dauj.

'D**. I haue Teeth Sir, 1 need not mumble yet this forty
yeeres.

S.Walt. The Knaue bites plaguely.

Tt ill. W hat’s your price Sir ?

Gent. A hundred pound Sir.

Tell. A hundred markes the vttnoft/tis not forme elfe.
What Sr Walter Whorehound!

CMoll. O Death. Exit Moll.

tMaud. Why Daughter.

Faith the Baggage

a baihfuUGirle Sir,thefe young things are fhameftft,
befides you haue a prefence fweet Sr Walter,
able to daunt a Mayd brought vp i’ the Citic,

Enter (Mary.

A braue Court Spirit makes our V irgines quiuer,
and kiflfe with trembling Thighes. Yet fee fiie comes Sir.

S.Walt. Why how now prettie Miftris, now I haue
caught you. What can you iniure fo your time to flrey thus
from your faithfollSeruant.

f' Tell. Pifhj flop your words good Knight, ’twill make
her blufh elfe, which wound to high for the Daughters of
the Freedome, honor, and faithfollSeruant, they arc com-
plements for the Worthy’s of Whitehall,or Greenwitch,
eene plaine, fiuficient,fubfidy words ferues vs Sir. And is-
this Gentlew oman your worthy Neece %

S. IT alt. Y ou may be bold with her on thefe termes, ’tis
ihe Sir, Heire to fome nineteene Mountaines.

Tell. Blefle vs all, you ouer-whelme me Sir with Ieuo
and riches.

S.Walt. And all as high $s Pauls.

Dau. Here’s worke I faith.

S.Walt. How fayefl thou Ttauyl
T>au. Higher Sir by farre, you cannot fee the top of
*cm.

Tell. What Man ? Maudline falute this Gentlewoman,
our Daughter if things hit right.

Enter

6 A Chafl Moyd in Ckeape-fide.

Sitter Tuckwood l mitr.

T.I. My Knight with a brace of Footmen,
is come and brought vp his Ewe Mutton,
to find a Ram at London, I muft haften it,
or elfe picke a Famine, her Bloods mine,
and that’s the fureft. Well Knighr, that choyfe fpoy
is onely kept for me.

Ctooll. Sir ?

T.I. Turne not to me till thou mayft lawfully, it but
whets my ft omacke, which is too fharpe fet already. Read
that note carefully ,keepe me fromfufpition ftill, nor know
my zeale but in thy Heart : read and fend but thy liking in
three words, l*le be at hand to take it.

Tell. O turne Sir, turne.

A poore plaineBoy, an Vniuerfitie Man,
proceeds next Lent to a Batcheler of Art,
he will be call’d Sr Tellowhammer then
euer all Cambridge, and that’s halfe aKnight.

LMattdl. Pleafe you draw neere, and taft the well-come^
of the Citie Sir ?

Tell. Come good Sr Walter, and your vertuousNeece
here.

S.W(tIt . ’Tis manners to take kindnefle.

Tell. Lead ’em in Wife.

S. Walt. Y our company Sir.

Tell. lie giue’ttyou inftantly. .

T. I. How ftrangely bufie is the Diuell and riches,

Poore Soule kept in too hard, her Mothers Eye,
iscruell toward her, being to him,

’twere a good mirth now to fet him a worke
to make her wedd ing R ing. I muft about it.

Rather then the gaine fhould ft 11 to a Stranger,

’twas honeftie in me to enrich my Father.

Tell. The Girle is wondrous peuifh,! feare nothing,
but that foe’s taken with fopie other loue,

then

JfChaft Mayd in Cbeape-jidt. '1 7

then all 's quite daflit, that muft be narrowly lookt to,
we cannot be too wary in our Children. W hat ift you lack ?

T. I. O nothing no all that I wifh is pnefent.

I would haue a wedding Ring made for a Gentlewoman, '
with all fpeed that may be.

Yell. Of what weight Sir?

T.I. Of fome halfe ounce,

Hand faire and comely, with the Sparke of a Diamond,

Sir ’twere pittie to lofe the leaft grace.

Tell. Pray let’s fee it, indeed Sir *tis a pure one.

T.I. So is the Miftris.

Yell. Haue you the wideneffe of her Finger Sir ?

T. 1. Y es fure I thinke I haue her meafure about me,
good faith ’tis downe, I cannot rtiow’t you,

I muft pull too many things out to becertaine.

Let me fee, iong,and flender, and neatly ioynted,

Iuft iuch another Gentlewoman that’s your Daughter Sir.
Yell. And therefore Sir no Gentlewoman.

T.I. I proteftl neuer fa w two Maids handed morealike
I’le nere feeke farther, if you’ie glue me leaue Sir.

Yell. If you dare venture by her Finger Sir.-
T I. I, and I’le bide all Ioffe Sir.

Yell. Say you fo Sir, let’s fee hcther Girle.

T.I. Shall I make bold with your finger Gentlewoman?
lMoU. Your pleafure Sir.

T.I. That fits her to a haire Sir.

Yell. W hat’s your Pofie now Sir ?

T.I. Made that’s true, Pofie I faith eene thusSir.

Lone that’s wife, blinds Parents Eyes.

Yell. How, how, If I may fpeake without offence Sir,

I hold my life T. /. W hat Sir ?

Yell. Goe too, you’le pardon me ?

T.I. Pardon you? I Sir.

Yell. Will you I faith?

T.I. Yes faith I will. (you?

Yell. You’le ftealeaway fome Mans Daughter, ami nere
Doe you turns afide ? You Gentlemen arc mad Wags,!

wonder

$ &4 Cbafl Mayd in Cheajx-fidp*

wonder things can be fo warily carried,
and Parents blinded lb, but the’re ferued right
that haue two Eyes, and were fo dull a light.

TJ. Thy doome take hold of thee,

T ?//. To morrow noone fhall fiievv your Ring well done,
T.l. Beihg fo ’tisfoone, thankes,and your Teaue fweet
Gentlewoman. Sxit„

lMoIL Siryou are well-come.

0 were I made of wilhes,I went with thee.

Tell. Come now we’le fee ho w the rules goe within .
CMell. That robs my Ioy, there I loofe all I win. Gxit*

Enter Bakj And All-wit fetter ally.

fDnu. Honeftie wafh my Eyes, I haue fpy'd a Witall.
•All. What Batty Dahanm, weM-come from North

1 faith ,and is ST tv alter come ? ( W ales

fDau. New come to TowneSir.

« All. Into the Mayds fweet Batty, and giue order his
Chamber be made ready inftantly, my Wife’s as great as
/he can wallow 'Dauy, and longs for nothing but pickled
Concombers,and his comtning,and now foe /hall ha’te
Boy. 0

„ ‘Dau. She’s fore of them Sir.

Ail. Thy verie fight will hold my W ife in pleafure,
till the Knight come himfelfe. Go in,in,in Bahj. Exit .

The Founderscome toTowne, lam like a Man
finding a Table furnifh’t to his hand,
as mine is foil to me, prayes for the Founder,
blefle the right Wor/hipfull, the good Founders life.

I thanke him, h’as maintain’d my Houfe this ten yeeress

not onely keepes my W ife, but a keepes me,

and all my Family, I am at his Table,

he gets me all my Children, and payes the Nurfe,

monthly, or wtekely, puts me to nothing,

rent, nor Chnrch duties, not fo much as the Scauenger,

the happieft Rate that euer Man w as borne to.

9

A Chajl Mayd in Cheape~Jtde%

3 walke out in a morning, come to break e-fafl.

Find excellent Cheere, a good Fier in W inter,

Lookc in my Coale-houle about Midfommer-eeue,
That’s full. Hue or fixe Chaldorne, new layd vp,
Looke in my backe yeard,I {hall find a ftceple
Made vp with Kentifh Fagots, which o’re-Iookcs
The Water-Houfeand the W ind-millts, I (ay nothing
But fmile, and pin the doore, when lhe lyes in,

As now {he’s euen vpon the point of grunting,

A Lady lyes not in like her, there's her imbofling#,
Embrodrings,fpanglings,and I know not what.

As if {he lay with all the gaudy Shops
In (/rejfamx-ftin ffe about her, then her relloratiues.

Able to fet vp a young Pothecarie,

And richly ftocke, the Foreman of a Drug-fhop.

Her S ugar by whole Loaues, her Wines by Rundiets.

I fee thefe things, but like a happy Man,

I pay for none at all, yet Fooles think's mine,

I hauethe name^and in his Gold I Ihine.

And where fome Merchants would in Soule kifie Hell,
To buy a Paradice for their W iues, and dye
Their Confcience in the Bloods of prodigallHeires,
To decke their Night-peece,.yet all this being done.
Eaten with iedoufie to the inmoft Bone,

As what affliction Nature moreconftraynes.

Then feed the W ifo p1 umpe,for anothers veynes.

Thefe torments ftand I freed of, I am as cleere
From iealoufie of a Wife, as from the charge.

0 two miraculous bleffings, ’tis the Knight
Hath tooke that labour, all out of my hands,

1 may fit fiill and play, he’s iealoufe for me.

Watches her fteps, fets fpyes, I liue at eafe.

He has both the coif and torment, when the firings
Of his Heart freats, ! foed ^ laugh, or ling,

La dildo, dildo la di/do, la dtldo dildo de dildo.

C

Sam1

io Cbafk Mayd in Cbeape-fide.

£nttr twoS truants.

1 W hat has he got a finging in his Head nov >

2 Now’s out of worke he failes to making Dildo's.
tsfll. Now Sirs,ST Walters come*

3 Is our Mailer come ?

zstll. Y our Mailer, v\ hat am I ?
i Doe not you know Sir ?
isM. Pray am not I your Mailer ?
i O you are but our Miilreiles Husband ,

Enter Sir Walter, and ‘Dauy

osfll. Ergo Knaue,your Mailer.

I 2{jgatur argumentum. Here comes & Walter, now fi
ftandsbareasweii as we, make the moil of him he’s but
one peepe aboue a Seruingman, and io much his Hornes
make him.

S.Walt. How doft l ache f

tsdll. Proud ol your Worfhips health Sir*

S.Walt . How does your W ife ?

%All. Eene after your owne making Sir,

She’s a tumbler a faith, the Noie and Belly meets.

S.Walt. The’ile part in time againe.

<tAll. At the good houre,they w ill and pleafe your wor-
ftiip.

S Walt. Here Sirra,pull off my Boots. Put on, but on
lac he.

tsfll. I thanke your kind worihip Sir.

S.Walt. Slippers, Heart y ouare flcepy.

All. The game beginsalready.

S.Walt. Pilh.put on lathe.

Alt. Now 1 mail doe it. or he’le be as angry now, as if
I had put it on at firit bidding, ’tis but obferuing, ’tis but
©bferuing a Mans humour once, and he may ha’ him by the
Noie ail hislife.

S.Wak

\A Cbajl Mayd in Cbeapc-fide. a &

S. Walt. W hat entertainment has lay ne open here.

No ftrangers in my abfence 1

r Sent. Sure Sir not any.

All. H is iealoufie begins,am not I happy now
That can laugh inward whil’ft his Marrow melts ?

S.Walt. How doe you latisfie me ?

i Ser. Good Sir be patient.

S.Walt. For two months abfence Fie be fatisfied.

i Ser. No lining Creature entred.

S.Walt. Entred, come fweare.

I Ser. Y ou will not heare me out Sir.

S.Walt. Y es I'le heare’t out Sir.

t Sera. Sir he can tell himfelfe.

Swalt. Heart he can tell.

Doe you thinke I’le truft him ? As a V furer
With forfeited Lordfhips. Him, 6 monfterous iniury *
Beleeue him, can the Diuell fpeake ill of Darkenefle ?
What can you fay Sir?

All. Or my foule and confcience Sir, /he’s a Wife as
honeft of her Body to me, as any Lords proud Lady can
be.

S. W. alt. Yet by your Ieaue,l heard you were once offring
to goe to bed to her.

All. No I protefl Sir.

S.fValt. Heart if you doe, 'you fhall take all, Flc marry ®

AH. O I befeech you Sir,

SJValt. That wakes theSlaue,and keepes his Flefh in
awe.

All. I’le flop that gap
Where c’re I find it open, I hauepoyfoned
His hopes in marriage already,

Someoldrich Widdowes,andfome landed Virgines,

Eater two Children.

And Fie fall to worke ftill before Pie lofe him.

He's yet too fweet to part from .

c j s

12 Chaft Mayd in Cheape-fide.

i rBey. God-den Father.

All. Ha Villaine, peace.

a TSsj. God-den Father.

All. Peace Ballard, fhould he beare ’em. Thefearetwo
foolilh Children, they doe not know the Gentleman that
fits there.

S.Walt. Oh Wat, how doft Nicke ? Goe to Schoole,
Ply your Bookcs Boyes, ha ?

All. Where’s your Legges Whore Ions? They Ihould
kneele indeed if they couid fay their Prayers.

S.Walt. Let me lee, ftay.

How {hall I difpofe of thefe two Brats now
When I am ma\ ried, for they muft not mingle
Among!! my Children that I get in Wediocke,

’Twill make foule worke that, and rayfe many ftormes
Pie bind Wat Prentice to a Goldfmith,my Father Tellowh «.
As fitascan be.A7/o^withfome Vintner, good, Goldfmith
And V intner,there will be Wine in Boles I faith.

Enter Allwits Wife.

Wife. Sweet Knight

Welcome, I haueail my longings now in Towne,.

Now well-come the good houre.

S.Walt. Howcheeresmy Miftris?

Wtfe. Made lightfome,eene by him that made me heauy..

S.Walt. Me thinkes fhe {hewes gallantly, like a Moone
at fall Sir.

AH. True, and if fire beare a Male child, there’s the Man
in the Moone Sir.

S. Walt. ’Tis but the Boy in the Moone yet Goodman
Calfe.

All. There was a Man, the Boy had neucr beene there
elfe.

S.Walt. It /hall be yours Sir.

All. No by my troth. Fie fweare it’s none of mine, let
him that gotitkeepe it, thus doe I rid my lclfe of feare.
Lye foft, fleepe hard, drinke Wine, and eat good cheere.

Attm

jfChaft Mayd in Cbeapc-Jide .

13

AEIhs Sccmdus.

Enter Tuchrvood Senior , and bis Wife.

wife. ’Twill be fo tedious Sir to liue from you.

But that neceflitie mud be obeyed.

T.S. I would it might not Wife, the tedioufnefle
Will be the mod part mine, that vnderftand
The bleflings I haue in thee, fo to part
Thatdriues the torment to a knowing Heart,

But as thou fay ’ft, we muftgiue way to need

And liue awhile afunder, our defires

Are both too fruitfull for our barren fortunes.

How aduersruns the defteny of fome Creatures,

Some onely can get riches and no Children,

We onely can get Children and no riches,

Then’tis the prudentspart tocheckeour willes.

And till our ftate rife, make our Bloods lye ftilL
’Life euerie yeere a Child , and fome yeeres two,

Befides, drinkings abroad, that’s ncuer reck on’d.

This geere will not hold out. ( Houle

Wife. Sir for a time, Tie take the curtefie of my V nkles
If you be pleas’d to like on’r, tillprofperitie
Lobke with a friendly Eye vpon our ftates.

T. S. Honeft Wife I thanke thee, I ne’re knew
The perfed treafure thou brought’ft with thee more
Then atthisinftant minute. A Man’s happy
W hen he’s at pooreft that has match'c liis Soule
As rightly as his Body. Had I married
A fenfuall Foole now, as ’tis hard to fcape it
’Mongft Gentlewomen of our time, fhe would ha’ hang'd
About my Necke, and neuer left her hold
Till fhe had kift me into wanton bufineiTes,

W hich at the waking of my better Iudgemcnt

C | E

1 4 Chajl Mayd in Cbeape-fiite.

I (hould haue curil tnoft bitterly.

And layd a thicker vengance on my aft
Then milerie of the Birth, which were enough
If it were borne to greatnefle, whereas mine
Is fure of beggerie, though it were got in W inc.

FulnefTe of loy fheweth the goodnefle in thee.

Thou art a matchlefle Wife, Farwell my Ioy.

Wife. I fhall not want your fight ?

T.S . 1 ’le fee thee often,

Talke in mirth, and play at kifles with thee.

Any thing Wench but what may beget Beggers,

There I giue o’re the Set, throw downe the Cards,

And dare not take them vp.

Wife. Your will be mine Sir. Exit.

T.S . Thisdoes not onely make her honeftie perfect,
But her difcretion,and approues her Iudgement.

Had her defire beenc wanton, they’d beene blamelefle
In being lawfulleuer, but of all Creatures
I hold that Wife a moft vnmatched treafure.

That can vnto her fortunes fixe her pleafure.

And not vnto her Blood, this is like wedlocke.

The feaft of marriage is not Luft but Loue,

And care of the eftate,when I pleafe Blood,

Meerely I fing, and fucke out others,then

’Tismany a wifemans fault, but of all Men

I am the tnoft vnfortunate in that game

That euer pleas’d both Genders,! neVe play’d yet

Vnder a Bafiard, the poore Wenches curfle me

To the Pit where e’re I come, they were ne’re ferued fo.

But vs’d to haue more word s then one to a bargain©,

I haue fuch a fatall Finger in fuch bufinefle
I muft forth with’t,chiefely for Countrey Wenches,

For cuerie Haruefl I fhall hinder Hay-making,

Enter a Wench with 4 Child.

I had no Iefle then feuen lay in laft Progrefle,

Within three weekes of one another time*

Wench

*5

A Chaft Mayd in Cheape fide.

Wench. O Snaphance, haue I found you.

T.S. How Snaphance ?

Wench. Doe you fee your workemanfhip.

Nay turne not from it, nor offer to efcape,for if you doe,
I’le cry ic through the Streets, and follow you.

Yeur name may well be called Tuchwood, a Pox on you,
You doe but touch and take, thou haft vndone me,

I was a Mayd before, T can bring a Certificate for it.

From both the Church- Wardens.

T.S. I’le haua the Parlous Hand too, or Fie not yeeld
to’t.

Wench. Thou fhalt haue more thouVillaine, nothing
grieuesme,but Sllen my poore coufen in Darbifhiere,th©ti
haft crack’t her marriage quite, fhe’le haue a bout with
thee.

T.S. Faith when fhe will lie haue a bout with her.

Wench. A Law bout Sir I meane.

T.S. True, Lawyers vfe fitch bouts as other Men doe.
And if that be all thy griefe, Fie tender her a Husband,

I keepe of purpofe two or three Gulls in pickle
To eat fuch Mutten with, and fhe fhali chufe one.

Doe but in courtefie faith Wench excufe me.

Of this halfeyeard of Flefh,in which I thinke it wants
A Nayle or two.

Wench. No, thou fhalt find Villaine
It hath right fhape, and all the Nayles it fhould haue.

T.S. Faith I am poore, doe a charitable deed Wencf?,

I am a younger Brother, and haue nothing.

Wench. N othing,thou haft too much thou lying villaine
Vnlefle thou wert more thankefull.

T.S. I haue no dwelling,

I brake vp Houfe but this morning, Pray theepittie me,
lama good Fellow, faith haue beene too kind
To people of yourGcnder,if Iha’te
W ithout my Belly, none of your Sexe fhali want it,

Thar word has beene of force to moue a Woman.

There’s trickcs enough to rid thy Hand on’t Wench,

Seme

/

1 6 a A Cbajl Mayd in Cheape-fide*

Some rich-mans Porch, to morrow before day.

Or cite anone i’the euening, twentiedeuifes,

Here's all I haue, I faith, take purfe and ail.

And would I were rid of ail the Ware i’che Shop fo.

(Tenth. Where I find manly dealings I am pitifull,

T his fliall not trouble you.

T.S. And I proteft Wench, the next lie kecpe my

felfe.

Wench. Soft, let it be got firfl.

T his is the fifth, if e’re I venture more (Exit.

W here I now goe for a Mayd, may I ride for a Whore.

T.S. what Ihiftfhele make now with this peece of flefh
In this ftri<fl time of Lent,I cannot imagine,

Flefh dare not peepe abroad now,I haue knowne
This Citie now abcue this feuen yeers,

But I proteft in better ftate of gouernement,

I neuer knew it yet, nor euer heard of.

There has beene more religious wholefome Lawes

In the hal fe cirkle of a yeere ereffed

Tor common good, then memorie euer knew of.

Enter Sir O litter Kix, and his Lady.

Setting apart corruption of Promoters,

And other poyfonous Officers that infeft
And with a venenaous breath taint euerie goodnefTe.

Lady. O that e’re I was begot, or bred ,or borne.

S. Ol. Be content fweet W ife.

T. S. What’s here to doe now ?

I hold my life fhe’s in deepe paflion

For the imprifonment of V eale and Mutton

Now kept in Garets, weepes for fome Calues Head now.

Me thinkes her HusbandsHead might feruc with Bacon.

EnterTuchtood / wrier n

Lady. Hift,

S.OUfter

Cbaft Mayd in Cbeape-fide. ij

S. Ol. Patience Tweet Wife.]

T. I. Brother I haue fought you ftrangely .

T.S. Why what’s the buiinefle ?

T.I. With all Ipecd thou canft procure a Licence for

•me.

T.S. How, a Licence ?

T. I. Cuds-foot (he’s loft elfe, I fhall mifle her euer.
T.S. Nay lure thou (halt not mifle fo faire a marke.

For thirteene (hillings fbure pence,

T.I. Thatlkes by hundreds. Exit*

S.Ol. Nay pray thee ceafe, I’le be at more coft yet.
Thou know ’ft we are rich enough.

Lady, All but in bleflings,

And there the Begger goes beyond vs. 0,6,6,

To be feuen yecres a Wife and not a Child, 6 not a Child.

S. Ol. S weet W ife haue patience.

Lady. Canany Woman haue a greater cut?

S.Ol. I know ’cis great, but what of that W ife?

I cannot doe with all, there’s things making
By thine owne Doctors aduicc at Poticaries,

1 fpare for nothing Wife, no if the price
Werefbrtie markesafpoone-full,

Tde giue a thoufand pound to purchafe ffuitfulneflc,

’Tis but bating fo many good workes

In the erc&ing of Bride wels and Spittle-houfes,

And fo fetch it vp againe,for hauiag none
I meane to make good deeds my Children.

Lady. Giue me but thofe good deeds, and Tie find
Children.

S.Ol. Hang thee, thou haft had too many.

Lady. Thou ly’ft breuitie.

S.Ol. O horrible, dar’ft thou call me breuitie ?

Dar’ft thou be fo fhort with me ?

Lady. Thoudeferueft worfe.

Thinke but vpon the goodly Lands andLiuings
That’s Kept backe through want on t.

S.OL f alke not on’t pray thee,

D

Thou’It

lS Chajl Mayd in Che ape- fide.

Thou’ltmake me play the Woman,and weepe too.

Lady. ’ f is our dry barrenneffe puffes vp Sr Walter ,
None gets by your not-getting, but that Knight,

He’s made by th’ meanes, and fats his fortunes, fhortly
In a great Dowry with a Gold-Smiths Daughter.

S.Ol. T hey may be all deceiued ,

Be but you patient Wife.

Lady. I haue fuffrcd a long time.

S.Ol Suffer thy Heart out, a Poxe fuffer thee.

Lady. Nay thee, thou defertldfe Slaue.

S.Ol. Come, come, I ha’ done,

You-le to theGoffiping of Mr d Units Child ?

Lady. Yes, to my much ioy,

Euerie one gets before me, there’s my Sifter
. Was married but at Barthoimew-eeue laft.

And fhe can haue two Children at a birth,

Q one of them, one of them would ha’leru’d my turne.

S.Ol. Sorrow confume thee, thou art ftiil crofling me.
And know’ft my nature.

Enter a Mayd.

LMayd. O Miftris, weeping or ray ling,

That’s our Houfe harmony.

Lady What fay’ft Ingg ?

CMayd. The fweetefl newes.

Lady. What ift Wench?

tJMayd. T hrow downe your Dodtors Drugget,
They’re all but Heretikes, I bring cerraine remedy
That has beene taught, and proued,and neuer fayl’d.

S.Ol. O that, that, that or nothing.

UHayd. T here’s a Gentleman ,

I haply haue his Name too, that has got
Nine Children by one Water that he vfeth, -
It neuer miffes, they come fo fall vpon him,

He wasfaineto giue itoucr.

Lady, H is name fweet / ugg ?

jiChajl Mayd in Cheapc jtde .

tJMayd. One MT Tucbrvocd, a fine Gentleman,

But run behind-hand much with getting Children.

S.Ol. Iftpoflible?

(JMayd. W hy Sir ,he’Ie vndertake,

Vfing that Water , within fifteene yeere.

For all your wealth, to make you a poorc Man,

Y ou fhail fo fwarme with Children.

S.Ol I’le venture that I faith.

Lady. That fhail you Husband.

tJIlayd. But I mud tell you firft, he’s very deerc.

S.Ol. No matter, what femes wealth for ?

Lady. True fweet Husband,

There’s Land to come. Put cafe his Water ftands me
In fome fiue hundred pound a pint,

’Twill fetch a thoufand, and a Kerften Soule«

I’le about it.

And that’s worth all fweet Husband. Exk..

Enter Afi-wito

*sill. I’ie goe bid Goffips prefently my felfe.

That’s all the worke Tie doe, nor need I ftirre.

But that it is my pleafure to walke forth
And ayre my felfe a little, I amty’d to nothing
In this bafineffe, what I doe is meerely recreation.

Not coaftraint.

Here’s running to and fro, Nurfc vpon Nurfe,

T hree Chare women, befides maid s & neighbors children
Fye, what a trouble haue I rid my Hands on.

It makes me fweat to thinke on’t.

Enter Sir Walter Whorehomd.

S.Walt. How now lacks •

*sfll. I am going to bid Goflips for your WPS child Sir,
A goodly Girle I faith, giue y ou ioy on her.

She looks as if fihe had two thoufand pound to her portion

D i Aad

20

A Cbaft Mayd in Cbeape-fids.

Eater Dry Nurfe.

And run away with a T ay lor, A fine plumpe black ei’d flut,
Vnder corredion Sir,

I take delight to fee her s Nurfe.

NHrfe Doe you call Sir? Exit,

tsill. I call not you, I call the WetNurfe hither.

Enter Wet Nurfe*

Giue me the wet Nurfe, I ’tis thou,

Conae hither, come hither,

Lets fee her once againfe, I cannot chafe
But bufle her thrice an hovver.

Nurfe Y ou may b@ proud on t Sir,

’Tisthebeftpeece of worke that ere you did.

*AH. ThinkTt thou fo Nurfe, What fayeft to Watmd
Njcke?

Nurfe They’re pretie children both, but here’s a wench
Will be a knocker.

%All. Pup fay’ft thou me fo, pup little Counteffe,

Faith Sir I thanke your Worfhip for thisGirle,

T en thoufand times, and vpwara.

S.wdt. I am glad I haue her for you Sir.
idU. Here take her in Nurfe, wipe her, and giue her
Spoone-meat.

Nurfe Wipe your Month Sir. Exit

And now about thefe GofKps.

S'.Walt. Get but two, l’le ftand for one my felfe.

*s)!L To yourowne Child Sir ?

S.Wdt. 1 he better pollicie,it preuents fufpition,

’Tis good to play with rumor at ail weapons.

csfll. T roth I commend your care Sir, ’tis a thing
T hat I fhoiald ne’i e haue thought on.

S.wdt. The more c 'aue,

When Manturnesbafc,out goes hk Soules pure flame.
The fat of cafe o’re-throwes the eyes of fhame.

Albeit

\AChafi Mayd in Cheape-Jide. iS

<aA!L I am fludying who to get for Godmother
Sutablc to your Worfhip,Now I ha1 thought ont.

S.Wtlt. rie cafe you of that care,and pleafe my fclfc in’t
My Loue the Goldlmithes Daughter, if I fend.

Her Father will command her, ‘DaHjDahttmma.

Enter 'Dauji.

*s4ll. l’le fit your Worfhiptlien with a Male Partner.

S.tValt. W hat is he ?

*s4ll. A kind proper Gentleman, Brother to MT Tuck-
wood.

S.Walt. I know Tuchweod, has he a Brother liuing ?

<ss4ll. A neat Batchelor.

SJValt. Now we know him,we’le make fhift with him
Difpatch the time drawes neere,Come hither Danj. Exit

All. In troth I pittie him, he ne’re ftands ftill,

Poore Knight what paines he takes, fends this way one.
That way another, has not an houres leafure,

I would not haue thy toyle,for,all thy plcafure,

i

Enter two Promoters.

Ha , how now, what are thefe that ftand Co dole
At the Street-corner, pricking vp their Eares,

And fnuifing vp their Nofes, like rich-mens Dogges
When the nr ft Courfe goes in ? By the mafle Promoters^
’Tis fo 1 hold my life, and planted there
Toarrcftthedead Corps of poore Caluesand Shcepe,

Like rauenous Creditors,! hat will not fuffer
The Bodyes of their poore departed Debtors
To goe to’th’ graue,but eene in Death to vex
And ftay the Corps,with Billes ot Middlefcx,

This Lent will fat the whorefons vp with Sweetbreds,

And lard their whores with. Lambe- llones,what their go!s>
Can clutch, goes prefently to their AfoltanA Dels,

The Bawds will be fo fat with what they earae,

D 3 Their.

• *A Cbaft Mayd in Cbeape-fide.

Their Chins will hang like V dders,by Eafter-eeue,

And being ftroak’c,will giue the MilKe of W itches.

How did the Mungrels heare my wife lyes in ?

Well,1 may baffle 'cmgallantly,By your fisuour Gentlemen
lama Granger both vnto the Citie,

And to her carnall ftricktnefie.

1 ‘Prom. Good, Your will Sir?

Jill. Pray tell me where one dwells that kils this Lent,
r From. How kils ? Come hither Dtcke,

A Bird, a Bird.

2 Front. W hat ift that you would haue?

Ml. Faith any Flefh,

But I long efpecially for Veale and Greene-fauce.

1 From . Greene-Goofe.you (hall befau’ft.

All. I hauehalfcafcornefullftomacke, no Fifh will be
admitted.

i F> cm. Not this Lent Sir ?

All. Lent, what cares Colon here for Lent ?

1 From. You fay well Sir,

Good reafon that the Colon of a Gentleman

As you were lately pleas’d to terme your worfhip Sir.

Should be fulfill’d withanfwerable food.

To fharpen Blood,delight Health, and tickle Nature,
Were you dire&ed hither to this Street Sir ?

All. That I was, I marry.

2 From. And the Butcher belike

Should kill,and fell dole infomevpperRoomc?

All. Some Apple-loft as I take it, of a Cole-houfe,

I know not which I faith.

2 From. Either will ferue.

This Butcher fhall kiffe Newgate, Iefle he turne vp the
Bottome of the Pocket of his Apron,

You goe to feeke him?

All. W here you fhall not find him.

Tie buy, walke by your Nofes with my Flelh.
Sheepe-biting Mungrels, Hand-basket Free-bdoters,

My W ife ly es in, a footra for Promoters. Sxit

j Fromom

Chajl Mayd in Cheap* fide. i j

1 'Prom. Thar fhall not feme your tui n,w bat a Rogue’s
this, how cunningly he cauae ouer vs ?

Enter a Mart with Meat inaB asket.

2 'Prom. Hufht, ftand clofei

Mm i haue fcap’t well thus farrc,they fay the Knaues
are wondrous hot and bufie,

1 cProm. By your leaue Sir,

W e mull fee what you haue vhder your Cloake there.
Matt Haue ? I haue nothing.

i 'Prom. No, doe you tell vs that, what makes this
Sumpe fticke out then, we inuft fee Sir.

Man What will you fee Sir,a paire of Sheets,and two
of my Wiues foule Smocks, going to the Wafhers?

2 'Prom. O we loue that fight well, you cannot pleafe vs
better :What doe you gull vs, call you thefe Shirts and
Smockes ?

Man NowaPoxechoakeyou,

You hauecozend me and hue of my Wiues kinred

Of a good Dinner, we muft make it vp now

Vi ith Herrings and Milke-potage. Exit

1 'Prom. ’Tisall Veale.

2 Prom All Veale, Poxe the worfe lucke, I promis’d
faithfully to fend this morning a fat quarter of Lambe,t© a
kind Gentlewoman in Turnebull ftreet that longs, and how
I'me croft.

3 Prom. Let’s fhare this, and fee what hap comes next
then.

Enter another mth a 'Basket.

* Prom. Agreed, ftand clofe againe, another bootie^ .
What’s he ?

i Prom. Sir, by your fauour.

Man Meaning me Sir?

i Prom. Good Mr GHtur, cry thee owrcie,I faith.

What t

34 *4 Chaft Mayd in Cbea^e-Jidt.

W hat haft thou there ?

Man. A Racke of Mutton Sir ,and halfe a Lambe,

You know my Miftriiles dyet.

1 Pr cm. Goc,goe,wc lee thee no t^way^keepe clofe,,
Heart let him pafle, thou’it neuer hauc the wit

T o know our benefactors.

2 Prom. I haue forgot him.

1 cProm. Tis M.Beggsr lands man the wealthy Merchant
That is in fee with vs.

2 'Prom. Now I haue a feeling of him.

1 Prom. You know hcpurchaft the whole Lenttogcther
Gaue vs ten groats a peece on Afh-wenfday.

2 Prom. True, true.

Enter a Wench mth A Basket, And a Child in it
under a Boyne of Mutton.

I Prom. A Wench.

' a Pi om. W hy then ftand dole indeed.

Wench. Women had need of wit, if they’le fhift htre2
And lhe that hath wit, may Ihiftany-where.

1 prom. Looke,looke, poore Foole,

She has left the Rumpe vneouer’d too.

More to betray her,this is like a Murdrer,

That will out-face the deed with a bloody Band.

2 Prom. What time of they eereift Sifter?

Wench. O fweet Gentlemen, I am a poore Seruanf,

Let me goe.

s Prom. Y ou Ihall Wench, but this muft ftay with vs.
Wench. O you vndoe me Sir,

1 Tis for a welthy Gentlewoman that takes Phyficke Sir,
The Dodlor do’s allow my Miftris Mutton,

O as you tender the deere life of a Gentlewoman >

Tie bring my Matter to you, he lhall Ihew you
Atrueauthoritie from the higher powers.

And Tie run euerie foot.

2 Prom. Well, Ieaue your Basket then,

*5

Chajl Mayd in Che apt- fide.

And run and fpare not.

trench. W ill you fweare then to me.

To keepe it till 1 come.

I 'Prom. Now by this light I will.
fTench. W hat fay you Gentleman ?
a 'Prom. What a ftrange Wench 'tis?

Would we might perilhelfe.

Wench. Nay then I run Sir.

1 Prom. And ne’re returne 1 hope.

2 Prom. A politike Baggage,

She makes vs fweare to keep© it,

I prethe looke what market (he hath made.

r Prom. Imprimis Sir, a good fat Loyne of Mutton,

W hat comes next vnder this Cloath ?

Now for a quarter of Lambe.

2 Prom. Not for a Shoulder of Mutton,

1 Prom. Done.

2 Prom. Why done Sir.

1 Prom. By the made I feeie I haue loft,

Tis of more weight I faith.

2 Prom. Some Loyne of Veale?

1 Prom. No faith, here’s a Lambes Head,

I; feeie that plainly, why yet win my wager.

2 Prom . Ha?

1 Prom. S wounds what’s here ?

2 Prom. A Child.

1 Prom. A Poxe of all diffembling cunning Whores.

2 Prom. Here’s an vnlucky Breakcfaft.

1 Prom. What Inals doe?

2 Prom. The Queane made vs fweare to keepe it too.

1 Prom. We might Ieaueitelfe.

2 Prom. Villanous ftrange,

’Life had fhe none togull, but poore Promoters,

That watch hard for a liuing.

I Prom. Halfe our gettings muft run in Suger-fops,
And Nurfes wages now, befiaes many a pound of Sope,
And T allow, we haue need to get Loynes of Mutton ftill,

E T©

2 6 Jl Cbajt Mayd in Cheape~(lde.

To (aue Suet to change for Candles.

2 Prom. Nothing mads me, but this was a Lambs head
with you, you felt it,ihe has made Caiues heads of vs.

r Prom. Prethe no more on't,

There’s time to get it vp,it is not come
To Mid-Lent Sunday yet.

a Prom. I ain fo angry ,T’ie watch no more to day.
x Prom, Faith nor t neither.

2 'From. Why then Pie make a motion.

1 ‘Prom. Weli, what ill?

2 Prom. Let’s e’ne goe to the Checker at Qucene-hiue
and roil the Loyne of Mutton, till young Hood, then fend
the Child to Branford.

Enter Allwk in one of Sir Walters Sutes, and Dauy
trujfing him.

zAfll. ’ Tis a bufie day at our Houfe P)any.
cDany Alwayes the Kurlning day Sir.
ts4U. Trufle, trufie me ‘Dauy.

‘Dany No matter and you were hang’d Sir.
c All. How do’s this Sure fit me Dauy ?

ID any E xcellent neatly, my Mailers things were euer ft
for you Sir, e’ne to a Haire you know.

<tAll. Thou haft hit it right Plasty,

We euer iumptin one, this ten yewcsPlauy,

Enter a S truant with aEox*

So Well faid,what art thou ?

Sem. Y our Comfit- makers Man Sir.
tx?//. O fweet youth, into the Nurfe quicke.

Quick e, ’tis time I faith.

Your Miftris will be here ?

Serf*. She was facing forth Sir.

inter

jf ChaJi Mayd in Cbeape-Jide . 27

Enter two ‘Puritan.

*AU. Here comes our Gofilps now, O I lhall haue fuch
killing vvorke to day, Sweet H.iikxi^Vndernutn'adoira.c
I faith.

1 Pur . Giue you ioy of your fine Girls Sir,

Grant that her education may be pure.

And become one of the faithfull.

<lAU. Thankes to your Sifterly wifhes Mr TJndcrman.

1 Pur. Are any of theBrethrens Wiues yet come ?
osfU. There are fome Wiues within, and fame at
home.

I Pur. Verily thankes Sir. Exit

itsltl. Verily you are an Afle forfooth,

I muft fit all thele times, or there’s no Muficke,

Enter two (/offift.

Here comes a friendly and familier payer.

Now I like thele Wenches well.

1 <5tyf. How do’ Mirra ?

Faith well I thanke you Neighbor, and how do’ll

thou ?

2 Goff. Want nothing, but fach getting Sir as thine.
tsitl. My gettings wench, they are poore,

1 (fojf. Fye that thou’lt lay lo,

Th’aft as fine Children asa Man can get.

‘Dauy I as a Man can get.

And that’s my Mafter.

They are pretic foolilh things,

Put to making in minutes,

I nc’re Hand long about ’em,

W ill you ivalke in W enches ?

i 8 \A Chaji Mayd in Cbeape- (Me.

Enter Tuchwood Junior, and Moll .

T.I. The hapieft meeting that our fou'es could with for
Here’s the Ring ready, I am beholding vnto your Fathers
haft, h’as kept his howre.

CMoll. He netltr kept it better.

Enter Sir Walter Whorehound.

T.I. Backe, be filent.

S.Walt. Miftris and Partner, I will put you both into
one Cup.

Dauj Into one Cup, moft proper,

A fitting complement for a Gold-fmiths Daughter.

All. Yes Sir, that’s he muft be your W orfhips Partner
In this dayes bufinefle, Mr Tuchwoods Brother.

S. Walt. I embrace your acquaintance Sir.

T. I. It vo wes your feruice Sir.

S.Walt. It’snecre high time, come Mf All-wit.

All. Ready Sir.

S. Walt. W il’t pleafe you walke ?

T. I. Sir I obey your time. Exit

Enter Midwife with the Child, and the Gofsips to the

Kurfning.

I 9eIf‘ Good Mns Tellowhammer .
oJdlaudl. In faith I will not.

I Qojf. Indeed it fhall be yours
t-Maudl. I hauefvvornelfaith.

I Goff I’le ftand ftill then.

tMaudl. So will you let the Child goe without company
And make me forfworne.

1 < fojf. You are fuch another Creature.

2 Goff. Before me, I pray come downe a little.

3 9°Jf’ Not a whit, 1 hope I know my place.

\A Chaft Majd in Cheape fide. 2. g

2 C/o(f, Your pi-ace, great wonder lure^re you any better
then a Comfit-ma .ers wife.

3 Goff. And that’s as good at all times as a Pothicaries.

2 Goff. Y e lye, yet I forbeare you too.

1 Pur. Come fweet Sifter, we goe in vnitie,and foew
the fruits of peace like Children of the Spirit.

2 Pur. I loue lowlinefle.

4 Gejf. True,fo lay I, though they ftriue more,

There comes as proud behind,as goes before.

5 Goff. Euerie inch I faith. Exit

AElw Tertirn.

Enter Tuchwood Iunior, and a Parfon,

T.I . O Sir, ifeuer you felt the force of loue, pittie it
in me.

Par. Y es, though I ne’rc was married Sir,

I haue felt the force of loue from good mens daughters, .
And fome that will be Mayds yet three yeeres hence.

Haue you got a Licence?

T.I. Here ’tis ready Sir.

Par. That’s well.

T.I. The Ringand all things perfect, foe’le fteale hither;
Par. She flaall be welcome Sir,Tle not be long
A clapping you together.

Enter <JMoll,md Tuchwood Senior.

T.I. O here fhe’s come Sir.

Par. What’s he?

T.I. My honeft Brother.

T.S. Quicke, make haft Sirs.

You muft difparch with all the fpeed you can.
Tor 1 foal! be mift ftraight,I made hard foift

E 3 Tor-

go Cbaft Mayd in Cbeape-Jide*

For this fmall time I haue.

Par. Then 1 ’le not linger.

Place that Ring vpon her Finger,

T his t he Finger piayes the part,

Whofe mafter Veine Ihoots from the Heart,

Now ioyne Hands.

Enter Yelloyr-hammer, and Sir (Taber,

Tell. Which I will feuer.

And lo ne’rc againemeet neuer.

CMoll. O we are betray’d.

T.I. Hard fate.

S .Walt. I am ftrucke with wonder.

Yell. W as this the politike fetch, thou mifticall baggage
Thou difobedient ftrumpet.

And were fo wife to fend for her to fuch an end,

S. iTalt. Now I difclaime the end, you le makeme mad.
Yell. And what are you Sir ?

T- /. And you cannot fee with thofe two Glafles,put on
a paire more.

Yell. I dreampt of anger ftill, here take your Ring Sir,
Ha this, life ’tis the fame, abhominable.

Did not I fell this Ring ?

T. I. I thinke you did,you receiued money for’t.

Yell. Heart, harke you Knight,

Here’s no inconfcionable villany ,

Setmeaworke to make the Wedding Ring,

And come with an intent to fteale my Daughter,

Did euer run-a-way match it ?

S. Walt. ’This your Brother Sir ?

T. S. He can tell that as well as I.

Yell. The verie Poefie mockes me to my free,

Loue that’s wife, blinds Parents eyes,

I thanke your wifedome Sir for blinding of vs.

We haue good hope to recouer our fight lhortly,

In the meane time I will locke vp this baggage.

\A Chaft Mayd in Che Ape- fide. j 5-

As carefully as my Gold. (lie fhall fee aslittlc Sunnc
If a clofc Roome or fo can keepe her from the light on t.
lMoII. O fvveet Father, for Loucs lake pittie me*

Tell. Away.

(JAtoll. Farewell Sir, all content blelfe thee.

And take this for comfort.

Though violence keepe me,thou canft loofc me neuer,

I am euer thine although we part for euer.

Tell. IwefhallpartyouMinkcs. Sxit

S . Walt. Y our acquaintance Sir, came verie lately ,

Yet it came too foone,

I muft herc-affer know you for no friend.

But one that Imuft fhun like Peftilence,

Or the Difcale of Lull.

7*. /. Like enough Sir, you ha" tane me at the worft time
for words that ere ye pick’t out, faith doe not wrong me
Sir. Sxit

T. S. Cooke after him and fpare not, there he walkes
That neuer yet receiued baffling,you’r bleft

More then e're I knew,goe take your reft. Sxit

S.Walt^l pardon you, you are both loofers. Sxit

A Bed thruft out vpon the Stage, A Bwiis Wife in it.

Sitter all the Goffips.

i Goff. Howift Woman, we haue brought you home
A Kurfen Soule.
if'ife. I, I thanke your paines.

fur. And verily well kurfond,i’the right way, . i

Without Idolatry or Superftition,

After the puremanner of Anafterdam.^
wife. Sit downegood.Neighbour$,Nurle<

Gfjtrfe At hand forfooth.

Wtfe. Looke they haue all low ftooles
Tfjerfe They haue forfooth.
a (fojf. Bring the Child hiihcr Nurfe,how fay you now
Go0ip,ift .ota chopping GirIe,fo like the Father >

3 tytfP

32 tA Chaft Mayd in Cbeape-fide.

3 Gojf As if it had beene (pit out of his Mouth,

Ey’s, nos’d, and brow’d as like a Girle can be,

Oncly indeed it has the Mothers Mouth.

2 gojf. The Mothers Mouth vp and downe, vp and
downe.

3 Gojf. ’Tisa large Child, ftie’sbuta little Woman.

Pur. No beleeue me, a verie fpynie Creature,but ail hart,

W ell metteld , like the faithfull to endure
Her tribulation here, and rayfe vp feed.

2 Goff. She had a lore labour on’t I warrant ybu,you can
tell Neighbour.

3 off. Ofhe had great {peed,

W e were afrayd once.

But fhe made vs all haue ioyfull hearts againe,

Tisa good Soule I faith.

The Midwife found her a mod cheerefull Daughter.

Pur , ’Tis the fpirit,the Sifters are all like her,

Enter Sir Walter with two Sp tones and Plate
md Allwit .

2 gojf. O here comes the chiefeGoflip Neighbours.

S Walt. The fatnelfe of your wifhes to you ail Ladyes.

3 9°f' Q deer fweet gentleman, what fine words he has
The fatnelfe of our willies.

2 gojf. Calles vs all Ladyes.

4 gtff' I promife you a fine Gentleman, and a courteous.

2 Goff. Me thinkes her Husband lliewes like a Clowne
to him.

3 Gojf. I would not care what Clowne my Husband
were too,fo 1 had fuch line Children.

2 Gojf. She’s all fine Children Goftip.

3 gojf. I, and fee how fall they come.

Pur. Children are bleffings,if they be got with zeale.

By the Brethren, as I haue fiue at heme.

SWalt. The wOrft is paft,l hope now Goftip.

Wife $o I hope to good Sir.

Allwit

M Chajl May cl in Cheape- fide. 3 1

tAll. W hy then fe> hope T too for company,

I haue nothing to doe elfe.

S.lVitlt. A poore remembrance Lady,

To the lone of the Babe, I pray accept of it.

Wife O you are at too much charge Sir.

2 Gojf. Looke, looke, what has he giuen her, what ift
Goftip ?

3 Gojf. Now by my faith a faire high {landing Cup,and
two great Poftle Spoones, one of them gilt.

1 Pur. Sure that was ludas then with the red Beard.

2 Pur. I would not feed my daughter with that fpoone
for all the World, for feare of colouring her Hcyre,Red
Hayre the Brethren like not, it confumes them mucb,’ti*
not the S liters colour.

Enter Nurfe with Cemfits and Wine.

All. Well Laid Nurfe,

About, about w'ith them amongft the Goflips,

Now out comes all the taffeid Handkerchers,

They are fpred abroad betweene their Knees already,

Now in goes the long Fingers that are wafli’t
Some thrice a day in Vrin, my Wife vies it.

Now we {hall haue fuch pocketing,

See how they lurch at the lower end.

Pur. Come hither Nurfe.

All. Agame, {he has taken twice already.

Pur. I had forgot a Sifters Child that’s ficke.

AU. A Pox it feemes your purity loues fweet things well
that puts in thrice together, had this beene all my colt now
I had beene beggerd, thefe Women haue no conlciences at
fweet meats, where e’re they come, fee and they haue not
culd out all the longPlumbes too, they haue left nothing
here but Ihort riggle-tayle-Comfits, not worth mouthing,
no mar’ le I heard a Citizen complaine once, that his W iues
Belly onely broke his Backe : Mine had beene all in fitters
feuen yeeres fince, but for this worthy Knight,that with a

F " prop

^ 4 v* Chaft Mnyi in Cheape-fidc.

prop vpholds my W ife and me, and all iny eftate burfc^h*
Bucklers-berrie.

tFifo. Here Mris Tetiowhammer, and Neighbours,

To you all that haue taken paines with tne.

All the good W iues at once.

Pur, Tie anfwer for them.

They wifo all health and ftrength.

And that you may couragioufly goe forward.

To perforate the like and many iuch.

Like a true Sifter with Motherly bearing.

All. Now the cups trole about to wet the goffips whiftles
It poures downe I faith,they neuer thinke of payment.

Par Fill againe Nut fe.

All. N ow bldfe thee, two at once. Tie ftay no longer.

It would kill me and if I pay’d for’t,

W ill it pleafe you to walke downe and leauc the women.

S. IF alt. With all my Heart lacke.

All. Troth I cannot blame you.

SJFalt. Sit you all merry Ladyes.

All Go ’ff. Thanke your Worship Sir.

‘Pur. Thanke your W orfoip Sir.

All. A Pox twice tipple ye,you are laft & loweft. Exit

Tur. Bring hither that fame Cup Nurfe, I would faine
driue away this hup Antichriftian griefe. .

3 Q°$' See Goftip and foe lyes not in like a Counteffe,
W ould I had fuch a Husband for my Daughter.

4 Goff. Is not foe toward marriage?

3 Goff. OnofweetGofilp.

4 Why foe’s nineteene?

3 Cfoff. I that foe w as laft Lammas,

But foe has a f’ault Goflip, a fecret fault.

4 Qoff, A fault, what ift?

3 (/off. I ’le tell you when I haue drunke.

4 Go[f. Wine can doe that I fee, that friend foip cannot .

3 Goff. And now I’le tell you Golfip, foe s too free.

4 goff. To free?

3. Goff. O I, foe cannot Iyedry in her Bed.

4 Gojpf

A Chajl "May d in Cheape-fede. 3 5

4 Gejf. What, and ninetecnc?

3 gojf. ’T is as I tell you Golfip.
t^Maudl. Speake with me Nurfe, who ift?

T^jirJi A Gentleman from Cambridge,

I thinke it be your Sonne forfooth.

iddllaudl. 'Tis my Sonne Tim I faith,

Prethe call him vp among the W omen.

’ T will imbolden him well.

For he wants nothing but audacitie,

’ W ould the W elch gentlewoman at home were here now*
Lady Is your Sonne come forfooth?
c JMaudl. Y es from the V niuerfitie forfooth.

Lady Tisgreatioy onyee.

(uMaitdl. 1 here’s a great marriage towards for him*
Lady A marriage ?

tJMaudl. Yes lhre, a hughe Heire in W ales.

At Ieaft to nineteene Mountains,

Befidcs her Goods and Cattell-

BnterTim.

Tim. 0,Fme betray’d. Sstk

i^Maud. W hat gone againe,run after him good Nurfe, |
He’s fo balhfull, that’s the fpoyle of youth.

In the Vniuerfiriethey’re kept ftillto Men,

And ne’retrayn’d vpto Womens company.

Lady ’Tis a great fpoyle of youth indeed .

Enter Nurfe and Tim.

Y our Mother will hauc it fo.

(JWaudl. Why Sonne, why Ttm,

W hat mail I rife and fetch you ? For fhame Sonne.

Tim. Mother you doe inrreat like a frtfh Woman,

Tis againft the Lawes of the V niut rficie,

For any that has anfwercd vndcr Batchelor
Tothruft ’mongft married Wiue«.

MtmSns

•| 0 A Cbaji Mayd in Cbeape-fide.

(JWaHdt. Come we’ie excufc you here.

Tim. Call vp my T utor Mother >and I care not.

<J\Uudl. What is your Tutor come, haueyou brought
him vp?

7 im. I ha’ not brought hun vp, he ftands at dore,
Tfjgatw-, there’s Logicke to begin wich you Mother.

Mmd. Run call the gentleman nurfe,he’s my ions tutor
Here eat fome Plumbes.

Tim. Come I from Cambridge, and offer me fix plumbs?

(JMaudl. W hy how now T im,

W ill not your old trickes yet be left ?

Tim. Seru’d like a Child,

When I haueanfvver’d vnder Batcheler ?

UWaudl. You’le neuer fin till I make your Tutor whip
you, you know how I ieru’d you once at the Free Schools
in Pauls Church-yeard ?

Tim. O monftrous abfurditie,

Ne’re was the like in Cambridge fince my time,

’Life whip a Batcheler,yow’ld be laught at foundly.

Let not my Tutor heareyou,

* T would be a left through the .whole V niuerfitie.

No more words Mother.

Enter Tut or.

iJMmdi. Is this your Tutor Tim ?

T ut. Yes furely Lady, I am the man that brought him
in League with Logicke, and red the Dunces to him.

Tim. That did he Mother, but now 1 haue ’em all in my
owne Pate, and can as well read ’em to others.

Tut. That can he Miftris, for they flow naturally from
him.

Maudl. I 'me the more beholding to your paynes S ir .

Tut. 2^ ow idea Jane.

LMaudl. True, he wasan Ideot indeed.

When he went out of London.but now he’s well mended.
Did you receiue the two Goefe-pies I fent you ?

Tutor

\A Chajl Muyd in Cbeupc-jide, qy

Tut. And eat them hartely,thankes to your W orfhip.
lMmmM. ’Tis my Sonne Tim, I pray bid him welcome
Gentlewomen.

Tim. Jim, fiarke you Timothius Mother, Timothius.
Uilandl. How, {hall I deny ycor Name? Timothius
quoth he? Faith there’s a name, ’tis my Sonne Tim fbr-
footh.

Ludj You’re welcome Mr7*»*. Kfjfe

Tim. O this is hot rible, {he wets as fhe kiffes,

Y our Handkercher Ivveet Tutor, to wipe them off, as fitft
as they come on.

2 Cjojf. Welcome from Cambridge. Kijfe

Tim. This is intolerable, This woman has a villanous

fweet breath, did {he not ftinke of Comfits, Helpc me
fvt eet Tutor, or I lhall rub my Lips off.

T**t. ITe goe kiffe the lower end the whil’ft.

Tim. Perhaps that’s the fweeter,and we {hall difpatch
the fooner.

Ttir. Let me come next, W elcome from the W elfpring
of difciplincjthat waters all the Brethren. Reels & fnh

Tim. Hoylt I befeech thee.

3 9°f O blefle the Woman, Mr Vnderman.

Tur. ’Tis but the common affliction of the faithfull,
We mu ft embrace our fakes.

Tim. Foie glad I fcap’t it, it was feme rotten kiffe fure,

3t dropt downe before it came at me.

Enter Albeit, mdD Any.

All. Here’s a noyfe ,not parted yet ?

Hyda,a Looking-glaflc, they haue drunke fo hard in Plate, ,
That iome of themhad need of other Veffels,

Yonder’s the braucftShew.

Where? Where Sir?

All. Came along prefently by the Piffing-conduit,

With two braue Drams and a Standert-bearer.

Aligeff. O Braue.

F 3 Tm

1 8 Chajl Mayd in Chedpe-fide .

Tim. Come Tutor. J&k

All Gtff Par well fweet Golfip. Exit

Wtfe I thankc you all for your paynes.

Feed and grow ftrong. Exit

*All. You had move need ro fleepe then eat,

Coe take a nap with fome of the Brethrtn, goc,

And rile vp a well edified ,bo!dified Sifter,

O here’s a day of toy le well paft ore.

Able to make a Citizen Hare mad, ( Bums,

How hpt they haue made the Roorae with their thickc
Do’ft not feclc it Datey ?

‘Date. Monftrous ftrong Sir.

*All. W hat’s he re vnder the Stooles ?

‘Date. Nothing but wet Sir, fome Wine Ipiit here be-
like.

*All. Iftnoworfe think’ftthou?

Fairc Needle worke Stooles, coll nothing with them Dauy
‘Date. Nor you neither l £mh.
osfil. tooke how they haue lay d them,

Ee’ne as they lye themlelues, with their Heeles vp,

How they hauefhufflled vp the Rushes too Da tty
With their fliort figging little ftiittle-corke-heels,

Thefe W omen can let nothing ftand as they find it.

But what’s the fecret thou’ft about to tell me
My hon eftDauy?

Date. If you fhould difclole it Sir.

*All. Life rip my Belly vp to the Throat then Dauy^
Date. My Matter’s vpon Marriage.

•Alt. Marriage Datey, (end me to hanging rather.

Dan, I haue ftong him.

•tAll. When, where, what is (he Datey i

Date. E’ne the fame was Goffip, and gaue the Spoone.

*tAll. I haue no time to flay, nor fcarce can fpeake,

I’le ftop thole wheeles,or all the worke will break e. Exit
Date. 1 knew ’twold prickc, Thusdoe I fafbion ttill
All mine owne ends by him and his ranketoyle,

1 Tis my defire to keepc him ttill from marriage,

Being

t

,A Chaft Mayd in Cbedpe-Jide. 3 9

Being his poore neerefl Kinfman, I may fare

T he better at his death, there my hopes build

Since my Lady Ktxe is dry , and hath no Child. Exk

Snttrboth the Tuchwoods.

T.I. Y’are in the happieft way to enrich your felfe.

And pleafure me Brother,as Mans feet can tread in.

For though fhe be lock’t vp, her vow is fix’t onely td me.
Then time fhall neucr grieue me, for by that vow,

E’ne abfent inioy her ,aflulredly confirm’d that none
Eife fhall, which will make tedious yeeres feemc gtaaefiill
To me,In the meane (pace lofe you no tune fweet brother.
You haue the meanes to ftrikeat this Knights fortunes.
And lay him leuell with his bankrout merit.

Get but his Wife with Child, perch at tree top.

And fhake the golden fruit into her Lap,

About tt before fhe weepe her felfe to a dry ground*

And whine out all her goodnefle.

T.S. Prethe ceafe, 1 find a too much aptnefs in my blood
For fuch a bufincfTe without prouocation,

Y ou might ’well fbar’d this banket of Oringoes,
Hartechokes, Potatoes, and yonr butter’d Crabbe,

They were fitter kept for your owne wedding dinner.

T.I. Nay and you’ie folio v my fuit,& faue my purfe too
Fortune doats on me, he’s in happy cate
Finds fiich an honelt friend i’the Commonplace.

7“.S. Life what makes thee fo merry ? thou haft no caufe
That I eould heare of lately fince thy crofles,

Vnlefle there be newcscome,wich new additions.

T.I. Why there thou haft it right,

I’looke for her this Euening Brother.

T.S. How’s that, looke for her?

T.I. I willcteliuer you of the wonder ftfeight Brother,
By the firmefecrefie, and kind affiftanee
Of a good Wench i’the Houfe,w ho made ©f pittie.
Weighing the cafe her owne, fhe $ lead through Gutters,

Strangs.

4@ \A Chap: Mayd in Cheape-fede,

Strange hidden wayes,w hich none but Loue could find.
Or ha’ the Heart to veivture, I exped her
VV here you would little thinke.

T.S. I care not where, io lire be fafe,and yours.

T.f. Hope telles me fo.

But from your loue and time my peace muft grow. Exit

T.S. You know the worft then brother,no w to my Ktx
T he barren he and lhe,they ' ’re i'che next Roome,

But to fay which of their two humors hold them
Now at this inftant,I cannot fay truly.

S. Ol. Thou lyeft Barrenneffe. Kix to hit Lady within.

T. S. O ift that time of da /0giue youioy of your tongue
There's nothing elfe good in you ,this their life

The whole day from eyes open to eyes (hut.

Killing or fcolding,aad then muft be made friends.

Then rayle the fecondpart of the firft fit out.

And then be pleas'd againe, no Man knowes which way.
Fall out like Giants,and fall in like Children,

Their Fruit can witneffc as much.

Enter Sir OUuer Kite, and hit Lady.

S.Ol. sTisthy fault.

Lady. Mine, Drouth and coldneflfe?

S.Ol Thine/as thou art barren.

Lady. I barren,o life that I durft but fpeakc now.
Inmine owneIuftice,in mine owne Right, 1 barren,

'Twas other wayes with me when I was at Court,

I was ne’rc call'd fo till I was married.

S.Ol. I’le be deuorc't.

Lady. Be hang’d, I need not with it,

T hat will come too foone to thee :

I may fay. Marriage and hanging goes by deftiny.

For all the goodneffe I can find in’tyer.

S.Ol. fie giue vp Houfe,& keepe fome fruitful! whore.
Like an old Batcheler in a T radfmans Chamber,

She and her Children (hall haue all.

^fChaftXfayd in Che ape- fide. 41

Lady. Where be they ?

T.S. Pray ceafe,

W hen there are friendlier courfes tooke for you.

To get and multiply within your Houfe,

At your ownc proper cofts in fpight of cenfure.

Me thinkes an honeft peace might be eftabliih’t.

S. Ol. What with her? Neuer.

T. S. Sweet Sir.

S. 01. Y ou worke all in vaine.

Lady. Then he doth all like thee.

T. S. Let me intreat Sir.

S. 01 Singlenefle confound her,

I rook e her with cneSmocke.

Lady. But indeed you came not fo tingle,

W hen you came from Shipboard.

S. Ol. Heart (lie bit fore there,

Prethe make’s friends.

T. S. lit come to that, the peale begins to ceafe.

S. Ol Tie fell all at an Out-cry.

Lady Doe thy worftSlaue,

Good fweet Sir bring vs into loue againe.

T. S. Some would thinke this impoffible to compafle.
Pray let this ftorme fly oucr.

S. Ol. Good Sir pardon me,Fme Matter of thisHoufe,
Which 1 ’le fell prefently, ITc clap vp Bilks this Euening.

T. S. Lady friends come ?

Lady If e’re ye lou’d Woman, talke not on’t Sir,
what friends w ith him ? good faith do you think I’me mad
with one that’s fcarcc the hinder quarter of a Man ?

S. 01. Thou art nothing of a W oman.

Lady W ould I were lefle then nothing. Wtepts

S.Ol. Nay prethe what do’ ft meane?

Lady T cannot pteafe you.

S. Ol. I faith thou art a good Soule, he lyes that fayes it,
Buffe, bufle, pretie Rogue.

Lady You care not for me.

T. S. Call any man tell now which way they came in ?

G By

42 oi Cbfift Mayd in Chape- fide i

By this light I’le be hang’d then.

S. Ol. 1$ the Drinke come?

T. S. Here’s a little Vxall of Almoud-milke jSJide

That flood me in fbme threepence.

S.Ol. I hope to fee thee wench within thefe few y ceres,
Cirkled with Children, pranking vp a Girle,

And putting Iewels in their little Eares,

Fine fport I faith.

Lady I had you beene ought Husband,

It had beene done ere this time.

S.Ol. Had .1 bin ought, hang thee,had’ft thou bin ought,
But a crofTe thing I euer found thee.

Lady Thou art a Grub to fey fo.

S. Ol. A Pox on thee.

T. S. By this light they are out againe at the fame dore.
And no Man can tell which way.

Come here’s your Dr i nke Sir .

S.Ol. 1 will not take it now Sir,

And I were fure to get three Boyes ere Midnight, (com ft
Lady Why there thou fhew’ft now of what breed thou
T o hinder generation, O thou Villsine,

That knowes how crookedly the W orld goes with vs.
For want of Heires,yet put by all good fortune.

S. OL Hang ftrumpet,I will take it now in fpight.

T. S. Then you muft ride vpon’t'fiufe houres.

S.Ol. I meane fo. Within there ?

Enter a S truant.

Sera. Sir ?

S.Ol. Saddle the white Mare,

Tie take a W hore along, and ride to Ware*

Lady Ride totheDiuel.

S.Ol. i’le plague you e uerie way,

Looke ye, doe you fe?, ’tis gone.

Lady A Pox goe with it.

S.OL I curfe and fpare not now.

DrinkeJ

T.Stnm

^/f'Chaft Mayd in Cheapc-fide. 45

T.S. Stirre vp and downe fir, you muft not ftand.

S. O/. Nay 1’ine not giucn to (landing.

T. S. So much the better fir for the -

S.O/. I neucr could ftand long in one place yet,

1 learnt it of tny Father >euer figient.

How if I croft this Sir ? Capers

TtS. O pafting good Sir, and would fhew well a Horfe-
backe: When you come to your Inne, If you leapt ouer
a ioy nt-ftoole or two/twere not atnifte although you brake
your necke Sir. jifide

S. Ol. W hat lay you to a Tabic thus h igh Sir ?

T. S. Nothing better Sir, if it be fnrnifhed with good
V icluals. Y ou remember how the bargaine runs avbout this
bufinefle ?

S. O l. Or elle I had a bad Head : you muft receiue Sir
foure hundred pounds of me at foure feuerall payments :
One hundred pound now in hand.

T. S. Right, that I haue Sir.

S. O/. Another hundred when my W ifes is quicke : the
third when fhe's brought a bed : and the laft hundred w hen
the Child cryes, For if it Ihould be ftill borne, it doth no
good Sir.

T. S. Aii this iseuen ftill, a little fafter Sir.

S.O/. Not a whit Sir,

Tmedn an excellent pace for any Phyficke,

Safer a Servant,

Sent. Your white Mares ready.

S.O l. I jRall vp prelently : One kifle, and farewell.
Lady Thou {halt haue two Loue.

S. O/. E xped me about three. Sxit

Lady With all my Heart Sweet.

T. S. By this light they haue forgot their anger fincc.
And are as farre in agairie as e’re they were,

W hich way the Diuell came they, Haart I faw ’em not.
Their wayes are beyond finding out. Come fweet Lady.

g 2 Lady

44 Cbaft Mdyd in Cbeape-fide.

Lad} How muft I take mine Sir?

T.S. Cieane contrarie, yours muft be taken lying.
Ltdj A Bed Sir ?

T.S. A Bt'd,or where you will for your owneeafe,
Your Coach will feme.

Laaj The Phyficke muft needs pleafe. Sxk

Jttus Qmrtus.

Enter Tim and T tit or*

Jim. T^egatur argumentum Tutor.

T ut. Trobo tibi Pupill } ftultus non eft animal rationale .

Tim. Taller it fane.

Tut. ftftuafo vt taceas,probo tibi .

Tim. Quomodo probat domine .

Tut. Stultrn non habet rationem, ergo non eft animal rati *
onale.

Tim. Sic argument arit domine, ftultus non habet rationem.
ergo non eft animal rationale, negatur argumentum agame
Tutor.

T Ht. lArqumentum itterum probo tibi domine, qui non par -
ticivat de ratione nullo modo poteft vocart rationaltbut , but
ftultus non parttcipat de ratione, ergo ftuhue nuUo mode poteft
dieere rationales.

Tim. Tarticipat .

Tut Ste dift>ntw,qui parttcipat quomodopartieipat.

Tim. Ut homo,probabo tibi in ftlagijmo.

Tut. llunc proba.

T im. Ste probo domine, ftultus eft homo ftcut tu & ego fum,
homo eft animal rationeleftcut ftultus eft animal rat ionale.

Enter

j4 Chaft Mayd in Cbeape-Jide. 45

Enter tJM aualine .

Maudl. Here’s nothing but dilputing all the day long
with ’em.

Tut. Sic dtff ut us, fin It m eft homo ftcut tH & ego fum home
eft animal rationale, ftcut (l tilt us eft animal rationale.

t-Mandl. Your reafons are both good what e’re they be
Pray giue them or’e,faith you’ie tire your felues,

W hat’s the matter betweene y ou ?

Tim. Nothing but reafoning about a Foole Mother.

fJMaudl. About a Foole Son, alas what need you trouble
your heads about that, none of vs all but knowes what a
Foole is.

Tim. Why what’s a Foole Mother?

I come to you now. •

c Maudl. W hy one that’s married before he has wit.

Tim. ’Tis prettie I faith, and wellgueftofa Woman
neuer brought vp at the V niuerfitie : but bring forth what
Foole you will Mother, I’ie proue him to be as reafonable
a Creature, as my felfe or my Tutor here.

C Maudl. Fye ’tis impollible.

T ut. Nay he foall do’c forfooth,

Tim. Tis the eafieft thing to proue a Foole by Logicke, ,
By Logicke I’ie proue any thing. '

(Maudl. W hat thou wilt not ?

Tim. I’ie prone a W hore to be an honeft Woman.

C Maudl Nay by ir.y faith, foe mult proue that her felfe,
or Logicke will neuer do’t.

Tim. ’Twill do’t I tell you.

(Maudl. Some in this Street would giue a thoufand
pounds that you could proue their Wiues fo.

Tim. Faith 1 can, and all their Daughters too, though
they had three Baflards. When comes your Taylor hither?

(Maudl. Why what of him ?

Tim. By Logicke I’le proue him tobe a Man,

Let him come when he will.

9-3

Maudlins-

4$ tA Chafl Mayd in Cbeape-fide.

(JMaudl. How hare! at firft was Learning to him ? Truly
Sir I thought he would neuer a tooke the Latine Tongue.
How many Accidences doe you thinke he wore out e’re he
.came to his Grammer ?

Tut. Some three or fbure.

G JMattdl. Beieeue me S ir Lome fbure and thirtie.

Tim. Pifo I made Jiaberdins of ’em in Church porches

C SWaudl. He was eight yecres in his Grammer, and
ftucke horribly at a foolifh place there call’d Jjfe in pre-
fenti.

Tim . Pox I haue it here now.

c Maud. He fo foam’d me once before an beneft Gentle-
man that knew me when I was a Mayd

Tim- Thefe women mull haue all out.

C^faud/. £Zuidc[i Gramatica ? Sayes the Gentleman to
him(l-foail remember by a fvveet ivveet token)but nothing
could he anfwer.

Tut. How now Pupill, ha, jQgid efi gramatica ?

7 im. grammatical Ha, ha, ha.

tJMaucLl. Nay doe not laugh Sonne, but let me heare you
fay it now : There was one word went fo prettily off the
Gentlemans tongue, I foall remember it the longcft day of
my life.

Tut. Come , J^uid efi gramatica 1

Tim . Are you not afoam’d Tutor, gramatica 1 Why
RcRe feribendi at% toquendi art, fer-reuerenee of my Mo-
ther.

Uffaud!. That Was it I faith : Why now Sonne I fee you
are a deeps Scholler : And Mr Tutor a word I pray, let vs
with-draw a little into my Husbands Chamber, l*le fend in
the North- Wales Gentlewoman to him, foe lookes for
wooing : I’le put together both, and locke the Dore.

Tt ut. I giue great approbation to your conclulion. Exit

Tim. I mar’le what this Gentlewoman foould be.

That I foould haue in marriage, {Tie’s a ftranger to me :

I wonder what my Parents meane 1 faith.

To match me with a ftranger fo :

.4

\A Cbaft Mayd in Cbeape-Jide * 47

A Mayd that’s neither kiffe nor kin to me :

Life doe they thinke I haue no more care of my Body,
Then to lye with one that I ne’rc knew,

A meere ftranger.

One that ne’re went to Schoolewith me neither,

/ Nor euer play-fellowes together,

T hey ’r mightily o’re-feene in’t me thinkes.

They % llie has Mountames to her marriage.

She’s full of Cattell, fome two thoufand Rants,

Now what the meaning of thefe Runts fhould be.

My Tutor cannot tell me,

I haue look't in Riders Dixcionarie for the tetter R,

And there I canhearenotydingsof thefe Runts neither, -
V nlefle they fhould be Rumford Hogges,

I know them not.

Enter Welch Gentlewoman,

And here fhe comes, ,

If I know what to fay to her now

In the way of marriage, Tme no Graduate,

Me thinkes I faith ’tis bouldly done of her
To come into my Chamber being but a ftranger.

She fhall not fay I ’me fo proud yet, but I’ie fpeake to herj ,
Marry as I will order it.

She fhall take no hold of my words Tie warrant her, ,

She lookes and makes a courfey,

Salne tu Eioch pttella pakherima,
fluid vis nejcio ntc fane cure,

Tttlifs owne phrafe to a Hart.

W.G. I know not what he meanes,

A Sutor quoth a ? *

I hold my life he vnderftands noEnglifh.

Tim. Ferter me her cute tu virgo,

Wallia vt opibus abundis maximis.

W. G. W hat’s this/m^p-and abmdmdk f
He mockes me fare, and calles me a bundle of Farts.

4§ *4 Chaft Mayd in Cbeape-fide.

Tim. I haue no Latine word now for their Runts, Tie
make fome fhift er other : Itterum dico optbus abundat
maximit montibm (xrfentibus & vt it a dicam Rontibtu, atta~
men vero homauculw ego fun. * natura fimule arte bachnlarim
leEio profeElo non parota.

W.G. This is moil: ftrange ,may be he can fpeake W elch,
Auedera Tehee comrage, der duecogfoginit.

Tim. (fog foggin, I fcorne to cog with her, Tie tell her f©
tco in a word neere her owne Language : Sgononcogo.

TV. G. Rhegofn a vehiggt '» harle ron corid ombre.

Tim. By my faith fhe's a good fcholler,! fee that already
She has the Tongues piaine,I hold my life fhe has traueld ,
W hat will fblkes fay ? T here goesthe learned couple.
Faith if the truth wereknowne,fhe hath proceeded.

Enter LMoudline .

isWaudf. How now, how fpeeds your bufincffc ?

Tim. I’me glad my Mothers come to part vs.

C Maud. How doe you agree forfooth ?

W. Cj. As well as e’re we did before we met.

CdTaudi. How’s that?

TV. G. Y ou put me to a Man I vnderftand not.

Your Sonne's no EnglifH Man me thinkes.

UWaud/. No Englifh Man, blefle my Boy,‘

And borne i’the Heart of London ?

iv. G. I ha’ been long enough in tbechamber with him,
And I find neither Welch nor Englifh in him.

*JWaudL Why Tim , how haue you vs’d the Gentle-
woman ?

Tim. As well as ,a Man might doe Mother, in modeft
Latine.

LMaudl. Latine Foole?

Tim. And fhe recoyl’d in Hebrew*

<- MnudU In Hebrew Foole ? ’Tis Welch.

Tim. All comes to one Mother.

CWaual She can fpeake Englifh too.

A Chafl Mayd in Cheape- fide. 49

Tim. W ho tould me To much ?

Heart and /he can fpcakcEnglifh, Tie clap to her,

I thought y ou’id marrie me to a ftranger .

c Maudl. Y ou tnuft forgiue him, he’s fo inur’d to Latin,
He and his Tutor ,that he hath quite forgot
TovlctheProteftant tongue.
w.G. ’Tisquickly pardon’d for/both,
c JMaudl. Tim make amends and ki/fe her.

He makes towards you forfooth .

Tim. O delicious, one may difeouer her Countrey by her
kiffiag, ’Tis a true laying, there’s nothing tails fo fweet as
your Welch Mutton : It was reported you could ling.
CMandU O rarely Tim, the fweeteft Britilhi Songs.

Tim. And ’tis my mind I fweare before I marrie,

I would lee all my W iues good parts at once.

To view how rich 1 were.

(JMaudl. Thou /halt here fweet Muficke Tim.

Pray forfooth . Muficke and Welch Song

The Son g.

Cv p 1 d « V snvs onely ley s
Bat he it a tv Anton Boy,

A verie vtrie wanton Boy ,

He Proofs at Lady es naked Breps,

He is the caafi of mofi Mens Crept ,
/ means vpon the Forehead,
lnuijible but horrid ,

5 Twos he fir ft taught vpon the way,
To keepe a Ladyes Lips in play.

Why prould not V e n v s chide her $onms
For the prankes that he hath done.

The wanton prankes that he hath done l
He poots his Firie Darts fo thieke.

They hurt poore Ladyes to the yutckg.

H

sjo A Chaft Mayd in Cbeape-fide.

Ah me, with cruel! wounding.

His D arts a*e fo confounding.

That life and fence would foone decay,

'But that he keepes their Lips in play.

%

Can there he any part of bliffe.

In a quickly flcettngkiffe, ' f

A quickly fleeting ktffe.

To ones pleaftt-e, leafures are but waft.

The Jloweft k>jje makes too much haft,

And looCe it ere we find it.

The pleaftng port they onely know,

T hat cloafe aboue and cloafe below.

T, im. I would not change my wife for a Kingdome,

I can doe fomewhac too in my owne Lodging.

Enter Yellow-hammer, and All-wit.

Yell. Why well (ayd Tim, the Bels goc merrily,

I loue fuch peales alife,wife lead them in a while,

Here's a ftrange Gentleman defires priuate conference.
You’r welcomcSir,rhe more for your names fake.

Good Mr Yellowhammer,\ loue my name well,

Apd which a'tbe Yellowhammers ta ke you descent from.

If I may be fo bold with you, which I pray ?

<oAll. T he Yellow ammers in Oxfordfhiere,

Neere Abbington.

Yell. And chofe are the befb Yellswhammers, and trueft
bred : I came f rom thence my felfe, though now a Citizen:
I’lebe bold with you, You are moil w elcome.
te/fl!. I hope the ze dt I bring with me Pnall deferue it.
Yell. I hope no leiTe, w hat is your will Sir ?
tAll. I vnderftand by rumors, you haue a Daughter,
Which my bold loue fhail hence* forth title coulen.

Yell. I thanke you for herSir.

tAB. J heard of her vertues,and other con^rm’d graces.

YeUowhmmer

sfChajl Mctyd in Che ape- fide. 5 1

Tejll. A plaguy Girle Sir.

Fame fets her out with richer ornaments,

Then you are pleas’d to boaft of,’Tis done modeftly,

I heart (he's towards marriage.

Tell. Y ou heart truth Sir.

tAll. And with a Knight in Towne, Sr Writer Whore*

hound.

Tell. The verie fame Sir.
aAtl. I am the forrier for’t.

Tell. The i'orrier, W hy coulen ?

iAll. ’Tis not too farre part ift ? It may be yet recai d l

Tell. Recal d, why good Sir ?

lAll. Refolue me in that point ye (hall heare from me.

Tell. There’s no Contra# paft.

o All. Iam verie ioy full Sir.

Tell. But he’s the Man muft bed her.

sAll. By no meanes cus,fhe’squite vndone then.

And y ou’le curfe the time that e’re you made the match.
He’s an arrant vvhoremafter, confumes his time and Rate,
— *■ — ’ whom in my knowledge he hath kept this 7 yeres.
Nay cus, an other Mans Wife too.

Tell. O ahbominable 1

*All. Maintaines the whole houfe, apparels the husband,
Paves feruants wadges, not lo much, but ■ ■ — • —

Tell. Worfe and wor(e,& doth the husband knowthis ?
All. Knowcs ? l and glad he may too, ’tis his liuing.

As other Trades thnue, Butchers by felling Flefh,

Poulters by venting Connies,or the like cous.

Tell. W hat an incomparable W hall's this ?

AH. Tufh, what cares he for that ?

Beleeue me cous,no more then 1 doe.

Tell. W hat a bafe Siaue is that ?

All. All’s one to him, he feeds and takes his cafe,

W as ne’re the Man that euer broake his fleepe.

To get a Child yet by his ownc confefllon.

And yet his Wife has feuen.

Tell. W hat, by Sr Walter ?

H 2

Albit

5 z A Chafl Mayd in Cheape-fide.

All. Sr Walters like to keepe ’em, and maintaine 'em.

In e xcellent falhion,he dares doe no lelfe Sir*

Tell. Life has he Children too ?

All. Children? Boyes thus high.

In their Cato and Cordelias.

Tell. What you ieli Sir?

All. W hy, one can make a V crfe.

And is now at Eaton Colledge.

Tell. O this nevves has cut into my Heart cons.

All. It had eaten neerer if it had not beene preuented.
One Allwits Wife.

Tell. Allwit ? "Foot I hauc heard of him.

He had a Girle Kurfiied lately ?

All. I that worke did coft the Knight aboue a hundred
marke.

Tell. Tie marke him for aKnaue and Villaine for t,

A thoufand thankes and bldTirjgs,! haue done with him.

*All. Ha,ha,ha,this Knight will fticke by my ribs ftill,

I fhall r.otloofe him yet, no Wife will come,

Where e’re he woos,I find him ftill at home,Ha,ha, Exit

Tell. Well grant all this,lay now his deeds are blacke.
Pray what ferues marriage, but tocailhim backe,

I haue kept a Whore my felfe,and had a Baftard,

By Mris tslnne, in Amo

I care not who knowes it, he’s now a iolly fellow,

H’as beene twice Warden, fo may his fruit be.

They were but bafe begot,and fo washe,

The Knight is rich,be fnall be my S onne-in-Law,

No matter fo the W hore he keepes be wholefome.

My Daughter takes no hurt then, fo let them wed,

I’le haue him fweat well e’re they goe to Bed.

Enter LMmdHne.

LMaudl. O Husband, Husband.

Tell. How now Mmdline l

UWaudl. w e are all vndone7 fire's gone, fire's gone.

Tellohmtrm

j{ Chafl Mayd in Cbeape-fide.

Tell. Againe, Death which way ?

<JMaudl Ouer the Houfes : •

Lay the Water-fide, {he’s gone for ener elfe<

Tell. Qventrous Baggage ! Sxk

Enter Tim and Titter.

Tim. Theeues, Theeues, my Sifter's ftolne.

Some Thiefe hath got her :

O how myraculoufly did my Fathers Plate (cape,

’ T was all left out T utor .

Tut. I ft poffible ?

Tim. Befides three chaines of Pearle & a Box of CurraL
My Sifter’s gone, let’s looke at Trig-ftaircs for her.

My Mother’s gene to lay the Common- ftaires3
At Puddle-wharfe3and at the Decke below*

Stands my poore filly Father, Run fweet Tutor, run. Exk

Enter both the Tuchwoods,

T.S. I had beene taken Brotherby eight Sergeants,

-But for the honeft Watermen, I am bound to them.

They are the moft requitefuPft people liuing.

For as they get their meanes by Gentlemen,

They are ftili the forwardeft to helpe Gentlemen,

You heard how one fcap’t out of the Blacke-Frycrs,

But a while fince from two or three Varlets-
Carne into the Houfe with all their Rapiers drawne.

As if they’d daunce the Sword-dance on the Stage,

With Candies in their Hands like Chandlers Ghofts,

W hil’ft the poore Gentleman fo purfued and banded, ,

Was by an honeft paire of Oaresfafelylanded.

T.l. I louetbem with my Heart fort.

Enter three or fours Watermen*

! i Your firft Man Sir.

a S hall I carrie you Gentlemen with a paire of Cares ?
T.S. Theft be the honeft Fellowes,

Take one paire, and kaue the reft for her.

T.l. Barne-Elmes.

54 *4Chafi Mayd in Cbeape-Jidc,

T.S. No more Brother.

f Your firrt man.

2 Shall I carrie your Worfoip ?

TJ. Goe, and youhoneft watermen that flay,

Here's a French-crowne for you.

There comes a Mayd with all fpeed to take water,

Row herluftily toBarne-Elmesafterme.

2 To Barne-Elmes, good Sir : make ready the boat Sam,
We’ic wait below . Exit

Enter Afoll.

T • I. W hat made you flay fo long ?

c Moll. I found the way more dangerous then I look’t
for.

TJ. Away quicke, there’s a Boat waites for you,

And He take water at Pauls- wharfe, and ouer-take you.

UMoll. Good Sir doe,we cannot be too Cafe.

Enter Sr Walter, TeHotvhammer,T int andTtttor.

S .Walt. Life, call you this clofe keeping ?

Tell. She was kept vnder a double locke.

S.Walt. A doable Deuill.

Tim. T hat’s a buffe Serieant T ntor, he’le ne’re were out.

Tell. How would you haue W omen Iock’t ?

7* im. W ith Padlockes Father , the V enetian vfes it.

My Tutor reads it.

S.Walt. Heart, if foe were fo lock’t vp,how got foe
out ?

Tell. There was a little hole look’t into the gutter.

But who would haue drempt of that ?

S .Walt. A wifer Man would.

Tim. He fayes true Father, a wife man for loue will feeke
euerie hole : my Tutor knowes it.

Tut. Ve-' um poet a dicit.

Tim. T)ictt VirgiUim Father.

Tellevthammer

\A Chajl Mayd in Cbeape-fide.

Tell. Prethee talke of thy Gills fome-w here elfe, flic’s
play’d the Gill with me : where’s your wife Mother now ?

Tim. Run mad I thirike, I thought flie would haue
drown’d her fclfe, flie would not flay Tor Oarcs, but took?
a Smelt-Boat : fure I thinkc flic be gonea f fhing for her.

Tell. She’ie catch a goodly difli of Gudgeons now.
Will ferue vs all to Supper.

Enter Maudline drawing Moll by the Hayre,
and Watermen.

Maudl. I’Je tug thee home by the Hayre.

Wat. Good Mill ris fpare her.

Maudl. Tend your owne bufinefle.

Wat. You are a cruell Mother. Exit

Moll. Omy Heart dyes !

Maudl. I’le make thee an example for all the Neighbors
Daughters.

Moll. Farwell life.

Mandl. You that haue trickes can counterfeit.

Tell. Hold, hold Maudline.

Maud. I haue brought your Iewell by the Hayre,

Tell. She’s here Knight.

S.Walt. Forbeare or I’le grow worfe.

Tim. Lookeon her Tutor, flie hath brought her from
the W ater like a Mermayd, (lie’s but halfe my Sifter now,
as farre as the Flefh goes, the reft may be fold to Filli-
wiues.

Maudl. Defembling cunning baggage.

Tell. Impudent Strumpet.

S.Walt. Either giue ouer both , or I’le giue ouer:

Why haue you vfde me thus vnkind Miftris ?

Wherein haue I deferued ?

Tell. Y ou talke too fondly Sir,we’le take another courfe
and preutnt all, we might haue don’t long fince, we’le loofe
no time now, nor rruft to’t any longer, to morrow morne
as early as Suane rife we’le haue you ioyn’d,

Moll.

§ 6 \ACbaft Mayd in Cheape-jide ,

(JIM/. O bring me Death to ni ght,Loue pittying Tates,
Let me not fee to morrow vp vpon the W or Id.

If ell. Are you content Sir, till thenfhe lhall be watch’c ?
CMandl. Baggage you lhall. Exit

Tim. Why Father, my Tutor and I will both watch in
Armour.

Tut. How ihall we doe for Weapons ?

Tim. Take yon no care for that, if need be I can fend for
conquering mettall Tutor, ne’re loft day yet, \is but at
Weflminfter,r am acquainted with him that keepes the
Monuments, I can borrow Harry the Fifth’s S wordftwill
ferue vs both to watch with. Exit

S. walt. I neuer w as fo neere my with, as this chance
Makes me, ere to morrow noone,

I fhaii receiue two thoufand pound in Gold,

And a fweet Maydea-head
Worth fourtie.

Enter Tuchveood I mm mth a waterman.

T. I , O thy newes {plits me.

Wat. Halfe drown’d,fhe cruelly tug'd her by the Hayre,
Forc’t her difgracefully, not like a Mother.

T.I. Enough, leaue me like myloyes. Exit Wat.

Sir fa w you not a wretched Mayd paflfe this way ?

Heart V illaine, is it thou ? ‘Both drove

S. Walt. YesSlaue,’tis I. and fight

T. T. I mail breake through thee then, there is no ftop
Thar checkes my Tongue, and all my hope foil fortunes.
That Breaft excepted,and I muft haue way.

S. Walt. Sir I beleeue ’twill hold your life in play.

T. I. Sir you’le gaine the Heart in my Breft at firft ?
S.walt. Thereisnode3hngthen,thiakeon theDowrie

for two thoufand pounds.

TI. O now ’tis quit Sir.

S. walt. And being of euen hand. Tie play no longer.

T. U No longer Slaue ?

S.Walu

\A Chajl Mayd in Cheape-fide. 57

S>Walt. I haue certainc things to thinke on.

Before I dare goe further.

T.I. But one bout?

I’le follow thee to death,but ha’t out. Exit

ABus Qubit us.

Enter Allwit, bis wife, and 'ID any Dabnnma.

Wife. A miferie of a Houfe.
a All. W hat {hall become of vs ?
cDastj I thinke his wound be mortal!.
zs4ll. Think’ft thou fo cE>auy ?

Then am I mortall too, but a dead Man Dauj,

This is no world for me, when e’re he goes,

I mufte'ne trufie vp all, and after him t>my,

A Sheet with two knots, and away.

Enter Sir Walter led. in hurt.

*Dauy O fee Sir,

How faint he goes, two of my Fellowcs lead him.
wife O me!

S .Walt. T ouch me not V illaine, my wound akes at thee.
Thou poyfon to my Heart.

<is4ll. He raues already.

His fences are quite gone, he knowes me not,

Looke vp an’t like your Worfhip, heaue thofe Eyes,

Call me to mind, is your remembrance left ?

Looke in my face, whoam I ant like your Worfhip?

I S.Walt,

iAll. Hyday ,my wife’s layd downe too, here’s like to
A good Houfe kept, when we are altogether downe.
Take paynes with her good Dauy, eheere her vp there.
Let me come to his Worfhip, let me come.

5 § >A Cbajl Mayd in Cheape-fide.

S.Walt. I f any thing be worfe then Slaue or V illaine.
Thou art the Man.

Alas his poore W or (hips weakeneffe.

He will begin to know me by little and little.

Walt. No Diuell can be like thee.

<±s4ll. Ah poore Gentleman,

Methinkes the paine that thou endureft.

S. IF alt. Thou know’ll me to be wicked for thy bafeneffe
Kept the Eyes open lull on all my finnes.

None knew the deere account my foule flood charg’d with
So well as thou,yet like Hels flattering Angel,

W ould’ft neuer tell me an’t, let’ft me goe on,

Asad ioyne with Death in fleepe, that if I had not wak’t
Now by chance, euen by a ftrangerspictie,

I had euerlaftingly flept out all hope
Gf grace and mercie.

ft^ll. N ow he is worfe and worfe,

Wife, to him wife,thou waft wont to doe good on him. -
Wife How7 ift with you Sir >

S.walt. Not as with you.

Thou loathfome ftrutnpetfiomegood pittyingMan
Remone my finnes out of my fight a little,

I tremble to behold her, fire keepes backe
All comfort while fiie fiayes. is this a time,
Vnconfcionable Woman, to fee rhee.

Art thou fo crueil to the peace of Man,

Notto giue libertie now, the Diuell himfelfe
Shewes a farre fairer reuerence and refpect
To good ne fie then thy folfe, be dares not doe this.

But part in time of penitence, hides his Face,

When Man with-drawes from him, he leaues the place.
Haft thou lefle manners, and more impudence.

Then thy inftrudler, prethce fiiew thy modeftie,

I f the leaft graine be left, and get thee from me.

Thou fhould’ft be rather lock’t many Roomes hence.
From the poore miferable fight of me.

If either loue or grace had part in thee.

Chdji May d in Cbeape-Jide. 59

Wife He is loft for euer.

tAfl. Run fweet Dattj quickly,

Anti fetch the Children hither, fight of them,

W ill make him checrcfull flraight.

S.Wfdt. O Death! Is this
A place for you to weepe ? What teares are thole f
Get you away with them, I lhall fare the worle.

As long as they are a weeping, they worke againft me.
There’s nothing but thy appetite in that for row.

Thou weep ft for Luft, I feele it in the flacknefle
Of comforts comming towards me,

I was well till thou began ft to vndoe me.

This ftiewes like the fruitlefle borrow of a carelelfe mother:
That brings her Sonne with dalliance to the Gaflowes,

And then Hands by, and vveepes to fee himluffer.

EnterDtHj with the Children.

'Dauj There are the children Sir,an’t like your worship.
Your laft fineGirle, in troth fhe fmiles,

Looke, Iooke, in faith Sir. { Face

SM'alt. O my vengeance,let me for euer hide my curbed
From fight of thofe that darkens all my hopes.

And Hands betweene me and the fight of Heauen,

Who fees me now, ho to and thole fo neere me.

May rightly fay, I am o’re-growne with finne,

O how my offences wraftle with my repentance.

It hath fcarce breath,

Still my adulterous guilt houers aloft,

And with her blacke W ings beats downe all my prayers.
Ere they be halfe way vp, what’s he knowes now.

How long I haue to liue ? 6 what comes then.

My taft growes bitter, the round World, all Gall now,
Her pleafing pleafiires now hath poyfon’d me,

Which I exchang’d my Soule for,

Make way a hundred fighes at once for me.

All. Speake to him 2fjcke.

I 2 2(Jek«

€o JChafl Mayd in CUape-fuk.

r 3{jcke I dare nor, I am afraid.

All. Ttll him he hurts his wounds Wat, with making
moane.

S.'^alt. Wretched, death of feauen.

All. Come let’s be talking fomewhat to keepe him aliue
Ah fira Wat,md did my Lord beftovv that Iewell on thee,
For an Epiftle thou mad’ft in Latine,

Thou art a good forward Boy, there’s great ioy on thee.

S. tv alt. Oforrovv!

All Heart will nothing comfort him ?

If he be iofarre gone, ’trs time to moane,

Here’s Pen, and Incke, and Paper, and all things ready,

W ll’f pleale your W orfhip tor to make your W ill ?

S.JValt. My Will? Yes, yes, what dfc? Who writes
apace now ?

zAll. That can your man EiAttj an’t like your W orfhip,
A faire, faff, legible Hand.

S.iValt. Set it downe then :
lnprimu, I bequeath to yonder Wltall,,

Three times his weight in Curfrs,

tAll. How ?

S.tvalt. All Plagues of Body and of Mind,,

Write them not downe Daay.

Dany It is his Will, I muft.

S.fValt. Togetheralfo,

With luch a Sicknefle,tendayes ere his Death.

s/Hl. There’s a fvveet Legacie,

I am almoft choak’c with’t.

S.tValt. Next l bequeath to that fcule whore his Wife,
All barrennefle of Ioy, a drouth of Vertue,

And dearth of all repentance : For her end.

The common miferie of an English Strumpet,

In French and Duch, beholding ere fhe dyes
Confufion of her Brats before her Eyes,

And neuer fhed a teare for it.

Jhtt&

A Chaft Mayd in Cheape-Jide . 6 1

Snter a S truant,

Seru. Where’s the Knight?

O Sir, the Gentleman you wounded, is newly departed*
S.Walt. Dead? Lift, lift, Whohelpcs me?
ex? //. Let the Law lift you now , that tnuft haue all^
Ihauedone lifting pn you, and my Wife too.

Seru . You were beft locke your felfe dofe.
nAll, Not in my Houfe Sir,

Lie harbour no fitch perfonsas Men- flayers,,

Locke your felfe w here you will.

S.Walt. What’s this?

Wife Why Husband.

11. I know what I doe Wife.

Wife You cannot tell yet.

For hauing kild the Man in his defence.

Neither his Life,nor eftate will be touch’t Husband®
aAR. Away Wife,heare a Foole,his Lands will hang
him.

S.tValt. Am I deny'd a Chamber ?

What lay you forfooth ?

wife Alas Sir, I am one that would haue all well.

Bur muft obey my Husband. Prethee L©ue

Let the poore Gentleman ftay , being fo fore wounded,

T here’s a dole Chamber at one end of the Garret
W e neuer vfe, let him haue that 1 prethee.

*All. We neuer vfe, you forget fickntfle then,
And'Phyflcke times : Iftnot aplaee for eafement?

Enter a Seruant,

S.Walt. O Death ! doe I heare this with part
Of former life in me ? What’s the newes now ?

Seru t roth worfe & worfe, you*r like to lofo your land
I f the Law faue your life Sir, or the Surgeon.
zAll. Harke you there Wife.

/g Sr Walter

6z zA Chafl Mayd in Cheape-Jide*

S.Walt. Why how Sir?

Serrt. Sr O liner Kixes W ife is new quickned,

That Child vndoes you Sir.

S.Walt. All ill at once.

<tAU. I wonder what he makes here with his conlorts ?
Cannot our Houfe be priuate to our felues.

But we mu ft haue fuch Guefts ? I pray depart Sirs,

And take your Murtherer along with you.

Good he were apprehended ere he goe,

H’as kild Tome honeft Gentleman,fend for Officers.

S Walt. 1 ’le foone faue you that labour.
lAll. I muft tell you Sir,

You haue beene fome-what boulder in tny Houfe,,

Then I could well like of, I fuffred you
T ill it ftucke here at my Heart, I tell you truly
I thought you had beene familiar with my W ife once.

Wife W ith me ? Tie fee him hang’d firft, I defie him.
And all fuch Gentlemen in the like extremitie.

SWalt. If euer Eyes were open, thefe are they,
Gamfters farewell, I haue nothing left to play. Exit

AH. And therefore get you gone Sir.

’rDatty Of all Wittalles,

Be thou the Head.Thou the grand whore of Spittles. Exit
A tl. So, lince he’s like now to be rid of all,

I am right glad, I amfo well rid of him.

Wife I knew he durft not flay, when you nam’d Officers
Alt. That ftop’t his Spirits ftraight,

What fhall we doe now Wife ?

Wife As we were wont to doe.

AH. We are richly furnifh’c wife, with Houfhold-fluffc
Wife Let’s let out Lodgings then,

And take a Houfe in the Strand.

All. la troth a match Wench :

We arc (imply flock’t, with Cioatb of Tiffue Cuflions,

To furnifh out bay-windows : Puyfh,what not that’s queint
And coftly, from the top to the bottome :
life, for Furaiturej we may lodge a Counted ;

There’s

A Chaft Mayd in Chettpe-jide,

There’s a Cloafe-ftoole of tawny Veluet too,,

Now I thinke on’t Wife.

Wife There’s that fhould be Sir,

Y our Nofe mu ft be in cuerie thing.

%All. I haue done Wench,

And let this (land in euerie Gallants Chamber,

There’s no Gamfter like a politike (inner,

For who c’re games, the Box is furc a winner! £ xk

Enter TeUmb^mmer, and bit Wife*

LMaudl. O Husband ,husband,(he will dye, flic willdye
There is no figne but death.

Tell. ’ T will be our ftiame then.

UWattdl. O how flic’s chang’d in compaffe of an houre «
Tell. Ah my poore girle 1 good taith thou wert too cruel!
T o dragge her by the Hayre.

i-Maudl. Y ou would haue done as much Sir,

To curbe her of her humor.

Tetl. ’Tis curb'd fweetly,fhe catch’t her banc o’th water.
Enter Tint.

tJMaudl. How now Tint.

Tim. Faith bufie Mother about an Epitaph,

Vpon my Sifters death.
tJM audl. Death ! She is not dead I hope ?

Tim. No : but (he meanes to be, and tnat’s as good,

And when a thing’s done, ’tis done,

You taught me that Mother.

Tell. W hat is your T at or doing ?

Tim. Making one too, in principal! pure Latine,

Cul’d out of Ottid de TrifUbtu.

Tell. How does your Sifter looke, is fhe not chang’d ?
Tim. Chang’d ? Gold into white Money was neucr fo
As is ray Sifters colour into paleneffe. ( chang’d,

Enter

64 stCbaft Mayd in Cbeape-fide,

Enter M«IL

Tell. O here {he's brought, fee how {he looks like death
Tim. Lookes {he like Death, and ne’re a word made yet,
I muft goe beat my Braines againfta Bed-poll,

And get before my Tutor.

Tell. S peake, how do'ft thou?

<JMoll. I hope I {hall be well, for I am as ficke at Heart,
As I can be.

Tell. 'Las my poore Girle,

The Dolor’s making a moft foueraine drinke for thee.
The worft Ingrediencc, diffolu’d Pcarleand Amber,

We fpare no coft Girle.

LMoII. Your loue comes to late,

Yet timely thankes reward it : What is comfort.

When the poore Patients Heart ispaft reliefe ?

It is no Dolors Art can cure my griefe.

Tell. All is call away then,

Prethec looke vpon me cheerfully.

t SWatidl. Sing but a ftraine or two, thou wilt not thinke
How ’twill reuiuethy Spirits : ftriue with thy fit,

Prethee fweet Moll.

UMoll. Y ou {hall haue my good will Mother.

LMaud. Why well (aid Wench.

T he Song.

fVeepe Eyes, breake Heart,

<JMy Lone and I muft fart,

Crttell Fates, irevt-loue doe fooneft fetter,

O, Ifhall fee thee, neuer, neuer, neuer.

O happy is the Mayd, whofe life takes end.

Ere it knowes Parents froveneytr lojfe of friend,

Weepe Eyes, breake Heart,

KMy Lorn and l muft part.

Enter

d Chctfl Mdy d in Cheapc-jide. 6 $

Snter T Hchvcood Senior with a Letter.

(Jlut'tJ/. O, I could die with Muficke : well Tung Girls.
C 'Moll. If you call it fo, It was. '

Tell. She playes the Swan, and fings her felfe to death.
T.S. Byyour'eaueSir.

Tell. What are you Sir? Or what’s your bufinefle pray?
T.S. I may be now admitted, t ho the Brother
Of him your hatepurfude, it fpreads no further,

Y our malice fets in death, does it not Sir ?

Tell. In Death ?

T.S. He’s dead : ’tvvas a deere Loue to him.

It coft him but his life, that was all Sir :

He pay’d enough, pcore Gentleman, for his Loue.

Tell. There’s all our illremou’d, if fhe were well now,;
Impute not Sir, his end to any hate
That fprung from vs, he had a faire wound brought that.

T.S. That helpt him forward, I mull: needs confefle s
But the reftraint of Loue, and your vnkindneffe,

T hofe were the wounds, that from hi s Heart drew Bloody
But being paft helpe, let words forget it too :

Scarcely three Minutes, ere his Eye-lids clos’d,

Andtooke eternallleaue of this Worlds light.

He wrot this Letter, which by Oath he bound me,

T o giue to her owne Hands, that’s all my bufinefle.

Tell. You may perforate it then, there fhe fits.

T.S. O with a following looke.

Tell. I truft me Sir,I thinke fhe’le follow him quickly*
T.S . Here’s fome Gold,

He wil’d me to diftribute faithfully atnongft your Seruants.
Tell. ’Las what doth he meane Sir ?

T.S. HowcheereyouMiftris?

Moll. I muft learne of you Sir.

T.S. Here’s a Letter from a Friend of yours,

And where that fayles,in fatisfadfion
I haue a fad Tongue ready to fupply.

<JMoll. How does he, ere I looke on’t ?

T.S. S eldome better, h’as a contented health now.
oil. I am mofl glad on’t.

K

66 A Chajl Mayd in Cbeape-Jide .

< JlCaudl . Dead Sir?

Tell. He is : Now Wife let’s but get the Gerle
Vpon her Lcgs^s againe,and to Chur ch roundly with her,
tJMoll. O he ke to Death he teiles me :

How does he after this ?

T.S. Faith fecles no paine at all, he’s dead fweet Miftris,
<JMoll. Peace dole mine Eyes.

Tell. The Girle, looke to the Girle W ife.

CMaudl. Moll, Daughter, fweet Girle fpeake,

Look but once vp,thou (halt haue all the wifhes of thy hart
That wealth can purchafe.

Tell. O (he’s gone for euer, that Letter broake her hart,
T.S • As good now then, as let her lye in torment.

And then breake it.

Enter Suf an.

LMattdl. O Sufan, fhe thou louedft fb deere, is gone.

Stef. O fweet Mayd 1

T.S. This is fhe that help’t her ftill,

I’ue a reward here for thee
Tell. Take her in,

Remoue her from our fight, our frame, and forrow.

T.S. Stay, let me helpe thee, ’as the la ft cold kindneffe
I can performe for my fweet Brothers fake.

Tell. Ail the whole Street will hate vs, and the World
Point me out cruell : It is our beft courfe Wife,

After we haue gmen order for the Funeral!,

To abfent our fdues, till fhe be layd in ground.

UWaudi. Where fhall we fpend that time? (Church,
Tell. Fie tell thee where Wench, goe tofomepriuate
And marry Ttm to the rich Brecknocke Gentlewoman.
Maudl. Maffe a match,

W e’le not loofe all at once, fome-vvhat we’ie catch. Exit

Enter Sir 0 Inter and Ser teams.

S.Ol. Ho my W iues quickned, I am a Man for euer,

I thinke I haue beftur’d my ftumps I faith ;

Run, get your Fellowes altogether inftantly.

Then to the Parifh-Church, and ring the Belles.

S erst. 1 1 fhall be done Sir.

S.Ol.

\A Chaft Mayd in Cbeape-Jide. 6y

S.Ol. V pon my loue I charge you Villaine, that you
make a Bon- Her before the Doore at nights,

Sert t. A lk>n-fier Sir ?

S.Ol. A thwacking one I charge you.

Sera. This is monltrous.

S.Ol. Run, tell a hundred pound out for the Gentleman
That gaue my Wife the Drinke, the fir ft tiling you doe.

Sertt. A hundred pounds Sir ?

S.Ol. A bargaine, as our ioyes growes.

We mull remember ftill from whence it flowes.

Or elfe we proue vngratefull multiply ers :

The Child iscomming,and the Land comes after,

The newes of this will make a poore Sr fV alter,

I haue ftrooke it home I faith.

Sertt. T hat you haue marry Sir.

But will not your Worftiip goe to the Futierali
Of both thefe Louers ?

S.Ol. Both, goe both together ?

Sertt. 1 Sir, the Gentlemans Brother will haue it fo,
'Twill be the pittifulleft light, there’s fuch running.

Such rumours, and fuch throngs, a paire of Louers
Had neuer more Ipedators, more Menspitties,

Or W omens wet Eyes.

S. 01. My W ife helpes the number then ?

Sertt. There’s fuch drawing out ofHandkerchers,

And thole that haue no Handkerchers, lift vp Aprons.

S.Ol. Her Parents may haue ioyfoll Hearts at this,

I would not haue my crueltie fo talk’t on.

To any Child of mine, for a Monopoly.

Sertt. I beleeueyou Sir.

’Tis call fo too, that both their Coffins meet.

Which will be lamentable.

S.Ol. Come, we’le fee’t. Exit

Recorders do lef telly flaying : Enter at one D ore the Cof-
fin of the Cjentlemanfolemnly dec ft, hit Swordvpon it,
attended by many in Blache, his Brother being the chief e
Mourner : At the other Doore , the Coffin of the Vi' gin,
with a Cjarland of Tlowres, with Spitaphts pin'd ont,

K z attended

6$ ji Chafi Mayd in Che ape- fide.

attended by Mayds And Women : Then fet them do'tene
one right ouer-againfl the other, while all the Company
Ceeme to weepe and mourne, there is a fad Song in the

Aiuficke-Roome.

T.S. Neucr could Death boaft of a richer prize
From the fir ft Parent, let the World bring forth
A pair e of truer Hearts, to fpeake but truth
Of this departed Gentleman, in a Brother,

Might by hard cenfure, be call’d fiatterie,

W hich makes me rather, filent in his right,

Then fo to be dcliucr’d to the thoughts.

Of any enuious hearer, ftaru’d in vertue.

And therefore pining to heare others thriue.

But for this Mayd, whom Enuy cannot hurt
W ith all her Poyfons, hauing left to Ages,

The true, chaft Monument of her lining name.

Which no time can deface, I fay of her
The full truth freely, without feare of cenfure
W hat Nature could there fhine, that might redeeme
Per fetflion home to W oman, but in her
Was fully glorious, be w tie fet in goodnefle
Speakes whatfhe was, that Iewcil fo infixt.

There was no want of any thing of life.

To make thefe vertuous prefidents,Man and W ife.

Allw. Great pittie of their deathes.

All Ne’re more pittie.

Lady It makes a hundred weeping Eyes, fweetGofhp,

T.S. I cannot thinke, there’s any one amongft you.

In this full faire affembly, Mayd, Man, or Wife,

W hofe Heart would not baue (prang with ioy & gladnefie
To haue feene their marriage day ?

All It would haue made a thoufand ioyfull Hearts.

T.S. Vp then apace, and take your fortunes,

Make thefe ioy full Hearts, here’s none but Friends.

All AliueSir? 6 fweetdeere Couple.

T.S. Nay, do not hinder ’em now,ftand from about ’em.
If (he be caught againe, and haue this time,

Me nereplot further for ’em, nor this honeft chambermaid

That

[A Chaft Majd in Cheape-Jide. 69

That helpt all at a pufh.

T-S. Good Sir a pace.

‘Par/. Hands ioyne now, but Hearts for euer.

Which no Parents mood fliall feuer.

You fliall forfakeall W idowes, Wiues,and Mayds :

You, Lords, Knights, Gentlemen, and Men of Trades :
And if in haft, any Article miffes,

Goe inter-line it with a brace of kifles.

T.S. Here’s a thing trould nimbly. Giuc you ioy brother
Were’t not better thou fhould’ft hauc her.

Then the Ma/d fhould dye ?

wife ToyoufweetMiftrisBride.

All Ioy,ioy to you both.

T.S. Herebeyour Wedding Sheets you brought along
with you, you may both goe to Bed when you pleale too.

T.l. My ioy wants vttcrauce.

T.S. Vrter all at night then Brother.

Moll. I am filent with delight.

TA. Sifter, delight will filence any W oman.

But you’le find your T ongue againe,among Mayd Seruants,
Now you keepe Houfe, Sifter.

Jill Neuer washoure,fo fild with ioy and wonder-

T.S To tell you the full ftorie of this Chamber-Mayd,
And of her kindntfle in this bufinefle to vs,

*T would aske an houres difeourfe : In briefe ’twas fhe.
That wrought it to this purpofe cunningly. !

All We fliall all lone her fbr’t.

Enter Yellow-hammer, and hie W'ife.

AH. See who comes here now.

T.S. A ftorme, a ftor/ne, but we are Iheltred for it.

Tell. I will preuent you ail, and mocke yon thus,

Y ou, and your expectations, I Hand happy.

Both in your liues, and your Hearts combination.

T. . S. Here’s a ft range day againe.

Tell. The Knights prou’d Villaine,

Ai’s come out now, his Neece an arrant Baggage,

My poore Boy Tim, is call away this morning,

K 3 Eue»

70 l^Chaft Mayd in Cheape-Jicle ,

Euen before Breakefafl : Married a Whore
Next to his Heart.

*sill A Whore?

Tell. His Neece forfooth.

Alfa. I thinke we rid our Hands in good time of him.
wife I knew he was pall: the be£t,when I gaue him oner.
What is become of him pray Sir ?

Tell. W ho the Knight ? he lies i’cb’Knights ward now .
Your Belly Lady begins to bloffom,ther’s no peace for him
His Creditors are fo greedy.

S. Ol. Mr Tachwood, bear’ll thou this newes ?

I am fo indeer’d to thee for my W iues fruitfulnefle.

That I charge you both, your Wife and thee.

To liue no more afunder for the Worlds frownes,

I haue Purle, and Bed, and Bord for you :

Be not afraid to goe to your buiindfe roundly.

Get Children, and Tie keepe them.

T. S. Say you fb Sir?

S. Ol. Proue me,with three at a birth, & thou dar’ft now.

T. S. Take heed how you dare a Man,whileyou liue Sir
That has good skill at his Weapon.

Enter Tim and Welch Gentlewoman.

S.Ol. ’Foot, I dare you Sir.

Tell. Looke Gentlemen, if euer you fay the pi&ure
Of the vnfbrtunate Marriage, yonder ’tis.

W.G. Nay good flveet Tim.

Ttm. Come from the Vniuerfitie,

To marry a Whore in London, with my Tutor too ?

O Tempora ! O Afors /

Tut. Prethee Timbe pacient.
r Tim. I bought a lade at Cambridge,

Te let her out to execution T utor.

For eighteene pence aday, or Brainford Horfe-races,
She’le ferue to carrie feuen Miles out of Towne well.
Where be th'efe Mountaines ? I was promis’d Mountaines,
But there’s fuch a Mill, I can fee none of ’em.

W hat are become of thofe two thoufand Runts ?

Let's

\A ChaJl Mayd in Cbeape-Jide . 71

Let's haue about with them in the meane time.

A Vengeance Runt thee.
iF* Saudi. Good fweet T im 1 laue patience.

Tim F letter e Ji neguro Super ss Acheronta moHrio, mother
c JMaudl. I thinke you haue maried her in Logicke 7»«.
Y ou told me once, by Logicke you would proue
A W hore, an honeft Woman, proue her fo Tim
And take her for thy labour.

Tim. Troth I thanke you.

I grant you I may proue another Mans Wife fo,

But not mine ovvne.

LAfaudl. There's no remedy now Tim,

Y ou muft proue her fo as well as you may.

Tim. W hy then my T utor and I will about her.

As well as we can.

ZJxor non efi Aferitrix , ergo falacit.

yy. G. Sir if your Logicke cannot proue me honeft.
There’s a thing call’d Marriage, and that makes me honeft.
c Maudl. O there’s a tricke beyond your Logicke Tim .
Tim. I perceiue then a W oman may be honeft according
to the Englifh Print, when foe is a Whore in the Latine.
So much for Marriage and Logicke. Tie loue her for her
Wit, I ’le picke out my Runts there : And for my Moun-

taines, Tie mount vpon

Tell. So Fortune leldome deales two Marriage s
W ith one Hand, and both lucky : The beft is.

One Feaft will ferue them both : Marry for roome,

I’le haue the Dinner kept in G old-Smithes-Hall,

To which kind Gallants, 1 inuite you all.

F121IS.

( j

'